But no. I'm going to sit on my arse and blog so I can later regret it.
There's quite a bit on my mind. I've been stalking all the meet-up action that's been happening here lately and I'm a bit jealous. I really think it would be great to have a LFAD convention. Well, except for the people who's SOs don't know about this place because that would totally blow their cover
I also can't stop thinking about Ryan and Michelle. They're both members here, Ryan's a blogger, I never see Michelle post anymore though. We met ages back in BC. Anyway you might remember Ryan mentioning that they moved their wedding date forward so that his grandfather (who he has an amazing relationship with) could be there because Grandpa was very sick.
From what I can gather from facebook, grandpa passed away the day before the wedding. I cried when I read that, and I'm still crying on the inside. It's distressing me. I wish there was something I could do or say... but there isn't so I'm opting for "respectful distance" instead. But if either of you read this, you have my deepest sympathies as well as my congratulations.
On the home front, things are great with my little family, but weird when it comes to my older sister. Like, really weird. Our whole dynamic has changed now that Isis is here and it's taking me a bit to find my feet on that. I've noticed our communications over text or facey have remained more or less the same, but if we're together in person she more or less ignores me. Granted, I noticed the other day when they came round for Chris's birthday, that she was ignoring everyone, not just me. She didn't participate at all when we gave Chris his gift, and wouldn't respond when he spoke to her. She's 100% focused on the baby. And whilst the love she has for my spawn is beautiful, it's also fucking rude too. You know?
Sometimes it is hard to hold a conversation with Isis around. I mean, you look at her tiny face and then *poof* all your thoughts disappear for a moment, or she's doing something new and adorable every other minute, but... with Bec it just goes to a new level of awkward. I feel like I'm intruding or something, even though it's my brat, my house. I feel like... like she's waiting for me to leave. Anyway, it's her birthday and our family Christmas dinner on Thursday (they work so much and we're all going away for Christmas so this was the only time slot we could all make) and I'm wondering how that will go.
Thinking Christmas, we picked up all our camping stuff yesterday (Which is an esky, a small tent, two sleeping bags and two folding chairs) and booked a car for the week. We'll be roughing it a little and relying on the public BBQs a bit, but as I said to Obi, we're not buying a shitload of camping stuff that I have to somehow find room for unless we actually start camping on a regular basis.
I don't even know that I like camping. I know I do like *clean*flushing toilets and a shower every day and those things aren't really compatible with roughing it (and I don't think going out in an RV is "camping", I'm sorry. If you're sleeping in a bed and you can be comfortable if it starts pissing down, you're not bloody camping.) but from what I can gather Canadians are pretty big on camping, at least the ones I know. I think it's got something to do with only having like one month of summer. They try and be outside for that entire month to stock up on vitamin D for the year.
But yeah, I have not been camping since I was a brat, and back then I couldn't think of something more boring. So we will see.
I'm a little worried about the nappy situation, and a little worried about all the co-sleeping we'll be doing with Isis, but a man makes do, right?
Today I'm also determined to do some story boarding for my novel. I don't know if it will be the standalone I'm working on, or the series I've been pushing for the past five years, but I want to get some of one of them done today. I had this epiphany the other day.. no that's the wrong word... like.. I don't know one of the voices in my head reminded me that I need to maintain my individuality, I'm not just a mum. My life should not just be Isis. And since then I've been determined to find the time. It's just ignoring the house mess and getting to it that's a problem. Oh and blog procrastination.
On other fronts, my father in law is trying to catch up with me to Skype, because we didn't get a chance on the weekend, and I'm like... how do I get out of this? It's great they want to have face time with the baby, but.. I don't know. I guess I'm nervous, which is dumb because I lived with these people and had long conversations with dad almost every day (because he works from home). I can see me trying to get out of it anyway. They are here in two weeks....
Time and planning are on my mind too. Like, I'd like to go to Canada for Christmas next year, or go on the NYE LFAD cruise if that turns out to be more than hot air but there's the next spawn to consider. I know they say breastfeeding stops you getting pregnant, but I also know a few women who relied on that and ended up with another baby so I'm not banking on it, especially seeming it was so easy to fall pregnant the first time. Obi and I also agreed that we don't want a Christmas baby, so if I'm not knocked up before the end of Feb we'll break out the condoms (yuck!) for a couple of months. I know that you can't fly after 7 months (or at least I'm pretty sure that's the rule) too, so my brain is trying to fit all this together to make a plan. I also don't know how work will go. I guess I'll only be back a few short months if all goes well. They wont hold my job a second time, but I'm pretty sure I could re-apply later down the line and get the job back if I wanted it.... I like thinking about this kind of stuff.
Carrots to you all.
No. Just no.
I suppose it's easier for me to say as I wouldn't be travelling with a SO and wouldn't be tempted by anyone.