34 days until I fly out to the gorgeous country of Italy to see the SO.
I'm ecstatic of course and getting impatient. It always happens. You wait patiently for so long and when you're so close you get impatient, , at least that is how get. My own little quirk.

But yea, I will be staying for an entire month. That is the longest my bf and I will have spent together. The first time was two weeks (stupid school.....well it was important at the time) and the second time was for three weeks when he came to me.
Now this will be a month of awesome adventures, with some disagreements and little arguments I'm sure. I mean we can't always be happy with each other right?
After this visit in August/September it will be the last time until we see each other again for a long time.
An LDR is one expensive hobby people, as most of you must know. I don't want to be flying back and forth and spending all this money that I don't have. So we both agreed this is the last visit and then time to buckle down harder.

When I come back I'll have passed my state exam to get my license I worked hard for. He will graduate and get his masters in December.
I will start searching for a full-time job to start working for my career. We both hope he gets a job fairly quickly soon after graduating.
This is when I am going to save every penny I can so we can get a place.

The place part is the tricky part, because we still don't know who's going to move where. Like I've mentioned in previous posts, both of us are willing to move for the other. It all basically comes down to the job. Who's going to get the job where. We shall see what the answer is in about 8 months (fingers crossed).


Now to talk about the over-thinking and paranoia; my trademarks.

In the past I tend to get a little sad and selfish when he has an exam coming up.
And the same thing always happens, and I'm trying to get better with this.
Okay so he starts to prepare for an exam or two; so this means him studying his material for basically 24 hours straight. My SO is hardcore with the studying, as he should be because this is his education and future we're talking about. And I am proud that he's that responsible and determined. BUT that does mean less time for us to talk. *Sigh* I know I know, he needs to study and this is important. I get it, because I've done the same in a previous relationship. This is different though. This is an LDR man. I can't see him whenever I want.

So I start over thinking and assume there is something wrong and he isn't telling me something. Then it blows up because I hold it in and he assures me when he explains everything. Then I feel stupid.

For some reason, this time it feels a lot different than before.
Ever since he came back from China things do feel different, and not in that good way. Actually when I think about it I think it's been happening slowly even before he left for China.
It's the little things, the texting or lack-of, same goes for video chatting.
We've done that about 4 times since the three weeks he's been back.
We usually do it like 3-4 times a week....
Even when he would study in previous times, he would still make time to talk to me.

I've asked if there was something wrong or something that's on his mind. Same answer, no he's fine, just studying.
He is never the one to hesitate to say I Love You when he goes to sleep, he always says it to me every day when he goes to bed. Today he wished me a good evening, and that we would talk soon. But no I Love You.
I did that thing where I waited just to see if he was going to send it to me. I waited a good 5 minutes. Nothing. So I sent it. He responded immediately with an "I Love You too". He might have been doing the same thing with the waiting.

I do feel really stupid for over analyzing everything. But I can't help it. I know the easiest thing would be to talk about it and find out up front. I guess I'm just scared of finding out that things are changing.

I don't expect our relationship to stay the same. We all change our ways a little as the days pass.

I am going to ask him on Thursday since he'll have exam done and over with.

Keep you posted...