Then a huge dilema....I had to pay the whole tuition all up front.... we weren't excpecting this, we thought we can make payments, so things were looking down, I went from so excited to feeling defreated. I had been fearing the interview thinking they wouldn't like me or I wouldn't be good enough to getting in and being excited about learning and going! To now nope. I think a week went by, I kind of was giving up hope. If anyones been to culinary or even a good college for anything knows how expensive it is $$$ But.... my amazing amazing fiance, he said it would be okay, I need to not doubt him ever because he's always right lol He managed to take care of it. And so it was official I was going! A whole year together! And at the end of this I had the tools I needed to get into the career I want. All the holidays together, Christmas, new year, valentines day, our anniversary, his birthday, mine, halloween, everything! This would be amazing! Everything in place all I have to do was apply for my visa.
Well this past week I spent it at my parents. And on monday me and Nathan talked and calculated on when my last period was.... I was a few days late. So I went out to go take a pregnancy test, in secret from my parents and 4 siblings. What a week to be there... I didn't feel like I was though, no symptoms. And so I went, and payed, left the store went to another store, went to the bathroom. And if you read the box it says wait 3 or 5 minutes.I didnt have to wait even 1! It changed so fast! Nathan texted me because he knew I was taking it, and I couldnt reply I told him to call me! And when he did I could barely even speak. I think I said im pregnant. Omg! I am pregnant! I walked home, it gave me time to collect myself. Went on skype and it was a special moment, when you find out we made a life together, were happy. Were going to have a baby. But then reality sets in. What are we going to do?
Were still long distance.... and will be now that im not going to college for the next 2 years... Its a million worries at once and its scary and I keep having to put up a wall and not stress because stress isn't good. In my imediate family theres been miscarriages and they say its the first trimester which is the most dangerous, and im a month in. So im trying not to stress but its a little hard. And at the same time ive been a nut, on whats okay, what can I eat, three days before i took the test i had raw fish in my sushi and the night before i had a rare steak... which i know are bad for pregnancy so i freaked a little over that. And the past few days i think I googled just about every meal i had if its safe to eat. Im stopping that now haha, was going a little overboard.
But now our future is a bit bumpy. I dont know what were going to do, we have some plans, but theres gaps where we dont know what to do. Our wedding is set for aril 2015, our babys due this year, so its the year in between. And the thought of being alone scares me so badly. Sorry im venting but it feels really nice to write it all out. So far only Nathan, his family and my mom knows. Were not announcing it publicly yet. Im scared to tell some members in my family, Ive been told "dont get pregnant" "dont have babies yet" I'll be 21 in june. I had a bit of a emotional day yesterday hearing my grandma talk of how proud she is of me going to college. And now I have to tell her im not.
Today I got a letter I really needed from Nathans mom, which was so reasuring and comforting. It makes me feel very lucky, because I could have been with Nathan and he could have had a mean family, but he's lucky and I feel lucky, there just really good people. Im just happy that there now in my life.
Im not sure what were going to do, I have so many emotions, one i am happy to be having his baby, theres no doubts about wanting to have a baby together. but im so scared, we planned to be together for this, and now idk. No college, so no closing the distance. I just need to pray. Fortunatly nathan will be here in june, and I am so happy, I need him so badly, hes my rock, my partner, my best friend, future husband and now were going to be parents. I miss him and feel a bit lost in all this without him here. mhmm life changes so quickly. This is closing one door but like it says when God closes one door he opens another. I plan to look for that, I know well figure it out, some way or another. Nathan bought our little bump a baby gift. Im so fortunate and grateful for my man, that he really is mine and will stand by me, want a life with me, and will be here for me and our baby, i love him truly, i couldnt have found anyone better for me.
How about getting married earlier than 2015, though? Seems to me there's more of a rush now. Then you can apply for a spousal visa, move to Scotland and live as a family, and since you are still so young you'll be able to apply for college later on. Education is very important, and I'm sure that if you live together, a few months after the baby is born you'll be able to manage studying and being a parent at the same time.