I don't know why this is bothering me and I don't know if this blog will make much sense. I could use some insight, though... sooo

My boyfriend and I have been together since about December 2009, so almost three and a half years now. At first we had loose plans to get married in January 2014. But because of different things, it turned out too early and bad timing. I'll be writing my MA thesis and my boyfriend will be in the first semester of his Master's degree. So we decided on Jan 2015. I thought that was the plan. My boyfriend once mentioned that he thinks that 1,5 years is a good time to be engaged, so I thought that it'd happen later this year.
A wedding is not terribly important to me. I would like to have the party and the legal contract, but if we never got married, it wouldn't bother me a whole lot either. I always thought that it was more important for him, especially the religious part, that I could care less about.
We talked about it around New Year's (the disasterous visit *sigh*) and he said that he thinks 2015 is too early as well and he'd like to get married in 2016.
I don't even know why that is a problem for me. I don't know if it's because I'm a year older than him or because I've been independent for longer or in fact: am independent. My boyfriend makes 25€/month right now and lives off his mum's money. But that's another story.
Maybe part of the problem is that he keeps postponing and ... how do I know that next year, he won't be like "ok, maybe 2017" and then the year after "2018" etc. I want to have at least one child before 30 and I'll be 30 in 5 years. Now I could have the kid without getting married. I was born out of wedlock (although my parents married later on) and I turned out fine. But I know my boyfriend doesn't.
I don't really want to get married when we already have everything figured out. I feel like *if* I get married, I want to do it, while I'm young and on the step into adulthood. I don't see the point (for myself!) in getting married 10 years into the relationship. Unless for practical reasons.
I warned you, I probably wasnt going to make a lot of sense today.
What it boils down to is, if we are to have a religious ceremony and party wedding, I want to have it soon. If I'm supposed to wait until 2016 or whenever the Mr. thinks he's ready, I would still get married, but without the religion and party part.

So anyway, I told him that if he's going to ask me to marry him any later than this year, I'd say no. He said that was blackmailing. I said, it's the truth and that I just let him know where I stand.