My girlfriend and I are running out of questions to ask each other, and it gets a bit tense at times. Can you recommend any good questions or lists of deep meaningful ones?
Alex
G’day Alex
It can be hard to come up with good thought-provoking questions! Luckily there are many resources out there for the uninspired. A few good links for books that I or people I know personally have tried and enjoyed :
- 1000 Questions for Couples
- http://www.amazon.com/All-About-Us-P...ref=pd_sim_b_2
- http://www.amazon.com/If-Questions-G...ref=pd_sim_b_7
- http://www.amazon.com/How-Love-Me-Lo...ref=pd_sim_b_3
If you’re poor - and most of us are! – Google also turns up some decent things for free, but your google is as good as mine.
Here are a few good ones I’ve asked in the past:
- Do you need time alone?
- How many hours would you expect to spend one on one with me in a normal week?
- What do you expect of gender roles?
- Do you think our relationship will change after we are married?
- How will we make sure we have quality time together?
- What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
- What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
- Tell me about a time you really felt close to me. What made you feel that way?
- What is your fondest sexual memory?
- People show love in different ways; what can I do to make you feel loved the most? (Gifts, words, touch, etc)
- Why do you love me/ Why do you want to marry me?
- Which of our friends’ relationships do you think ours is the most like?
- If I decided to have a sex change, would you stay with me?
- If we lived together would we have rules about inviting friends over? Do we need to give each other notice, if yes how much?
- What decorating styles interest you? What kind of furniture? (This one is good for many hours. You can plan your dream home together)
And of course, the old classic:
If you and
I suggest keeping paper handy, or having a note taking app on your phone. When a question pops into your head; write it down for later. A lady on the bus giving her baby chocolate milk in its bottle can turn into questions about parenting. A stray comment on the radio can turn into a discussion about politics. A billboard can spark queries about the effect of advertising on your partner’s socioeconomic group… If you’re paying attention to the world around you.
There are no stupid questions.
Dear Miss U,
I would really appreciate some help in coming up with ideas to put in a care package for my boyfriend for Valentine's day. I already know I'm going to send him some homemade cookies and pictures of me. But..
Any other thoughts?
Jenna
Hola Jenna,
I think for the guys the best thing about valentine’s day is likely to be the chocolate, followed closely by the excuse for you to wear lingerie for his benefit. Both these things could happily make their way into a care package (and if you wear those knickers before you send them your secret is safe with me). You can also get hand towels that are packaged to look like cakes (could be necessary if you send the lingerie). A couple of candles and a USB drive with some mood-music can set the scene for the love letter that’s almost a must. Don’t overlook the effectiveness of a lipstick kiss and a love note on the back of one (or more) or the photos you send either. A small token of your affection he can keep in his wallet never goes astray and these little hearts are the perfect combination of novelty and romance.
Love, Always
Miss U
1) "How many partners have you had?"
2) "Was she as good as me?" (Start writing your will in testament now)3) "Do you think I'm overweight/ going bald/ too small/ too large/ need breast implants/" ..... you can see where this is going..... Landmine field of a thousand apologies!!!
4) "Which of my best friends have you most fantasized about?"
There are many questions and ways to get to know your special someone and find out their values, without backing them into a brutal corner, giving them no way to escape. If I have learned anything, (and still learning) it is NOT to ask anything that will come to no good by knowing the answer. The exception might be "Are you a serial killer and why haven't I met your family?" Some awkward info is good to know up front. Other stuff, .....not so much.