No matter how we do things we can't keep things up as they were. SOs job is currently physically and mentally draining him, and he is not payed enough to cover his needs and reflect the actual responsability his has at work for training all the new ones, stepping in once something happens etc. (because part of the pay is accomodation in a dorm which he doesn't really use anymore since we live together). He needs to get another - and I hope more wellpayed - job. There is no doubht he is quiting the job, he is just not sure what to do. He got a local job offer, it is in the next town and if so that wil be from next season. I really need to be starting to pay off my debts more, and to spend more time and money doing things with my husband and with our friends. I am thinking about writing more for my project too, but I can't do that much when I am with him as I need plenty of books/material around me to do most of that job. The reading works very well when I am with him but I think the majority of the actual writing has to be done in the flat in my home country. I plan to suggest to my boss that I get a week off to travel just every two months, I think she will like that. But I hate to bring it to SO that I will see him less, unless he moves to my country that is.
I was thinking that SO could come live with us/live in my city with a job offer in my country. That option is still up- as long as they need people, because he is qualified- but I am a little worried what that might do to SO to move to a country where he has only been once for a month. I am also worried because none of us has much money for his start up, and wouldn't we also need money to travel to Turkey sometimes still? Perhaps it would be better if he came for just a visit, like a month, and then started working in a better job in his own country for a while, so that he could pay off debt, save up some money or at least I did not have to pay so much for him. I just don't have the money anymore... And I want children eventually. That can't happen in any peaceful way if I sink into debt or are simply just scaping by most months. My husband has also told me that the money I use put strains on him/our relationship and I can't let that happen. I knew I probably could not keep this up forever but I am a little sad that I might have to change things now. I know my boyfriend wants to contribute more finanacially but he took up a military loan to avoid military so he pays for that every month now. I think all of the family is very much into "Where does the future lead us"-mode. It is exiting one day and draining the next. SO sometimes surprises me by learning the odd Norwegian word, which I appreciate considering how much he works. I dont want to jump the gun and assume he will be moving to me, though. Everything is really just up in the air.
I don't want to stop going to Turkey either... It would just be so lovely to go there with him, and him not working.
We have 3 kittens... They are our cat's children but of course the cat doesn't care, he likes their mum though.... They are adorable and we feed them (yes I am working on getting SO to neuter the cat but SO is worried about the expense, and taking official responsability for the cat I guess). And SO says he wants to feed an adorable dog that hangs around the restaurant. He is such an animal lover, which I love about him. We will have a whole zoo. Which is lovely...and still we can't possably move all those animals to Norway (or even the nearby city should we move there).
I wish it was fall already. Because we can't have those discussions now. He is just focused on working, which he does very well. I am happy if we get time in the evenings for making some food and drinks. I know he can't answer my questions. But already in September we should start to prepare his visa application, if he should be able to come to my country even just for a visit.
We need to have those talks. I crave those talks. But I know I will keep up the monthly travels at least to November, and I try to enjoy just being here - altough it is strange how familiar things seem now, how less exotic everything is to me - enjoy our orange trees, our lemon trees, the crickets and the birds and the ocean. Enjoy the warmth - Norway is quite cold now, wheras here is 45 C in the shade - the sun bringing me vitamines. I travel a lot on bike, to go places and go shopping for groceries, and I swim every day. I have done a little yoga and hope to do more. I am back on full meds because my new doctor gave me a bad advice to cut half of them, and of course I have much more pain but at least I understand now and just got right back on (seriously, sometimes I feel like my own doctor and that the doctors just play house). I swear I felt happier and more vibrant in just two days! I am happy about the span and massage that I got, and about 2 weeks family time with my husband and him (although it was strange because my husband was so obviously on vacation, wheras I am the housewife/student and SO is working. But it was fun going on aboat trip and on a scooter with my husband! My husband also treated himself to a lot of watersports, which I hate but he loves so he was happy about that, and very outgoing using the phraze book that I bought to talk to everyone), and our lovely cat which loves cuddles so much it will cry like a baby if he doesn't get it every day.
Ramazan Bayram was here (Eid) and everyone was happy, there were fireworks and balloons, everyone out eating and shopping for clothes, I gave the boys at work tips as a Bayram treat and SO bought a pacifyer to his colleage as a joke (since the holiday is much about the kids and there are no kids since most are at least a day travel away from their families). The tree of us went out to eat on my husband's last day here, and the lam coutlets are so delicious, I call them "meat candy". We also went to our favourite fish restaurant again, it is really a fish store with some tables and their food is amazingly fresh. The janitor , who lives in a small house near our building, brought his family over for the three days and they looked as they were enjoying themselves sitting outside. The more I stay here, the more prudish and perhaps Turkish I get, like "that's not the right way to do it here", "why would anyone want to eat bacon", "why are some toourists wearing so little clothes", I adopt the mentality I guess. I even bought clothes I hope his mum will approve of....I feel so bad for his mum, that I did not get to see her or give her gifts or anything. Perhaps when I and SO go there in December or so we can get her something new for the kitchen. Otherwise I have actually been studying and I believe by the time I leave I will have read most of the books I brought with me. I hope to make some notes too as I want to start writing an article - it is kind of weird planning an article on human agression in the midst of all this summer bliss!
Some Turkish tourists are visiting the restaurant at the moment, I found it fun to watch them and they are totally scarcely clothed and loud behaviour and of course from the capital city - I bet they find this small town tourist resort every bit as corny as I did the first time and they sport the I don't care because I am on holiday-mode as many people from my country do when coming here....exept they know the lyrics of the songs, so they were singing along loudly at the Monday party. And I envied them because I can't sing along to that many songs, I mean I know the melodies but not all the words. I do know so much Turkish myself now that it gets annoying listening to radio commercials...it used to be very exotic like bla bla bla music in my ears, but now all I hair is stuff like "Come and buy! We have a great shopping offer for you!" Very boring, hahaha
They never warm you though, about all the boring stuff you will be able to understand in a foreign language and how it is just as annoying is in your mother tounge! I can't wait until I pass another level so that I can actually start to understand - and say - some interesting things, not just say greetings, buy vegetables and tell if I want my coffee black or not. I feel very familiar with the TONE of the language though, it used to be a bit challenging to listening to Turkish because I kind of never understood where one sentence stopped and another begun (because compared to English or Norwegian, Turkish pronouciation is very polite, and a bit bland, to get that "happy tune" going in the sound), now I get it , so it is never hard to listen to spoken Turkish anymore (although I find that when I read Turkish I have to say the words out loud to get the flow in a longer text). I am really looking forward to learn more Turkish although it is also frustrating (especially some of the grammar), but we have a great class and teacher so I am positive that I will continue to learn more. My husband also plan to start Turkish this fall. So the family is very much into language now. 
What I really miss now, is to have more of a social life. Everyone SO knows, work very hard. We might be able to squeese in a dinner or drink with someone. I plan to clean the appartment in case we should be able to have people over. We hardly ever have people over when I visit, and I miss that. Our place is old fashioned but functional and spacious, so there is no reason why we can't have people here, if they don't feel too tired. There are some other long distance couples around and SO said we might hang with them soon. I really wish we can! If would take my mind off thoughts about the future, and make me feel less lonely when I mostly just study and wait for him to finish his job.
