It's been a while since i've posted a blog (Dec 2011 to be exact). I just have a lot on my mind and i do feel a bit lonely at times. So i'll start with my updates

UPDATES
1. I had a little girl in August of 2012
2. My dad passed away in Sept of 2012
3. Been doing an internship in Chile since June of 2013

Those are all my updates haha, now to move on to my thoughts.

So my daughters dad and I broke up in 2011 before I knew I was pregnant. I haven't dated since then and I don't really have a chance to date as i'm raising our daughter as what it seems like a single mom even when we are in the same country. I'm from the US and He's from Chile (he's not the reason why i'm doing my internship there). When I started my internship in Chile in june he loved it and would spend tons of time with her and with I, it was nice that she had her dad in her life. I've been back in Utah since August due to some issues with housing, visa's and the internship (those are all for another blog post). I'm suppose to be going back to Chile in January for all of 2014 and then i'll graduate with the plan to live in Chile and work until i get citizenship.

Well things haven't exactly gone as planned come to find out in June he was dating this girl, but she broke up with him because she was jealous of me and the time he was spending with me (of course he was spending time with me, we have a child together) she basically said he was ignoring her and abandoning her. Fast forward to Nov 2013 he tells me oh by the way i'm dating this girl, which I'm fine with we aren't together anymore. I just told him remember your daughter comes before this relationship you are starting, he says don't worry I won't and I voiced my concerns about how when he started hanging out with the first girl he wouldn't call and talk to me for a week or two at a time (for me it was him talking to his daughter not me) and I said I don't want it to happen again and I know it will, a month and 4 days after they start dating guess what..... He hasn't talked to his daughter on the phone in 3 weeks, 3 fucking weeks and every time i bring it up he says, oh sorry i'm busy. The fuck you are busy, every time I turn my back he's posting pictures of himself and this little girl toy of his on facebook going to northern chile, southern chile, out to eat etc yet he's busy so he'll call us when he's not as busy... Seriously you are busying spending all of your time with this little whore of yours that you've forgotten about your daughter the one person you said you'd never forget about. I can call him and I do, but every single time i call him he either says he's busy or he doesn't answer the phone.

Then I'm suppose to be going back to Chile in January to finish up my internship and the plan was for me to stay with him and his grandma so he could have a lot of one on one time with her before we moved into our own apartment. Well he has the nerve to tell me you have two choices you and our daughter can stay with my grandma or you can come and stay with my girlfriend and myself at her apartment. I told him no, the agreement was we'd be staying with you and your grandma at her house. I said there is no compromise it's we all stay at your grandma's or nothing at all and we won't be going back to Chile as I will not allow myself or my daughter to stay with someone I don't even know even though you'll be there plus I don't want my daughter around her until I get to know her really well and you've been dating her for 2+ years and there is a plan to get married.

His family isn't happy with him either because I told them I know you guys want to see your grandchild, great grandchild and niece, but he needs to decide who's more important to him this new girl of his or his daughter who'll be his for the rest of his life. I said she needs her dad in her life, but if he's choosing not to be in her life then I won't allow her to be in his because what always happens is once he breaks it off with the person he's dating he comes crawling back to me and wants to act like nothing ever happened and start where we left off, sorry but i can't do that anymore my daughter needs someone stable as a father figure and if he doesn't want to be that person so be it, i'll find someone else to fill that position down the line, who'll love her like his own.