I am a senior this year and wanting to move to Indiana to be with my boyfriend after I graduate but he is 2 years younger and I feel like I would be ruining his good times and suffocating him but he wants me to move there so bad. I know he’s the one I want to marry, I also feel really bad for leaving my 5 year old sister she feels like she’s my child in a way and id feel horrible for leaving her because she is so happy to see me every time. I want to move so bad my dad thinks I will and is very okay with it he knows I really care and love him. Am I wrong because I am so young? HELP.
- Confused fa days
Dear CFD,
Being young is a good thing. It gives you time to make mistakes or get ahead , it gives you opportunities to go places before you tie yourself down with a career and property etc. Additionally, age should never be an excuse for not doing something (unless that something is illegal, obviously!). Being young does not automatically put you at a disadvantage, and really, if you were to wait what would be the benefit of that? Would you just be waiting to get older? Just letting time pass you by? Because there is nothing more precious than time, you never get it back, so you don’t want to waste it. If you can do what’s in your heart now – then by all means do it.
Concerning your boyfriend, not everyone wants the same things. Not every student goes through a couple of years of wild abandon with drinking, parties, casual sex and humiliating YouTube videos. Some kids just aren’t into that. If he tells you he’s ready and wants you there, who are you to tell him he’s wrong based on his age? And why do you necessarily need to suffocate him once you’re there? Can’t he still go out and have fun – sometimes alone with the guys, sometimes with you? Can’t you be the fun girlfriend who doesn’t blow his phone up with needy text messages, who all his mates like and invite along?
Leaving family is harder, but there’s such an age gap between you and your sister that I feel it is inevitable at some point. There’s no reason you can’t Skype with her though, or send small gifts and letters in the mail that would completely make her day. Leaving home doesn’t mean cutting contact, and it doesn’t mean you can’t ever go back if things fall through.
You seem to have loads of support, and all the good things about youth at your disposal. Get out there and live a little!
Dear Miss U,
I met my current boyfriend on an online dating site. We have been talking for a month and recently we decided to give each other a chance. He lives in a different province than I and he is my first boyfriend and first LDR. I have read several websites about how to keep the relationship strong. What troubles me is the following: I only get to know him virtually and I don't really know how he interacts with others and his family to see if he's really a decent guy or not. Any suggestions/advice you have to help calm my nerves because I am a bit worried and I do want to trust him, but it is hard, after all he is still a stranger to me. We will eventually meet up in person. Would it be better to meet elsewhere than our own province? Friends have told me to be stay cautious and others worry for my safety. I am a bit mixed up and I don't know what to do Miss U. I need some guidance please.
Thank you. Kiki
Dear Kiki,
Internet dating can be a bit of a minefield, and often it does seem more dangerous than conventional dating. You are smart to be cautious, but don’t let other people’s fears cloud your judgement either. You can get to know people very well online. Firstly, the most important thing is to give the relationship time to develop. Build up a friendship with this guy. There is no reason to rush into meeting in person, especially as this is your first relationship. Sometimes inexperience can make us vulnerable or easier to manipulate because we don’t know what we can or should expect.
It’s much harder in an online romance to see how he interacts with others, but there are a few things you can do when you are both ready. He can introduce important people in his life to you via Skype or another video calling program, or he can leave his cam & mic running when others are around so that you can observe the dynamics between himself and others without interacting with them (besides, it’s fun and a little naughty to peek into other people’s worlds!). As time progresses he will likely begin to tell you about the people in his life, and you’ll see photos of them. He will gradually start mentioning you to people as well, and some will become curious about you and seek contact independently. Something to watch out for is if after six months or so he is unwilling for you to have contact with people in his world other than him, or if he’s kept the relationship a secret.
When you do meet it doesn’t much matter what province you do it in, but obviously it feels safer and is more convenient for the person who doesn’t travel. As the time gets closer for you to meet you will discuss who travels to who or if you meet up on neutral territory.
Below are key things for safely meeting people from online that are always advisable:
- Do not agree to meet him until you’ve seen him on webcam. Pictures are not enough.
- Do not agree to meet him until you’ve had contact with at least one of his friends or family members.
- Do not meet up with him without having someone know where you are going. Arrange for someone to call you, or be waiting for a message from you during the meeting. This way if something goes wrong and you are in danger, help won’t be far behind.
- Meet in a safe public place during the day.
- Listen to your intuition and instincts.
Most of all though, giving it time and asking each other a lot of questions will allow to you get to know each other and build a foundation of trust. He likely has all the same concerns you do!
Best of luck with your budding relationship.
Sincerely,
Miss U
