I have a good amount of money in my travel fund, around $2200 USD or so. I've been saving up for a couple years now. I'd love to visit my SO this summer, but there are a couple issues. One, he lives internationally (in Europe, so travelling there is very expensive) and two, my family spent a lot this year (bought a new car, remodeling bathrooms, etc). I've casually talked with my parents about visiting Europe (for reasons including, but also other than my SO) and they know how much I want to go. I have even more reasons: we have relatives in Europe, and I've been studying the Renaissance in school. My family has always dreamed of travelling there, so I'm not the only one wanting to go. However, I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this whole idea, because I'm not sure if I'll even be able to visit.
By the time next summer rolls around, my travel fund will have grown by then. But for the time being, I figured that I'd best save up as much money as I can. I'm too young to legally have a job, so I that's out of the question. Do you have any suggestions for ways to save up extra money?
Thanks a million,
Cashless in California
Dear Cashless in California,
You're doing really well for someone without a job, I know adults who don't manage to save so diligently! Good on you.
Whilst you can't get a job there are still things you can do, especially around your neighbourhood. You can offer to wash people's cars, pull the weeds in their gardens, mow their lawns, walk their dogs, baby sit their children, clean out their gutters or figure out the dates for upcoming craft fairs and fates in your area and hold a stall with baked goods or things you have crafted.
If you do have a talent you can exploit, ask your parents to help you set up an ebay or etsy store so that you can sell online.
It's good to get the word out that you are raising funds for your goal (without nagging people of course) because people in the community do feel uplifted by young people with big goals and might like to get behind you. Having your friends and family know means you can ask for money instead of gifts at holiday times and birthdays too.
You can also save money in small ways by carrying food and a bottle of water with you when you go out rather than purchasing food and repairing your clothes or giving them a facelift rather than buying new ones.
Too many people pass up opportunity because it's dressed in overalls and looks like hard work, but you won't be one of them. I wish you the best of luck in reaching your dreams – and your SO!
Dear Miss U,
My LDR boyfriend lives in England I live in the USA. I want to send him a letter but I am not sure how to address it. The way it is in England is different. I have his address but not sure how to write it out PLEASE HELP!
~Scarlet~
Dear Scarlet,
It is a challenge of international LDRs that different countries address their mail differently. Your best recourse is to ask him to lay out his address exactly how it needs to be laid out. But when in doubt try:
The Person's Name
House number & Street name or number
Town/City/Suburb & Post code
State/Provence
Country
Put the return address on the back of the envelope so there is no confusion and make sure you're using the right international stamps. People at the post office get a bad rep sometimes, but they know their stuff and will do their best to get the mail where it needs to go.
Dear Miss U,
My love and I practically been together for 4 years. Ever since high school we're together 24/7. Now that we're in college and far from each other, I don't know what to do. Every week we fight and argue about the same stupid things and we talk about how we don't want to argue but it just won't stop. I know that being in a LDR communication is key, but we can't seem to communicate properly. When we do finally get together everything is perfect and we don't fight, but the distance is really harming us both. I don't want to lose this guy over stupid stuff. What can we do to save our relationship?
- Distance Sucks
Dear Distance Sucks,
I notice you have written that you argue about the same stupid things and that tells me you're not resolving your problems. If you don't resolve them, of course you are going to keep fighting about them! Sit down alone and make a list of the things you argue about. If they can be solved, write three possible solutions beside each one. Remember that you need to compromise, so take into account how you're getting to the halfway point as well as how he's going to meet you there. If an issue can't be compromised on and it must be all one way or another, find another issue you both have that also doesn't lend itself to compromise and have it as a balance.
For example, if BigBangTheory and Doctor Who are on at exactly the same time on Tuesdays and there's only one TV, I will give up my viewing time so that Mr. E's show takes precedence in exchange for on Thursday we watch Bones and not his beloved Dexter. If there was nothing the rest of the week that either of us wanted to watch, I might still give up my BigBang in exchange for him taking a dance class with me, or something else I'd enjoy but he'd never agree to otherwise. There is some level of bargaining in successful relationships, because for some reason our partners just don't do as they are told!
Unfortunately, some things can not be solved, or will not and you don't personally have control over that. When this happens you need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not, and if it isn't you need to let it go and refrain from participating or propagating arguments on that subject in future.
Once you have a cohesive list in front of you and you understand the root of the problems between you, talk to him and show him what solutions you have come up with, and together choose which compromises work best for your two-person team. You may find sometimes you're just arguing because of the pent-up emotions related to missing each other and being frustrated with the distance, which is very common. If this is the case for you, discuss things each of you can do either separately or together to help ease that strain or vent steam so that you're not firing it at each other.
Talk to each other about communication styles and how you each argue as well so that you can better deal with friction when it arises. For example, some people want to talk it out right away while others need time to cool off. Find a way to make this rough patch strengthen you, rather than tearing your relationship apart.
Sincerely,
Miss U
