OK... so he is out tonight and im still not over the dream where he was gone... so time to lament over him....
so we first knew each other when i was in year 7 (thats... 11 or 12) and he was in year 9. and oh my goodness was he a pain in the arse. the first time i knew him i thought "wow how could anyone stand him"... i made friends with these 2 girls and whenever he was mean to one of us, we formed a group. heh.
and then... after the hormones kicked in....
feb 22nd, when i was in year 9, he in year 11, i had a crush. official crush. (heh im abit OCDish and like official dates.)
and... some reason i thought he did too.
so... i got his number... heh.
he said a few months back, that if i had not got his number around the march time, he would have never had the courage to ask me out. :3
so we were texting.. a 14 and a 16 year old just texting. and then... i texted "so do you want to go to the cinema maybe? i would like to get to know you more... as friends"
i put the "as friends" because i didnt know how he felt. but he said "ok, when?"
the first date... didnt go as planned. as in the first date we set. we left it abit late, and our saturday date was cancelled on friday night... and so i went to the movies with my ex instead.
i flirted SO much. i completely regret it. i put on makeup, put on these magnetic earrings (god they were so popular in those times...) and put ALOT of chapstick on and kept saying about how ive put chapstick on. strawberry flavour.
but, as you would imagine, nothing happened. i ended up frustrated and upset and alone. but there he was, texting again. he said sorry about having to cancel last minute, would i like to have another date?
so i said yes.
we were going to actually watch harry potter 6 together (that long ago!!)... that was in june/july... so he said "i might be on holiday then"... no text for 5 minutes... thoughts rushing round... then another text...
"how about sooner?"
immediately went out of the house onto my bike. rode quite fast. needed to burn the excited energy!!!!!!!!!!
JUNE 6TH, 2009, to watch 12 rounds.
the date started off with soooooo much flirting. unbelievable amounts. there was in starbucks, when there was a silent moment, i was thinking "oh god oh god..." and then he said "im not very good at starting conversations" very sheepishly... thoughts turned to "OH GOD OH GOD!! "
then we went to the bowling alley... there was a dance thingy... i said "for me?" and he walked right there and danced.
we then got into the movie theatre... row J....
and about halfway through the movie, sparks started to fly.
now at this point, after being a lil embarrased, i put my jacket off. when the sparks started to fly, i was very very cold. but i didnt wwant to move otherwise he would get the wrong impression.
so first the arm... slowly touched mine.... and then his hand was by mine... and then fingers... stroking mine....
AND THEN HOLDING HANDS.
I WAS FREEZING.
heh. so i kind of had to let go after 2 mins or so.. was too cold... when i let go i looked at him and he had this really worried look about him, as if he was like "oh no have i gone too far ahh".. so i quickly said "im just putting my jacket on" and then we got back to it haha.
a week later... our first kiss.
see... i know everyone is like "first kisses are romantic" blah blah blah... but ours... eh... needed abit of practice....
so i was abit upset because there was this girl on facebook the night before saying bad things about me and my friends and also the SO. when i told the SO about this, he put his arm around me. and then kissed my cheek... then closer n closer... so i was freaking out. those thoughts like "how do you kiss?!?!?!" were but one of many. so i turned politely to the SO to tell him that "sorry, we will have to stop there, i dont know how to kiss".... well i turned... but he kissed me
this is where the practice thing came in...
it was a lil sloppy... heh... abit awkward but i didnt care
and thats our 14 year old and 16 year old selves.
and now im 17, he is 19.
he is at university, i am doing a levels.
we have gone through a death. we have gone through results days. we have gone through some really biatchy people being pains in the neck. we have gone through suicidal thoughts etc.. (wont go into that.) and we have gone through bullying.
its been hard, cant deny that, but its worked.
we have our fights... a hell of alot... we have had break ups (that have lasted maximum of 2 days... the 2 day one was a serious one...), but we always end up together... always.
you probably are thinking now, if youve read to here, "oh my goodness how long is this?!?!"
but i wanted to finish on how the death was. on both of us.
so we were abit rocky again... february time... abit of arguing, but jst tiffs really. and then i finally let myself go to him. i let him touch... (adults know what that means...). and then it all went wrong.
his mum started yelling from the door. the SO sprung up, got changed, and found him.
he had a heart attack. well, it was a blood clot in the heart.
i dont want to go into that yet. its still raw.
the first week... was hell. for both of us. but we saw each other every single day. i stayed with him as much as i could, letting him lay on the bed upset, letting him be angry, letting him be abit violent when intimate... his feelings were everywhere. so were mine, but i didnt care.
then, after a month, he was OK. (he talked to me about this a week ago, and he said he was expecting what happened, so he was able to cope better). but i went crazy. now he was OK, or he said he was, i was able to realise how hurt i was. and i expressed that in a way i shouldnt have done...
and he helped so much. he let me cry into him, he was the only one i talked about the scars to (also the counsellor) ... and he was the only one who understood.
about 8 months or so down the line, and it was like everything was better.
then feb the 5th this year, the anniversary, it was abit hell again. and for once i talked to him face to face about how i felt (usually i text it).
and he was so reassuring. (it was mainly guilt i felt)
and now with his help im better... of course im sad, of course there are hallucination sometimes of his dad, of course i wish it couldve been different.
but we have gone through this together.
if we can go through a death and all of this, why not a long distance relationship.
bring it on.
so we first knew each other when i was in year 7 (thats... 11 or 12) and he was in year 9. and oh my goodness was he a pain in the arse. the first time i knew him i thought "wow how could anyone stand him"... i made friends with these 2 girls and whenever he was mean to one of us, we formed a group. heh.
and then... after the hormones kicked in....
feb 22nd, when i was in year 9, he in year 11, i had a crush. official crush. (heh im abit OCDish and like official dates.)
and... some reason i thought he did too.
so... i got his number... heh.
he said a few months back, that if i had not got his number around the march time, he would have never had the courage to ask me out. :3
so we were texting.. a 14 and a 16 year old just texting. and then... i texted "so do you want to go to the cinema maybe? i would like to get to know you more... as friends"
i put the "as friends" because i didnt know how he felt. but he said "ok, when?"
the first date... didnt go as planned. as in the first date we set. we left it abit late, and our saturday date was cancelled on friday night... and so i went to the movies with my ex instead.
i flirted SO much. i completely regret it. i put on makeup, put on these magnetic earrings (god they were so popular in those times...) and put ALOT of chapstick on and kept saying about how ive put chapstick on. strawberry flavour.
but, as you would imagine, nothing happened. i ended up frustrated and upset and alone. but there he was, texting again. he said sorry about having to cancel last minute, would i like to have another date?
so i said yes.
we were going to actually watch harry potter 6 together (that long ago!!)... that was in june/july... so he said "i might be on holiday then"... no text for 5 minutes... thoughts rushing round... then another text...
"how about sooner?"
immediately went out of the house onto my bike. rode quite fast. needed to burn the excited energy!!!!!!!!!!
JUNE 6TH, 2009, to watch 12 rounds.
the date started off with soooooo much flirting. unbelievable amounts. there was in starbucks, when there was a silent moment, i was thinking "oh god oh god..." and then he said "im not very good at starting conversations" very sheepishly... thoughts turned to "OH GOD OH GOD!!
"then we went to the bowling alley... there was a dance thingy... i said "for me?" and he walked right there and danced.
we then got into the movie theatre... row J....
and about halfway through the movie, sparks started to fly.
now at this point, after being a lil embarrased, i put my jacket off. when the sparks started to fly, i was very very cold. but i didnt wwant to move otherwise he would get the wrong impression.
so first the arm... slowly touched mine.... and then his hand was by mine... and then fingers... stroking mine....
AND THEN HOLDING HANDS.
I WAS FREEZING.
heh. so i kind of had to let go after 2 mins or so.. was too cold... when i let go i looked at him and he had this really worried look about him, as if he was like "oh no have i gone too far ahh".. so i quickly said "im just putting my jacket on" and then we got back to it haha.
a week later... our first kiss.
see... i know everyone is like "first kisses are romantic" blah blah blah... but ours... eh... needed abit of practice....
so i was abit upset because there was this girl on facebook the night before saying bad things about me and my friends and also the SO. when i told the SO about this, he put his arm around me. and then kissed my cheek... then closer n closer... so i was freaking out. those thoughts like "how do you kiss?!?!?!" were but one of many. so i turned politely to the SO to tell him that "sorry, we will have to stop there, i dont know how to kiss".... well i turned... but he kissed me
this is where the practice thing came in...
it was a lil sloppy... heh... abit awkward but i didnt care
and thats our 14 year old and 16 year old selves.
and now im 17, he is 19.
he is at university, i am doing a levels.
we have gone through a death. we have gone through results days. we have gone through some really biatchy people being pains in the neck. we have gone through suicidal thoughts etc.. (wont go into that.) and we have gone through bullying.
its been hard, cant deny that, but its worked.
we have our fights... a hell of alot... we have had break ups (that have lasted maximum of 2 days... the 2 day one was a serious one...), but we always end up together... always.
you probably are thinking now, if youve read to here, "oh my goodness how long is this?!?!"
but i wanted to finish on how the death was. on both of us.
so we were abit rocky again... february time... abit of arguing, but jst tiffs really. and then i finally let myself go to him. i let him touch... (adults know what that means...). and then it all went wrong.
his mum started yelling from the door. the SO sprung up, got changed, and found him.
he had a heart attack. well, it was a blood clot in the heart.
i dont want to go into that yet. its still raw.
the first week... was hell. for both of us. but we saw each other every single day. i stayed with him as much as i could, letting him lay on the bed upset, letting him be angry, letting him be abit violent when intimate... his feelings were everywhere. so were mine, but i didnt care.
then, after a month, he was OK. (he talked to me about this a week ago, and he said he was expecting what happened, so he was able to cope better). but i went crazy. now he was OK, or he said he was, i was able to realise how hurt i was. and i expressed that in a way i shouldnt have done...
and he helped so much. he let me cry into him, he was the only one i talked about the scars to (also the counsellor) ... and he was the only one who understood.
about 8 months or so down the line, and it was like everything was better.
then feb the 5th this year, the anniversary, it was abit hell again. and for once i talked to him face to face about how i felt (usually i text it).
and he was so reassuring. (it was mainly guilt i felt)
and now with his help im better... of course im sad, of course there are hallucination sometimes of his dad, of course i wish it couldve been different.
but we have gone through this together.
if we can go through a death and all of this, why not a long distance relationship.
bring it on.
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