My man and I had been dating for almost 2 years now, and all but the last 6 months we have been together. We were in the Navy, and I went back to my home state after I got out to wait for him. Last month he decided he was going to stay in California for a year after he gets out to do a "shock therapy" to improve our communication issues (he hates texting and I am not the best at calling).
We recently had an issue because I didn’t call him back after he called me one night which resulted in him calling for a break in our relationship. We have both been under monumental stress lately, but it doesn’t seem fair since we made it through a deployment strong.
I am a pessimistic person and am still crushed over this decision. How can I get him back if he's not here? We were talking about marriage and kids right before this happened, and he is very much a family man. Is this his way of dealing with stress?
Any input would be appreciated.
Spring
Dear Spring,
I’m a bit leery of his explanations honestly. Your long-distance communications aren’t great so he’s deliberately going to keep you long distance for an extra year. Surely he has a better reason for wanting to stay in California than for relationship "shock therapy?" I can think of half a dozen better ways to improve your communication than that and I'm sure you can too.
I also don’t agree with breaks and I never recommend them to people. Breaks certainly don’t fix communication issues – or any issues – your problems will still be there unresolved when you pick the relationship up. Taking breaks is a convenient way to ease into breaking up with a person though.
I respect that you're both under a lot of stress but these need to be the times you pull together rather than break apart. All you can do is call him, talk to him and hope that he talks back.
Dear Miss U,
Me and my boyfriend, Ray, are extremely far from each other, separated by the Atlantic Ocean. I met him online and we have never even come close to touching each other. Occasionally I get this depression and I feel like we won't ever see each other. Skype chatting is one of our options, but it happens extremely rarely because of our time difference. The problem is also the lack of any physical connection. I am occasionally given the cute little "aww!" When I tell someone about it, which shows that there is a small chance that I have some support, but I still struggle with depressions. Is there any way, possibly, that I could cope with this? I mean, it's almost been a year and a half. Help me, please?
Rebecca
Dear Rebecca,
There’s really no trick to coping, you just do it. Sadly there’s no real advice on how, you just manage because you don’t have an option. Breaking up is generally not an option, nor is being in the same country right now, and yet somehow life must go on so you are more or less forced to just keep plodding along.
You will see each other, if you stick it out. If you want it bad enough. If you work hard. You will get there. Reading success stories is often a good way to remind yourself that other people – normal everyday people like you - have made impossible situations work out in the long run. And if they can manage, you sure as hell can too!
The lack of physical connection is hard, but you can help your mind bridge that gap by touching things that he has touched. Ask him to wear a shirt for a day, seal it in a Ziplock bag and send it to you in the post. Small gifts are also nice. Letters sprayed with his deodorant. His lucky pet rock that he has run his thumb over a billion times, or whatever. Go outside and look at the moon; remind yourself that he looks at the same moon, he’s still part of your world. Then wave. I always feel that if I wave at the moon my regards bounce off that satellite to the one I love.
It will be hard, I won't lie to you. But nothing worth doing is ever easy, right?
Sincerely,
Miss U
