The whole time leading up to our trip, mum was really super excited and maybe a little pushy about me going to this "break away" thing with her. I knew it must be a church thing because her whole life is church these days. She's involved in so many things, most of which I admire. I'm almost envious, except without the negativity. Gods, my English skills are lacking today huh? What I mean is it would be nice to have a spiritual community to be so involved in and to be able to have the man-power to help people. Of course for me that's never going to happen, there aren't enough Wiccans, and Christians don't do interfaith. (Mum gave me a lecture on why this is so)
She has her regular Sunday church stuff where she's in the band and on the worship team and prayer team, then there's another church she plays in the band with too and goes to Mexico on missions with (even though she "doesn't belong to that church". I think it's a regional thing, because they appear to be the same brand of Christian
) then she goes on retreats and if she's not busy with all of that she has "Nightshift" where once a week they put on a little Christan concert for the homeless bums in Surrey and hand out food. It's constant, and the thing that shits me is it often comes before her family. But I'll come back to that.So, she wanted me (and the baby) to go to breakaway so she could "show us off", and I agreed. Originally I thought it would be a good chance for Obi to hang out with his mate and maybe go play poker or some boring shit that I'm not into. Unfortunately, mum changes the plan at last minute making me dependent on Obi to get there and back (instead of going with her) so he didn't end up getting to go and have man time. Well, they played video games, and I'm sure he didn't mind
What is break away? Well it's a women's only Christian event, running one morning a week. Mum works extra on other days so she can have time to go to this thing. Anyway, they teach you about things that women need to know (I shit you not) like gardening, cleaning and other housekeepy-things, staying fit, needlework etc. It's a big event with 100-200 people each week. And they have two rooms, one runs one topic and the other a different one - in case your woman skills in the kitchen are already awesome and you need to know how to fix your husbands shirts instead. I personally thought they ought to teach something useful, like how to change your own oil or the basics of plumbing but apparently we have husbands for that.
Anyway in mum's chosen room there was a demonstration on canning. I don't know why they call it canning, seeming they use jars, but it was good... I don't know if I'll ever find the time (or extra cupboard space) for that, but I learnt something new and that's never a bad thing. Interestingly enough, they didn't try to "Christianize" it. There wasn't a single mention of Jesus in the whole demonstration, and the reason I thought that was odd is with Wiccans if we get together for this kind of thing it's all about turning mundane tasks into spiritual ones. How to connect to the Goddess or spirits or the earth or whatever while you go about your day. When you're Wiccan you take that and use it in everything you do. So it was weird for me to be at a religious event, learning something so ordinary. I hope that made sense.
The other room was running a fitness workshop. Now despite how irritating and sexist I find it that women of the church should be doing these things and nothing is expected of blokes (there was very much an undercurrent of this attitude) I would have been interested in that. I'm slowly getting into fitness, despite the 3kg I stacked on in Canada. But it wasn't to be, mum wanted me to stay and do the bible study of Nehemiah (I apologise if I spelt that wrong, it's not intentional) so I humored her.
... They made me watch a freaking lego movie on this shit. Thankfully it was fairly short because it was terrible. At that point Isis had enough so I spent some time walking in circles with the pram (the room was huge, so at least we didn't disturb anyone) and the whole time mum was shadowing me catching me up on the story of Nehemiah. Wish was good because my recollection is vague on that stuff, but honestly bible stuff tends to fill me with a rage. No, that's not the devil in me trying to keep me from the light, that's the commonsense in me that says "this is oppressive, narrow-minded bullshit".
So we watch our lego movie and listen to the video speaker and then, just like in school, they hand out question sheets to see if you comprehended what you just saw. Before we have to do our worksheets though, the band plays so off mum goes to rock the house. They were a bit out of time with each other, but the music was good. By this point everyone at my table has left. One chick had this tiny baby with hearing aids, and the other women left to do fitness or something. So there's just me until this person I've not yet been introduced to quietly creeps up to my table, asks if a seat is free and then starts grooving to the music. By grooving I mean "joining in the worship", holding her hands up and touching herself and stuff.
The music ends and before mum comes back this new person starts talking to me. She's like "Can I do my sheet with you or should I go to another table?" so I politely told her I'm not Christian and that it would probably be more fulfilling for her to join in another group. You know, in case the huge pentacles I'm wearing didn't clue you in. Instead she chooses to stay and tell me her life story. She's a really nice lady, got four kids and her Husband's Egyptian (and Muslim) and then mum's back and she's excited I've made a friend. So they are doing their worksheets and... well I can't say ignoring me... because they didn't. They asked me questions, but when Sarah asked me things she phrased them so that the only answer I could give without being an asshole was an agreement and when mum asked me things she rushed on and made sure I'd have to interrupt her to give a reply. Which was lame because I was on my best behaviour.
The thing that really shat me to tears though was during the worksheet part. We had to read out this bible passage and the gist of it was "We must fear God. We love him because we're afraid of him and that fills us with joy".... honestly... do these people realise how stupid they sound? Anyway, they discuss that and how the bible is a beautiful book of love and how they can feel God reaching out to them through his word. That's nice, good for you! But then they start bashing on the Qur'an. How it's all fear and hate and evil and dis-empowering. And I really really wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up at that point... because it's all perspective. I have not read the Qur'an, but I've had mates who believe in it and from other research it seems to me to be very similar to the bible.
But that aside I've spent the last two hours listening to shit about how we need to live our lives in fear and how we'll never be good enough for God but we need to keep trying to reach this unattainable standard (yes, that's pretty much a direct quote), we're all flawed and can't stop ourselves from sinning... Do these people know what this shit sounds like to an outsider? It sounds a lot like fear, hate and evil dis-empowerment. Especially if you're a woman! It was just so hypocritical I wanted to stab myself in the face.
I left angry. Obi bought me Timmies to reward me.
Not surprisingly, before it had started mum was all "I need your honest opinion about break away, how you felt, if it's effective and appealing in the way that it will bring more people into the church yadda yadda" but afterwards she didn't ask.
I think to enjoy this stuff you need to be really far gone into the scene.
Little rant to finish off: I don't need to live in fear. And what kind of sick and twisted fuck makes a deliberately imperfect creation (remember he's supposed to know everything including the future) and then makes that creation suffer for it, generation after generation? What kind of tyrant expects perfection from his people, but then admits to being jealous? Jealous and perfection don't really go hand in hand. Nor does punishing people for being the way you made them, what the fuck is that shit? Not to mention the love everyone, except if they are different from yourself thing (I know Jesus tried to set that straight, but it's condescending no matter how you look at it.) But of course if you don't agree with this stuff it's because you don't understand the bible and have not found God yet. The arrogance of that burns my arse. I have in fact found God, I have a relationship with the divine and you know what? It doesn't involve cowering in fear and blowing smoke up some deity's arse. If I want to worship and give offerings I can (and I often do, because I want to, because it's a beautiful part of that relationship) but I don't have to. I love them because they are good, and kind, and I feel like they love me back. Not because I fear their wrath, or my own nature (I take responsibility for my own nature!! I don't blame a God for making me so sinful!!) or because I'm told it's the only way out of an eternal hell. They don't care if I worship someone else, or no one at all. And when I call out, they are there for me. I don't have to tell myself "This is a test from God" because it isn't, I know it isn't.
I will never live in fear. I will never rejoice in a God or scripture that tells me to hate.
I know I probably touched on some nerves there, but I needed to get it out. I have a lot of Christian friends who I love and respect. I admire many for their beliefs and their ability to want to help people. I'm not trying to attack anyone directly or indirectly. This is just how I feel. Different strokes.
Tanja, I'm about half way through
Tooki, Irreligious is a great word.
Laura + Nicole, I have no idea what denomination they are. I've asked mum several times and she either says she doesn't know (How can you not know?!) or she lists the things they believe in. I think they must be the Christian answer of Eclectic Wicca - You know, just take things you like from all different sects and call them your own, buffet style.
The old testament shit riles me up pretty badly honestly. If you reference anything negative from the old testament, most Christians are ready to tell you that Jesus obliterated it and it's not followed anymore. But at the same time churches are still reading the old stories (pretty sure Nehemiah was in OT. How pretty is that name though? Love it!) and that's where the Ten Commandments come from and they are still followed. We're allowed to wear poly/cotton shirts but can't be gay, allowed to hold hands with a woman on her period and eat pig but no longer keep slaves... When it's all there on paper, shouldn't it be all or nothing? (This isn't rhetorical, if you're Christian feel free to enlighten me)
I honestly can't really answer your question, Zephii. I can try - though, with my limited knowledge. (I'm still a "newb", haha!) The biggest difference, to my knowledge, between the OT and the NT is that all of the books in the OT were written prior to Jesus' time. This means that the books in the OT were very much geared towards groups of people who were, for lack of a better word, "heathens". (
I had something else, but I have completely forgotten it. Boo. Maybe I'll think of it again in a bit, but, probably not.
Oh. I do know there are Christians that struggle with what you're saying though, too. I mean, I got into several (rather heated) arguments with R about this kind of thing - and he says that he is a Christian. Which, I'll never understand. I agree though, it should be "all or nothing", but you can't take everything so literally. (Even in the NT, things have to be read in context.) Like, for example. One of the "hot topics" with R was the book of Ephesians - specifically chapter 5, verses 22-24.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
But what is neglected is verse 21, & verses 25-33. "21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The point here, is not that husbands are to dominate their wives. The point is not that wives are to be subservient to their husbands - and a lot of people forget (or don't know) that. Christ died for the church. Husbands are called, by the Bible, to protect and support and love their wives like Christ loved the church - like that they would die for their wives.
Wives are called to submit to their husbands - not to be their slaves. "Submission" is giving up control of situations - let's be honest, generally speaking, women aren't the best at this. Anyway. I'm rambling now and I think my comment is longer than most of my blogs
It doesn't answer my main question though. Either the rules in the OT still stand or they do not. And I don't know which it is!