So my girlfriend found this site the night we started dating. I had no idea something like this existed it gets me excited actually haha. Anyways! I see you guys have books on this site and I know there are other books out there as well. For just beginning in this relationship what books do you suggest we read first?
-Thomas
Congratulations on your new relationship Thomas.
I don't really believe reading books at the beginning of a relationship is necessary, but if you are keen there is a wide range of literature available. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has had wonderful reviews, and I personally would recommend reading up on the inherent gender differences between you. Not the stereotypical “woman washes dishes, man brings home the bacon” things – these gender roles are cultural, not biological – but understanding the way you instinctively relate to the world around you and the way hormones influence your responses.
From this website, you both will likely enjoy the workbook. It has many activities to do together, to help you deepen your relationship and manage the distance aspect of your relationship. Anything that has you asking each other questions is gold, especially once you run out of your own ideas.
I suggest that any book you do pick up, you read to each other and discuss the ideas presented within as every relationship is different and all people have different expectations.
Don't take this whole relationship thing too seriously however, it's supposed to be fun!
Dear Miss U,
I've met a girl online, and I feel driven to be a part of her life. We both love Disney--where she works in Florida--and we're into some of the same things. Due to past trauma, however, I'm nervous if it'll work out and stay together, or even if I really like her. I ask about her every day, and genuinely care if she's upset, scared, or lonely. But I still feel this sunken heart. If given time, will this feeling of questioning go away, as the relationship is built, or should I worry?
- West-Coast Worry
Dear Westy,
If you spend time giving in to the fear of being hurt, you will ultimately sabotage your own relationship. You can't punish a current partner for the sins of one gone before. With any relationship there is risk of getting your heart handed back to you in tiny pieces, but the pay-off is worth it. Over time, you will build trust in her and be able to open up more. Your feelings will also deepen over time, assuming you are compatible, so there is no reason to worry. Just have fun together, and try to relax. Time does wonders.
Realize too that emotions are like water, they ebb and flow. Some days you may not even know why you like each other and other times you will be overflowing with passion. That's completely normal. Try not to question so much, it's still early days.
Dear Miss U,
I know we are young. But we are truly in love. Only my dad feels it will work. His parents don't and my mom doesn't. We talk every night. I used to live next to him but then I moved away. Do you think we can stay together despite our age and everyone's judgement?
- Luna
Dear Luna,
Luckily, other people's opinions only affect your relationship if you allow them to. I'd like to point out that eventually breaking up does not mean your relationship was not successful either: if you are happy, if you are growing as individual and smile more than you cry then it is worth it. If you are getting what you need from each other and you're working as a team; that is successful.
With that said, there is no reason you won't stay together for the long haul. Youth is not a handicap! So go ahead and prove those people wrong.
Sincerely,
Miss U
