My boyfriend lives across the other side of the US from me and we are still surviving this long distance relationship. Well, I like him a lot... too much. If I didn't, I wouldn't want to wait for him until I see him again. That’s the thing, I’m 15 and he's one year older than me. So I guess I have to wait until he is 18 to come down here to live possibly with me and I’m up with that... Do you think it’s worth it? Like, am I closing myself off from the world? I know I’m young, but I really need him.
Dominique
Dear Dominique,
I guarantee you don’t need him. If tomorrow aliens take him from earth and you never see him again, you will carry on. You’ll be sad, but you won’t stop breathing. You would eventually move on and love again.
There’s also the risk that later on one of you will resent the other, or wish they could have seen what else was out there. You’re young, but not too young to understand the risks, and not too young to deal with them together as a couple. Two years is not long to wait to close the distance, especially if there are visits in between to help keep the relationship strong.
You’re not closing yourself off from the world – you are holding a long term relationship. Long or short distance, couples in long term relationships do step back from the dating world and need to make sure they are making it worthwhile for each other. If you can do that, nothing else really matters. It’s worth it if both of you are happy and feel like it’s worth it.
Dear Miss U,
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years. We lived in the same city for 3 years and on the 4th year he and his family moved out of state. He's been able to visit me every summer since he's moved. He does love me truly; and I do too, except there is only one flaw in us that does make it uncomfortable or not as romancing as I would wish. He is a shorter and a smaller guy compared to me. Out of anything the reason why I would leave him is because I want to find a taller man. Aside from that I do want to live the single, flirtatious life I hadn't got the chance to since we dated so young (7th grade). That's what I want to do "right now" since we are far apart and can't do much with each other. The stupid thing about this is I do eventually want to be with him because I know he can be the one to really love me at the end. So in other words, I want to be single right now but in the near future when I'm ready to settle, I want him to be the one. He has been my support system for all these years and I know he will truly do anything for me. What should I do? By the way, I did meet someone new. Help me please.
Annie
Uh-oh Annie! What a pickle!
First I’d like to commend you for sticking it out seven years. That’s a massive effort seeming you were really just kids when you got together. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had the same thoughts as you, so I’m going to suggest you just be honest with him and ask if it would be alright to open the relationship for a little while. You don’t have to blast the door to the relationship off its hinges – but talk about possibly going out separately and playing the field a little bit. You might like to compromise and rule out certain activities – for example one couple I know do not allow each other to kiss their hook-ups, but everything else goes, while others allow flirting, kissing and even oral sex but they draw the line at penetration.
If you want him to be the one at the end of the day, then his feelings need to remain of paramount importance. I wouldn’t suggest outright breaking up, nor “taking a break” – Breaks seem to do more harm than good – unless you are both open to the idea you might fall for someone else emotionally. If you break up, you’re cutting him lose to replace you with no guarantee that he won’t do exactly that.
Talk to each other. After seven years I would expect that there is nothing you can not discuss as adults.
Also, did you feel like you wanted to date and flirt before this new guy came on the scene? Could it be a case of he’s-here-my-boyfriend-isn’t?
I think taking issue with his height so far down the road is simply an excuse you’re giving yourself, to make you feel like this is ok. Wanting to leave someone because they are too short is, forgive my bluntness, completely stupid and shallow. Being shorter than you isn’t going to affect anything in your life really - except make some people s****** because they hold an out-dated belief that the man needs to be taller than the woman. Really, examine why you care about this one fact. If he’s great in every other way – if he checks all the other boxes on your list of expectations – then just deal with it. You’re never going to get everything in a relationship, if something like height is what you have to compromise on to have a great guy then count yourself lucky!
It’s perfectly normal to want to “shop around” a little bit – just to make sure that the one you’re taking home forever is the best you can get, even if you are already pretty certain. Make sure he understands that you want to do this for your own piece of mind so that you don’t resent him and decide to cheat on him after a few years of marriage. Be kind and honest and give him time to think before you expect a reply.
Sincerely
Miss U
