Even on our first date he warned me he was moving in August. We fell so fast for each other in a romantic summer filed with trips to places like Aspen or Mexico. He's so respectful and kind. I love his passion and drive and feel like it's something I need in my life. The only issue is now he's in New York for medical school, which is awesome!!! This will just be for an extended period of time.. 4 years for med school and another 4 possibly anywhere for residency. With all of this I find the only solution to coming together is me following him the next 8 years. I am a hairdresser that is self-employed with a pretty busy clientele making about 50,000 a year and have only been doing it a couple years so have tons of space to grow. I'm scared to start over but know it is possible, what would you recommend?
Concerned lover
Dear concerned,
I would do it. I would follow him. You're good at what you do, and have the skills to grow your business again. Besides that, I'm of the mind that people and time are more important than money. I'd talk about it and do some hard saving for another few months so that you can get right back into doing what you love as soon as you can, and if you're both comfortable with the arrangement, I'd put the plan into action. Yes it's scary, but 4 -8 years waiting for the next chapter of your romance is scarier.
Dear Miss U,
I'm in a LDR. My boyfriend and I are really busy with school. We haven't talked in 2 months. As for me, I always try to make time to reply him. But I guess he doesn't. I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid he can lose interest in me. I heard that if someone loves you and he's really interested in you he will make time for you and everything which is possible. Is he really so busy with school or just lost interest in me? I'm afraid of it a lot. But when he's online, he replies me and he always says he loves me so much, he miss me and stuff. He always says me the cutest things so afterwards I believe he truly and really loves me.
I lost inside and I don't know what I should do. Please, help! Should I make him miss me? What should I do?
Kris
Dear Kris,
Whilst it is true that you make time for the things and people you care about the most, you also need to take into account his age and experience with long term relationships.
You don't need to “make him miss you". The best advice I can give you that will serve you well in all your relationships forever is: Don't play games.
I know every romantic comedy and sitcom you have ever watched tells you this is how you make a relationship work, but it honestly isn't. What you need to do is have a conversation with him. Don't be confrontational or accusatory, but let him know that it isn't a relationship if you don't actually interact. Ask him for more of his time. Discuss your expectations and needs, and ask him what his are. Find a compromise you can both be happy with.
He probably is busy. But if he's too busy for you, he needs to let you know that so you can move on.
Miss U,
Please don't judge me...!! I cannot take one more person telling me I'm a bitch.
My friend and her boyfriend has been having a lot of problems, once she called me up to and said she was going to commit suicide. I called her back next day to check on her, she didn't pick up the call. Since she lived in a different state my only option was to call up her boyfriend (I hated him then, she used to cry so much because of him)
That is how we got talking and we kind of connected. Since then we spoke almost every day. He was my best friend and was a big support through all my problems.
She broke up with him a few days back (she does this at least once a month and then get back with him) this time he said he was ending it for good. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me and that he has been feeling this way for a long time now. He just thought he would lose me if he told me. I love him and I really want to give this relationship a chance. Is it wrong??? I wanted to talk to my friend before I made any decision (I haven't heard from her in a year now) but when I called her she told me she loved him and she didn't understand why he won't give her another chance.
I really don't know what to do? Should I just ask him to be with her?? Is that the right thing?? I am going crazy here thinking... I really do love him but I don't want to hurt her.
Nina
Dear Nina,
I'm not here to judge people. With that said, when you write to someone asking for help in future, it's in your best interests not to use txt speak. I nearly didn't bother with your email because of all the fixing up it would need. Even if you wrote in on your phone, most devices have predictive text and/or a QWERTY keyboard. You didn't hit number 7 four times to get your S. You're a smart girl, so when you deal with people who aren't your buddies, please type like the intelligent being I know you to be.
Back on topic, no you're not a bitch. And no, you most certainly should not ask him to just be with her.
You didn't talk to this woman for a year. A whole year went by where she didn't value your friendship enough to send you a single text message. All the while you were talking to him. He was there for you. So while your intention was noble, I don't personally think you owe her anything.
Generally the "rule" in my neck of the woods is you can have your friend's ex when he or she gets a new partner. But in your case? Just date the guy. She might not talk to you for another year, and thus won't know. Even if that's not the case and she does know (and do be honest if you're actually in contact, lying is far worse than dating the ex) you need to understand that you're not acting maliciously, you are just chasing your own happiness.
The fact is that she had her chance – many chances! - and the relationship failed. As the two of you respected their relationship while it was taking place rather than going behind her back I think you are above reproach.
He doesn't want her. He wants you, and you want him. She can want him as much as she likes, but that alone won't make a relationship between them succeed. It's over for them. You're not doing anything wrong. You don't owe her anything. You being unhappy won't make her happy, you not being with him won't mend their mangled fences.
Go now, tell him that you want to commit. Tell him you love him and to hell with other people's opinions. In twenty years they won't be saying “You shouldn't have moved in on her ex" they'll be saying, "You are made for each other!"
Sincerely,
Miss U.
