My question is not about long distance relationship (even though I am in one), actually is regarding semantics!
My mother language is not English and I've been dating a boy from US. He always says he's smitten with me, but never said he's in love. So I'd like to know if it means that he doesn't like me that much as I don't understand if being smitten is like "one stage before being in love" or something like that...
Could you please help? Thank you very much!
Joanna
Dear Joanna,
Interesting question!
Urban dictionary tells me this:
adjective: describes the feeling one receives whenever they think about or are with someone who makes them ridiculously happy. The experience of satisfaction with someone you're falling in love with.
Vocabulary.com further elaborates on this point saying: Smitten means overwhelmed or struck by something, usually love.
"Smitten” is related to the verb "smite” meaning "to hit or strike" and is used colloquially to refer to love because often when people are enamoured by someone they relate the sudden onset of that feeling to being struck.
To put it plainly; no, smitten is not "one stage before love" it is an intense feeling of infatuation often but not always present at the beginning of a relationship that is generally used to indicate feeling hit by strong loving feelings.
I would say that right now, he doesn't say he loves you because he's not one hundred percent sure, he isn't ready to or he is a little scared of the implications that "L" word has. Give it time, smitten is fantastic.
Dear Miss U,
I am a senior in high school and my parents do not allow me to date. I met my boyfriend over a year ago and he is the best friend I could ever ask for. We have had a secret relationship for almost six months now, but he is moving to South Korea for a year for his dad's career. Most people tell me that I am stupid to stay with someone for a year who isn't even here, but I have faith that we will last. We are very close and we tell each other everything and I can't let that go just because of a few hundred miles... Okay a lot more than a few hundred but you get the point. I would just really like some advice on how to be strong and carry on for him. Thanks so much.
– Kaity
Dear Kaity,
Don't worry about what people say, people always like to bring each other down instead of building each other up. It's a terrible flaw.
Unfortunately there are some things one can not give advice on. I can't tell you how to be strong and carry on. It's just something that will come to you, it's something I have no doubt you will learn to do – out of simple necessity. The best I can offer you is to say: Do not focus on the distance. Focus on him, and that he is in your life against the odds. Don't give in to the temptation to feel sorry for yourself, and when he gets mopey build him up again with positivity.
It won't be easy, but nothing worth doing is easy, so make the best out of the situation, find ways to have fun together even if it isn't in real time and stay busy so the time passes qickly.
Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. For the first 3 years we were together things couldn't have been more perfect. We lived together and spent just about every moment we could together and things were just about perfect. She originally came down to Florida to attend school which is how we met. When she finished school she ended up not being able to find a job in Florida but had a few offers back in her home state, and knowing that she had loans to pay back I supported her 100%. Things were good for the first part of our LDR but lately things have been very hard to work out. She gets insecure and starts to question if we should continue or go our separate ways. I do my best to reassure her and tell her that it's only temporary until I finish school so at least at that point I'll be able to have time and money to see her. When she first moved back we would see each other at least once every month and a half but for the last 4 months I've been very busy with school and she has been busy with work, but lately her constant doubtful thinking has been taking a toll on me and It starts to make me question whether or not it's worth continuing, also she can say some hurtful things at times which she may not mean but I have a tendency to dwell on them which depresses me further. I know feeling sad and depressed is unhealthy for us both, can you please share some advice that might help us continue to make our relationship work?
Charlie.
Dear Charlie,
The reason she's having doubts is that the relationship you are having right now isn't meeting all her needs the way we instinctively know a relationship should. It is much harder to go into a long distance relationship after having lived together, so you both have my sympathy.
I think that despite your time constraints, you need to make this relationship a priority and have a visit. Do something fun together so you can remember why you're a fantastic couple. Having solid plans also helps the distance seem more like an achievable temporary situation. Knowing you will be able to visit more once school ends might not be enough if she (or both of you) have reached your saturation point with the distance.
There are a bunch of small things you can do in the meantime to make the relationship feel more worthwhile to hold on to. Small random gestures just to make her smile, like handwritten letters, flowers (though they are ridiculously expensive), calling her when you know you'll get voicemail to leave a cute message, texting her the lyrics of a song you heard that reminded you of her, asking her best friend to leave a note on her bathroom mirror declaring your love for her, etc.
Sincerely,
Miss U
