During my last visit, my SO and I talked briefly about our future together. Neither of us are huge planners, and we don't know where life will take us in 5 years. My SO did tell me that he sees a long-term future for us, however, and I agreed. How we will get there...I have no freakin' idea. It's still on our list of things to figure out
Although we agreed on many issues during this chat, there was one topic that we disagreed on, which worries me a bit. Children.
I do not want children. I will never want children. It's not that I hate them, I just don't want any of my own. I am a very career-oriented person, and I like it that way. I have really big dreams for my future, and I feel that children would just get in the way of my dreams. Not to mention, the thought of someone being completely dependent on me for everything freaks me out.
I feel that I have no maternal instincts whatsoever, and that often makes me feel like the black sheep amongst my friends. I'd say that 90% of my friends are baby-obsessed. They love going to baby clothing stores like Babies R' Us and look at baby clothes, which confuses me, as none of them are even pregnant or wanting to get pregnant any time soon. Many of them also tell me that the main reason they are going to college is so they can get a great job and give their future children anything their hearts desire. They are not getting a degree for themselves, but for their future children. While I think it's noble that they want to provide a good life for their children, I feel like they have no goals for themselves. I try to understand where they are coming from, but it's hard for me because I feel so different. I am in no way trying to bash any moms out there, or stay-at-home moms, by the way. I think they have the hardest job in the world, and I have nothing but respect for them.
Anyways, onto the issue with my SO. He disagrees with me on children. He says that he really wants children within the next 5-10 years. Not anytime soon, but he definitely wants at least 2 children. He says that he's terrified of the thought of being an old man with no children, all alone. I think it really is a deal breaker for him
I did tell him why I am hesitant about children, but he replied that it's totally doable for a woman to have a successful career and children. I agree with him, but it still doesn't change my mind.
I know that nothing is set in stone for our future, and I try not to worry about it, because worrying does no good. I'm just afraid that one day, if we're still together and want to close the distance and get married, the topic of children will break us. I don't know what the future brings, but I do know that I love my SO a lot, and he makes me really happy. It breaks my heart to think this could end everything
TL;DR: I don't want children. My SO does. I'm worried this could ruin our relationship.
Anyways, sorry this was so long and boring. Thanks for reading.
Sometimes people know, regardless of age, that they realllllly don't want children. I first articulated that I didn't want children at age six. Twenty-four years later, there's been no sign of that changing. I don't mean to sound a little thorny with this reply, but a lot of Childfree people get the "you'll change your mind when you're older" response rather dismissively on a regular basis. I understand you're coming from a kind place, but I just thought I'd mention this.
@Kiyama- I definitely understand what you mean. I know a few women who said they didn't want children when they were my age, only to change their minds 5 or 10 years down the road. To be honest though, I've never even felt like I have a biological clock. Like Trethsparr, I've just known that I've never wanted children for a long time. The thought of it fills me with dread and terror :/
I do appreciate your kind words, though
@Hollandia- You are right. I cannot put off talking about it any further. If things do get more serious with my SO, we will need a concrete decision about children before we close the distance. Putting it off until then would just be a temporary fix to a permanent problem :/
I wanted to bring it up today, but when I woke up, I had a text from my SO that said he loves me and is so lucky to have me as his girlfriend. Ugh, it's just so hard to talk about it
I will do it this weekend most likely, but it will be hard. I don't want to put us in a bad place