Days until he visits: ???
Days until I move back to where he is (and start my senior year of college?!?): 79 days

Last night was my first skype date with Drew since I moved back to California. After the usual casual talk and laugh and jokes, the conversation took a turn to the topic of the evening, which was what happened a few nights ago with his ex fiancee Morgan. "I knew I had to tell you as soon as possible" Drew said, slightly unsure, "But it's also best to discuss it face to face, isn't it?"

I couldn't agree more.

"Morgan was there with her group. We sort of run in the same circle, so a lot of her friends are friends with my friends." Drew preluded the story with. "She was completely unavoidable. I talked to her once, and remained civil. She said some inflammatory stuff trying to get a rise out of me, but I didn't fall for the bait, and left before she could get any ideas."
Any ideas?, I thought. Guess that'll be explained later.

I shift on my bed some, moving my laptop closer. "Is that when she got a hold of Steph?" Drew's friend and roommate I know from our previous discussion of the topic had stood up for me against Morgan.

"Yeah, Morgan apparently then asked Steph about you, to which she replied 'She's nice and I enjoy having her around."

I smiled slightly. I couldn't be more happy myself that the group liked having me around, and hearing the compliment a second time still my my heart leap.

Drew continued. "Her friend Andrew was part of the group. I didn't like Andrew before because, Well, he was an Ex, and I didn't like having that around..." he trailed off as I offered him a knowing look. "But, he was actually really cool. Glad I got to actually know him."

"I'm glad you got to know him. I can understand why you didn't like having him around the first time." I chuckled a bit at my words. Relationships a silly things, aren't they?

"In any case, he talked a lot to Steve that night."

"Oh?" Steve was one of Drew's best friends from our College. The two of them have their back in every situation, so I wondered at Steve's angle, if he had one, that is.

"Yeah, Andrew was pretty drunk at this point, so he was spilling dirt."

Dirt?! "Okay, now you've got me, what was the dirt?" I leaned forward towards my laptop, as if being closer to my speakers would somehow make the information come to me faster.

"Oh," Drew said nonchalantly, "just that Morgan was talking about you."

I sputtered out a few syllables as I tried to string together a coherent sentence from the millions of thoughts shooting off like firecrackers in my head. It's one thing to understand that of course an Ex was going to be curious about you and maybe talk about you some, but to actually be hearing what she has been saying? To say the least, I feared the next sentences like one fears watching a train crash. Curious to see what happens, but scared enough to flich and shrug away from the ensuing collision.

"She's- she's talking about me?" I finally get out. "What did she say?"

Drew took on an air of mockery. "I don't know what he sees in her. Blah Blah Blah." My heart sank a little at the insult, and I had a feeling that this was a clean version what was actually being said.

"She doesn't even know me!" I had flashbacks to a girl who swore that I was a psychotic christian because of the cross I wore across my neck (which is more of a lucky charm than anything).

"There was probably a great deal of facebook stalking involved" Drew added.

"I have my Facebook on the most private settings possible! She wouldn't have much to go on."

"From what Steve was telling me, both Andrew and him had decided that she was trying to make a move on me last night."

The firecrackers of thoughts that consumed my brain now turned into a full on nuclear explosion in my cranium. Of course, most of this was to be expected. They had been dating for so long, and were going to get married! Of course she would have some animosity towards me, and of course she would strive to, no matter how unhealthy the relationship was, to reconnect with Drew.
I just didn't expect it to be so... so... violent? No. Wrong word. What word?
As my brain froze trying to find the correct word, Drew went on.

"I didn't believe Steve, but I avoided her the rest of the night. You know, if you don't give them an inch... they don't have anything to grab onto." He gave an unsure shrug and shook his head.

What word? What's the word?! What do I say? I sighed. My thoughts landed on my blog and the post I had made just the night before. If I was going find a perfect cue for me to discuss my thoughts, this was it. So I opened up.

"She intimidates me. She's this shadow from your past." Drew tilted his head sideways, taking ever so slightly the air of a confused puppy.
"When I had the chance to meet her a MegaCon, I was scared shitless." I took a pause to breathe. Before I could continue, Drew came in.
"That was never going to happen. She's scared of you. Not you" he corrected (I'm about as scary as a kitten), "the idea of you."

"I can't find the word I would use to describe how I feel about her. I gave it a great deal of thought last night. Have you ever thought about something right before you go to bed and you think 'oh that's important, I better remember that in the morning'?" he nodded slightly. "Well, that's what I'm trying to do right now."
What Word What Word What Word What Word. Jealous? No. Angry? No.
I paused.
"I am envious." I started, unsure. "I'm envious of all the time she got to spend with you that I can't have. And I'm sad. Sad that she hurt you, because you deserve all the happiness in the world." I barely manage to articulate the sentence, the words practically being pulled from my mouth like a rotten tooth. But one always feels better after it's gone, right?

After the obligatory "you sweet thing" (which he says almost every single time I make him blush), Drew looked at me with eyes as big as saucers and a shy half grin and said "You make me happy."
I couldn't help but blush at the thought. He continued, "And you don't have to worry about her having spent more time with me. Because I know I'm going to have a lot more time with you."
"Really, now?"
"Yes, really."
"Well, I'm glad, because I want to spend as much time as I can with you."
He took a small pause, shook his head slightly, and finally murmured "You are everything I could ever want or need."
Drew looked down to something off camera. He quickly raised a hand to his face and touched his cheek. His fingers swept up to his eyes. It took me a moment to realize through the pixilated view of his face that he was crying.
"Yeah, that happened" he chuckled softly as he grabbed a tissue.

"Drew..." my voice trailed off, wishing I could give him the hug I wanted to and to wipe the couple of tears that now streak his face. "I love you."
He inhaled, almost as if he breathed in the sound waves of my voice and let them settle in his lungs. "I love you too."