Michelle if you have a problem with allowing me to let members know I'm leaving and how to contact me to keep up with me, as friends, then I suggest you contact me privately. I am not badmouthing anyone and I never gave you permission to delete that blog post.

As the title implies, this is the last thing I will write here on LFAD and I will not be returning.

First off, I would like to thank the people who have made me feel welcome, a little less crazy, and who, in time, became the greatest friends I've had. You supported me, my relationship, and during less than stellar times showed that love not only knows no distance, loyalty knows none either. Thank you to the members who kept in touch with me while I was gone, risked their membership for me when I never asked them to, and for those who couldn't get in touch with me but sent their thoughts and concerns through others. You are what I will miss.

I will not go into detail about the incident that caused my banning, I will only say that despite the official reason tagged onto it I was deserving of the punishment for some less than respectable actions toward another member with whom I did not agree with in terms of how or what they posted. When you spend a number of days awaiting such action, it's pretty safe to say you knew what you did was wrong. However that's not the reason I'm leaving, I had every intention of waiting out my sentence quietly and returning in hopes to make amends with those I had hurt and those who were unhappy with me for starting it in the first place. We're all human, so long as we take responsibility for our actions and admit we have the capability of being wrong or acting rudely, we're not the worst thing to happen to the world.

Unfortunately it was what happened during my banning that has changed my mind and while I won't say why specifically to avoid stirring the pot yet again, I will only say I am wholly disappointed and offended to a degree. If so many of you, and I use the word “you” as a general statement not to any particular person or persons as I am ignorant to identities behind this, regarded me as someone only here to cause trouble, make people cry, and even make certain members afraid to post lest I rip them apart then you never took the time to know me nor did you take the time to be a friend, as that's what I came to believe this community was, a place to grow friendships, and tell me to cut it out. None of you can claim you did just that.

It has been in this time I have learned just who my friends are and who were wolves in sheep's clothing and unfortunately the latter seemingly outweighs the former to the point I believe staying here is only going to dredge up more needless drama, headaches, anger, and hurt not only for me but for others regardless of their involvement. I have removed myself from all things LFAD related because personally I want no reminder of this place and I'm sure plenty don't want any reminder of me here and I respect that. Everyone's entitled to not like someone, to disagree with their method of anything, and to find them reprehensible or offensive. My only regret was the problem was not solved sooner, I might have stuck around then.

However, it was brought to my attention by another member that several people were asking about me in my absence, whether out of concern or otherwise, and I encourage those wanting to keep in touch to contact me through these venues:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000387672920

My Website (which has a link to my Livejournal): http://samuraigirl.deviantart.com/

My E-mail: ColorMyPencils@hotmail.com

All IM handles (I use AIM and MSN) will have to be personally asked for as I do not publicly advertise them anymore for personal reasons.

I am honestly sorry to go as I have felt in the year I have been here that this place was a second home to me and a place I could trust others to understand a relationship as complicated as mine is. I enjoyed being able to help others truly in need and felt a sense of accomplishment and pride whenever I was thanked or was told my advice had helped someone, because I know how hard it is for someone to understand the situation you are in unless you have lived it. Despite this, I feel I cannot stay here and have my every move monitored as though I were on parole. That is not what this site is about.

So goodbye to those I have come to know, goodbye to those I was beginning to know, and goodbye to those I'll never know. Be strong, never give up, and fight for what you believe in even when you're standing alone. Life is what you make it, make it about being with the one you love and the one who loves you back.

Sincerely,

Sara Schneider AKA LadyMarchHare