I tried a few times to write this as a post, but damn, I got too much to say and it's mostly for my benefit. Couple days ago, I'm waiting for my SO to finish his post-workout shower. I'm leaning against a wall, out of the way, and just reading on my phone. A guy does a weird, slow, semi-circle approach and stops right in front of me, a little too close. Riiight. I look up, because this jackass is in my space. He goes: "I know you're with someone.." and then looks at me expectantly. Like he expects something good to happen after "I know you're with someone". I look him straight in his stupid face and go "I'm not interested". He's still there and I get increasingly furious with the look on his face. I repeat "I am not interested" and put my phone back up slowly. It takes a couple more seconds, and apparently it finally sinks in that hey, this woman doesn't seem interested, and he finally fucks off.

In the past, these encounters have left me feeling really anxious and self-conscious, completely tanking my workout and often, the rest of my day. To be clear, it maybe happens 1 out of 10 times. Not every day and, every now and then, I have a really nice interaction with a human at the gym...but the pick up nonsense is too often when a girl is just trying to live her short, mortal life. In the past, I've doubted my instincts, hesitated, panicked and then resorted to "I'm married" as a quick way of getting rid of them. The "I'm married" type approach probably works for some people, but shit makes me feel so small. Like I'm using my SO as a shield or like "Oh, I'd give you a shot if I wasn't unfortunately taken". It's just not like me. I'd get that weird dissociating feeling, like my body and myself are two separate things all of a sudden and I'm embarrassed having to live in it. Just icky and disruptive. All because some moron can only think with his dick and has no respect for my space or my time.

A couple weeks ago

I needed a plan for deflecting these bozos quickly. My number one goal is to get back to my own plans as quickly as possible. Number two goal is, if I feel safe, to remind this idiot that I'm an entire person and not an object. "I'm married" or "I'm taken" is a no-go. "I'm busy" sounds like I'd talk to him when I'm less busy. "I'm not at the gym to make friends", or something along those lines, is too long and still leaves room for some gross comeback. I settled on "I am not interested", emphasis on I. It sounds like something I'd say and has a sense of finality to me. I literally practiced outloud. I'm one of those introverts who's taught herself to seem extroverted. These things are hard for me.. First few times, it came out more like "sorry, I'm not interested" or "I'm not interested, sorry". Girl.. I got it right eventually though.

So