This blog im gonna gush over my Nathan, so feel free to stop reading right now!

The clock is ticking, its getting sooner, soon i shall have him in my arms. How im so craving him!!
Talked to him, and finally spit out what was on my mind with him right before he went to bed. I find it hard sometimes, because we talk about getting married, but haven't recently, and so it's been on my mind, and I suddenly got shy. Maybe because he hasn't talked about it in awhile? But the thought of him being my husband, its... its unreal, its amazing and crazy. Like I don't see him as my boyfriend. He is so much more. But sometimes I feel I can't talk to him as more, idk why but i have the fear i'll scare him off or become to clingy or something. Which is silly because I also know that he's not going anywhere, for some crazy reason he's in love with me too just as much. But the whole marriage topic. Weddings I can discuss easily with him, but its the everything else, the being his wife part, thats the part that makes me stop breathing, the fact that he really is planning to propose. That he's choosing me, its crazy. This is whats made it easier now for me to be strong about going against my parents wishes, and will keep me from coming home, and just doing what I want, the fact that i'll be with my future husband. I don't know what im saying, my mind has been jumbled since yesterday, just so many thoughts, i havent fully organized them yet. Sometimes all this just hits me. I think i sometimes forget that he's in this place too, that he's just as in love with me as i am him. Like i feel i think about it, and i want it and hes going to be my one and only and i'll be like and your the one okay? Like I feel i have to reasure myself and tell him to make sure its not all been a dream. haha sorry this is all just rambing now, im just amazed sometimes.

Today has been nice, started out slow, I need to finish my projects, i been a bit lazy. But then today when on skype he surprised me again. He sent me a video request, I wasn't expecting, thats why I was a mess.... But it was so nice. I don't think he knows how much I love seeing him. Because when on cam i loose all my words lol I get so quiet and i cant speak, and then in my mind i always am freaking out, im like say something!! lol so my mind is all jumbled. And then today specially with all the thoughts in my head, plus some of the silly stuff I was thinking about from this show. But he was on, and he spoke, and gosh i wish i was more chatty, cause today he was so sweet and giiving me his attention. But I been home not doing much so not much to say. So he showed me his work. Okay, just going to say one word. Amazing! When he was here he let me work on a animation, and omg it is so freakin hard. I managed to make a creature thing lol And took me about 3 hours, here in half that time he made a baby. He's just talented, im with an amazing man. It was just a nice day today. And I think cause i been with him awhile and im used to it, i havent really focused, but yeah he still has a very sexy voice lol
I just feel lucky, i think with the distance i get self concious, and i worry about the silly little things, and is he still in the same place, is he still crazy about me, does he still want the same things. All these silly worries, and i just miss him. We only had 1 visit and it was short, but so much happened, i feel like its reversed, that we spent all this time in person and now having the distance. Im more used to being in person i feel. Sorry im just letting out all thats on my mind so i can function and think clearly again. Overall, just so madly deeply and fully in love with him. He makes me go crazy lol