It's now Saturday and I hardly heard from him since Tuesday. Different time zones and all. Thank god, he's back home now. Well actually, retreated to his mancave because he's tired and grouchy. I understand why he's like that, with jetlag and post-holiday blues I couldn't expect much else tbh.
Maybe the reason why he doesn't feel excited about coming home to me is because he's not coming home to me. When he's home, he's just a little less un-available. Don't get me wrong, he's a good boyfriend. This LDR could've easily been about 100 times harder if he wasn't the way he was, trusting and supportive. But words are only available to us some of the times, and when they fail us, we are alone again.
I would deal much better with this loneliness, if there was something to look forward to at the end of it, something a little bit extra to compensate for the lack of our routine. If there was just one hug at the end of it, even if he sat and sulked for the rest of the day. But I can't get that. I'm dying for him to tell me he missed me, that he's happy to talk to me again, for words to bridge the gap and satisfy my hunger. Words he currently doesn't have.
So what's my gratification? To go from missing him like crazy to missing him like a little less crazy. Feels like I just won the lottery.
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