My girlfriend and I started dating our senior year of high school, after we had decided on separate colleges, but we both knew we were going to keep dating despite the distance. Two years went by, with us forgoing social lives in exchange for spending on average 8 hours a day "with" each other (video chatting, mostly). In our third year of long distance, we realized that we needed other friends in order to maintain a healthy relationship. That's left us talking to each other less than an hour a day most of the time and I'm having a little trouble adjusting! Are there any ways that we can each let the other know that we still care just as much about each other as before? How can we make the most of what seems like a very little amount of time together?
Thanks,
Ben
Dear Ben,
Balance is a hard thing to master, but it’s needed in all things. To me it seems like your relationship has gone from one extreme to the other.
A key thing to remember is that you can do more together from a distance than just talking. Ask her out on a Skype date! Make time for each other, quality time once a fortnight so you can do more than just catch up. Be corny and get dressed up, pop some popcorn and watch a movie together. Or whatever it is you like to do as a couple. Make time for each other. That’s the thing, together you control the time you have for each other. Tweak it until it’s just right.
It’s hard with only an hour a day to have fun together as well as keeping each other up to date on what happening in each other’s lives, it’s hard to connect. Perhaps some romantic gestures such as a love letter or surprise flowers might help to mix it up a bit in between dates. When you think of her – do something nice and non-time-consuming. A snippet of poetry in her facebook inbox, text her some song lyrics reflecting how you feel, or take a photo with a simple “thinking of you, wish you were here” caption. Small things can have a great impact.
Additionally, keep note of the things you want to mention if you are likely to forget them, so that the hour you do have together isn't spaced by silences and most importantly: remember to ask how each other "How are you?" and "How do you feel?" because sometimes in this situation one or both parties will hold back the things that are stressing them or getting them down, or they wont seek comfort for their loneliness because they don't want to spoil the small amount of time they have with their partner by mentioning anything negative.
Best of luck to you both.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend always calls me babe or baby, a while back I asked him nicely, "don't you ever get tired of calling me babe or baby?" his answer, "no, you're my baby and I ain't gonna call you any different." Every once in a while he'll call me beautiful, but most of the time I'd rather be called sweetheart or love or dear. I just feel bad and I don't know how to tell him without upsetting him.
- Not a baby
There should be nothing you can’t talk to your partner about. If you don’t like being called baby, say so. Same with babe; if you respond with “I’m not a small pig” every time he calls you that, he’ll get the hint pretty fast.
Or, to be more diplomatic, try “I know you mean well, but I really don’t like being called that. It makes me feel [insert reason you don’t like it]” Just be honest. It’s not a big deal and doesn’t need to be.
Sincerely,
Miss U xx
