How's that for an alliterative title?
So I've been forming this little (big?) plan in my head. Obviously, I am pretty unhappy right now and, knowing how long US spousal visas are taking, I'm worried about spending another year like this. We turned in the first part of the visa petition in November, things can take anywhere between 6 months to a year before just the first part of the process is over. Then another 2-5 months for the next parts of the process. So basically it is super hard to predict. If everything got approved we could be moving to the US as early as Summer 2014 or as late as Spring 2015.
As you know, I'm a teacher here. So I don't really want to start the school year and then live midway through the year (although I'll do it if there is no other option). So I started thinking of solutions- why not move me and our 2 girls to the USA this summer, start job hunting and what not while staying with my parents, and then my SO can join us when the visa comes through. It seemed like the perfect plan- get a head start on job searching before he comes, figure out where we're going to live, give my SO and I some much needed time apart.
So as I'm in bed, pondering my genius plan, I realize that Rokia is not American (duh!). She has a tourist visa but the length of stay for that needs to be under 6 months and I don't know how it would be enrolling her for school and what not while she's on a NON-immigrant visa. And then what would happen if we needed to stay longer than 6 months?
My next thought was that Rokia could stay with my SO and Amina come with me, but that would make me really sad to separate the girls and for me to be so far from Rokia for an unknown amount of time.
Ughh so am I missing something or is my plan totally thwarted? I can't imagine living another year or more like this. I also don't want to start the school year teaching and then leave mid-year.
Why must this be so complicated?
-End whiny rant-
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Mali is a bad place for us as a couple right now. My SO is constantly being pulled between what is the cultural norm for men and what I want from him. I'm not making excuses for his behavior; even he recognizes that he is wrong, he just struggles with changing it.
I believe that trying our relationship in America is our only hope at this point. We have both said that maybe this new plan, of me leaving ahead of him, will save our marriage and help us get through the next year. Because if we have to spend another year together, in Mali, we might get to an even worse place than where we are and it'll be harder to rebuild our relationship once we get stateside.
As for Rokia, I truly don't believe he'd change his mind (although, of course, anything is possible). He wants the best for his girls and he recognizes that us all being in the US is the best thing for everyone.
Edited to Add: We just had another long talk about the possibilities and I think we've come up with a new plan. I would take the girls to the US for the summer. At the end of summer, Rokia would come back to Mali and stay here until their visas (hopefully) get approved. Amina and I would stay with my parents and I would start figuring out where we're going to live and what type of job opportunities I can find.
This new plan would split our family up for probably 3-6 months but I think it'd be worth it, for my own sanity and for the girls not having to be in a house with 2 people fighting a lot.