Dear Miss U,

It has been nearly a year since I’ve been dating my boyfriend and I’m scared of losing him but things are going really well except we only talk on facebook and the only time we call each other is like only once in two months because its really expensive and they are some people that keep telling me that our relationship won’t last because he might get bored of me so I’m really scared of losing him so what should I do to make sure that he doesn’t think I’m busy? Please help thanks

Alisha


Dear Alisha,

Boredom is something all people in relationships should guard against, so I’m glad you asked this question.

Firstly, have a look into buying a calling card from a 7/11 or supermarket. They can make phone calls a lot less painful. There is also Skype, and I believe facebook has a video chat option now. You do not need a webcam to voice chat over the internet, so this might be an option to look into.

Speaking of options – research your options. Google things that will keep your relationship fresh and interesting, put research into tools that can bring you closer.

Never underestimate the power of snail mail. Write letters; send photographs or postcards. Utilising the mail system reminds him that you’re not just someone that lives inside his computer. You can also add some playfulness to your letters by writing them in a code that he needs to figure out before he can read the message or using invisible ink that can only be read under a black light. You can send a short series of letters/cards too – maybe to count down to an event or instalments of a poem/short story.

Play games together. Ask questions. Involve yourself in his life, and share your life with him in whatever small ways you can.
Also, don’t be afraid to talk to him about ways you can keep the relationship enjoyable. It’s something you both need to put effort into, and it shouldn’t be embarrassing to address.

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Dear Miss U,

My girlfriend and I have a long history. We were best friends in middle school (I had a secret crush on her) and she used to date my best friends. She dated a friend of mine for 5 years throughout high school and even followed him to College. After they broke up sophomore year, she started texting me and we ended up hooking up back at home over the summer. At the end of the summer, we decided to go back to school single and try to stay close. I ended up visiting her (and she came to me) when we decided to start dating.

From the beginning I was attached to her at the hip with my phone. We text all day and I call her 2-3 times a day, usually for long periods of time.

The truth is, I love her deeply. I care about her because she is my best friend in the world. But this semester has been particularly hard. Not only have I become restless in the relationship, we have had communication issues. I feel bored and mundane with our relationship and what's most scary, is that we are coming to terms with the fact that we might both graduate college and not be living in the same cities.
It’s not that we don't want to live near each other (I really would like to be able to see her every day), but I am interested in California and she loves New York. We don't know what we want to do and are conducting different job searches.

I am afraid of breaking up with her. I am also afraid of sticking it out until May/June if we have to break up anyways. I'm hurting and don't know what to do...

Maxmarkusen


You need to talk to her Max, and figure out a plan.

To make this work, there needs to be a compromise. Make a list of the things you both love about the places you’re interested in being (NY/Cali). What makes them appealing? Research other options together as well. Maybe there’s a middle ground you have not yet considered. Can you agree to live in both for a set period of time, perhaps a year each and then you could reassess?

You don’t have to break up – but you do need to figure out what is more important to both of you: each other and this relationship, or location, carer, or whatever other separate goals you have.

It’s hard to be happy in a relationship and give it your all when you don’t know if you have a future together. You control your future though; you can both make choices to include each other.

Is it possible that you’re also talking too much or not doing enough to keep the relationship interesting? Perhaps you’re both slacking off because of the relationship’s uncertain future?

You can pick the relationship back up by remembering the things you did in the early days of your courting that you both enjoyed and recreating them or by trying new things. Simple gestures can make someone really appreciate you and the effort you put into the relationship.
I wish you all the best, if you need to talk further on this issue, don’t hesitate to contact me again.

Sincerely,
Miss U