Me and my SO have been dating for 3 months. We are more than happy, everything goes perfectly, and we made all the beautiful promises in the world. However, in the past, I've had bad experience with guys. It's hard for me to believe into this happiness, it's like too unreal, too beautiful to be true for a girl like me. I know he loves me a lot, and I trust him with my life, but there's just a little inner voice in me that tells me nothing lasts forever.
In our plans, we may meet up this December, and eventually we are going to be together (around 2 years). I don't want to leave him no matter what, but I can't seem to recover from my past experiences.
- Too Happy
Dear Too Happy,
I can definitely relate to this feeling you are having but I believe it will pass given time. Your relationship is still very new, and as such you don't yet have the first-hand experience with your partner as an individual to outweigh all the things you "know” about relationships from your previous experiences with guys. Once you know him in depth (and I know you feel like you know each other inside out already but trust me when I say you've barely scratched the surface in three months) and have built the kind of trust that comes when people prove themselves to you over a period of time these insecurities should fall away.
If they do not and a year from now they still bother you contact a counselor to help you work through your past and release it, so that it does not hold you back.
Dear Miss U,
I have been dating my gf for the last 8 years and I have been in LDR for one year till know , since she is studying in another country with her brother. Our parents didn't know about our relationship since we come from a culture that its shameful or its inappropriate for those kind of relationships. We have sacrificed a lot for each other during the last 8 years together in the last 2 years she went and told her mom about us and her mother was okay about it but kept it a secret from her father. Another person came and propose to marry her, she rejected then her mother told her dad about us he got furious since I am 2 years younger than her and we are not from the same nationalities and we also come from a culture that needs the father approval for his daughter to marry someone. They are trying to force her marry someone else she is depressed and totally devastated, and she has been fighting with her parents for the last 4 months just trying to convince them that she doesn't wanna marry the other guy but her parents are still insisting on rejecting me due to the irrational excuses of my age and nationality do you think we can fight more? Do u think she can hold more? We have built our relationship in a very unique way where we have breakfast lunch dinner at the same time we sleep together and wake up together it's like we do everything together I have never loved someone like I did love her and she has never did as she says, but it's like the path gets to be narrowed.
- Worried
Dear Worried,
Unfortunately I do not really know what course of action is available to you as I'm not personally familiar with these cultures or the legal systems therein, but I do believe you can both fight more if you have the spirit left in you. Is there a legal recourse she can take? I imagine that they cannot force her to marry without her consent. Is it possible you can get help and support from outside sources? Would anyone in your family support your desire to be together and perhaps be willing to negotiate with her family on your behalf? Can she choose to move away from her family's control and work to support herself? I apologize for my lack of knowledge, but I do hope my questions could give you both an idea you hadn't yet considered.
If you both really want this relationship, look at all your options and resources to make I happen. I believe women deserve a choice in their own futures and the injustice of your situation burns me.
Where there is a will, there's a way.
Dear Miss U,
I'm new to a long distance relationships and my girlfriend Dee Dee and I have been together since January 14th and I'm happy with her she told me about her past and I told her my past relationships even though she loves me so much I just for some reason can't really trust her by the way I live in Detroit mi and she lives in Erie pa she trusts me completely but I can't really trust her and I worry how this will affect our relationship with her I just can't trust her also I have worries that she will leave me for someone else she hates when I get worried and idk why but still I just can't trust her fully yet and I hate that I can't even trust her I love her so much but I'm scared I will push her away from me I just want to be with her forever.
Jay
Dear Jay,
Punctuation will make written communication in all areas of your life so much better, please look into that.
Is there an actual reason you don't trust Dee Dee? Has she done something to you or are you (wrongly) judging her on her past? If she has never given you a reason not to trust her I suggest you treat her as though you do trust her until enough time passes that real trust grows. If you are feeling insecure because of something in her past, realize that if she were untrustworthy she wouldn't have been honest about these things, and that she deserves the chance to be supported by a partner in her efforts to better herself.
I'm going to be honest with you – she will leave you if you constantly act suspicious and treat her like she's done something wrong. It's that simple.
You've only known each other a short period of time and true lasting trust does not appear overnight, so don't let it get to you just yet. Give it time, and if you find after a year you still feel this way, either get help from a professional to deal with your issues, or let her go and be with someone who does have faith in her and will build her confidence up rather than tearing her down with their insecurities.
Sincerely,
Miss U
