I recently realized I had to move away from my boyfriend of 3 months, I want to know if there's anything I need to know about starting a long distance relationship? My boyfriend knows and really wants it to work as well.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I feel the only thing people need to know about starting a long distance relationship is that you need to treat the relationship and your partner the same, regardless of proximity. That means making time for each other, supporting each other and meeting each other’s needs. Your relationship doesn’t go on pause. You’re still responsible for maintaining it. Keeping it fun and fulfilling, and moving it forward.
Also, attitude really is everything. You can choose to see this as positive – that you’re staying together, making it work and continuing to be an awesome couple – or you can feel sorry for yourselves and suck all the joy out of what may otherwise be a really wonderful relationship.
Don’t define yourselves as a LD couple, and you won’t be one forever.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I are completely inseparable. He's absolutely perfect for me. We skype every night and during these times, we often bring up our future together.
Yesterday, I flew back home from visiting his family for the first time and it was magical. Because of that, my whole understanding of what I wanted in my future. I didn't think I'd really like this New England town, but I was super wrong. Everything about this town was perfect: the weather, the vibe, the people, everything was great. I even began to think I could finish my education there due to the place being a university town (I had to leave my first college due to health issues). I felt more at home there than I do here in my own town.
We once agreed that he would come down to California to start our future, but now I'm so lost in what to do. I would love to move with him in Connecticut but my family is a huge obstacle since they're very overbearing and not the most open minded when it comes to things like this.
My entire perspective has been flipped and I'm lost. I have no one who could help me. I don't know what to do. What do you think Miss U? What can he or I do? What do you recommend?
G
Dear G,
Personally I would think that moving away from your overbearing family would benefit you and the relationship. You don’t need people interfering with your life, especially at the point where you’re finding your feet as an independent adult and taking your relationship to the next level.
With that said, visiting a place and living there are very different things and you need to realise that the added euphoria of being with your partner may have colored your perception of the place.
With that said, this could end up being everything you dream of and more. If you want to move and have the ability to do so, go! This is your life, you have to live it for yourself. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about your family, or that you won’t still be part of each other’s lives, it just means you are doing what is right for yourself which is very important. Remember too that you are an adult. Your family can make things difficult for you. They can guilt the hades out of you. But they can’t actually stop you.
If you want to move, make the plan, save the money, surround yourself with positive supportive people and follow through. People who care about you want to see you happy. Go be happy!
Sincerely,
Miss U.
