Oh God... where to start... this is complicated. so very very complicated! But it would be best to pick up when I last left you guys.
I have been a LFAD member since mid 2009. The old forum and chat were still in order before Michelle and Frank installed this convenient forum, which makes things a lot easier and comfortable. Back then I dated Jess. At some point we were engaged and had a wedding planned until she decided to leave me at the altar in the beginning of 2009. We talked things out and got back together with a brand new and fresh start in mind. In September of 2009, I had to leave the US and went back to Germany only with a temporary LDR in mind. 6 months the most since she wanted to finish her studies with me in Germany. On New Years Eve, she broke up with me by email. Much pain was suffered, many hopes were kept up and destroyed again. At that point I decided to leave LFAD behind because I couldn't deal with all the happy couples. On top of that, I was diagnosed with a tumor, which was considered benign. At least in the beginning... Things turned bad, so yeah... I had to deal with that as well.
So, meet Helen. Helen was my best friend when I still lived in Michigan, so she helped me through my problems. She couldn't be here with me in Germany, but that didn't matter. We spent night after night on the phone or skype and listened to me no matter how often I started over telling her the same stuff again. She was in a more or less shitty relationship as well. As much of a mess I was, I was still there for her as well. Listening to her problems. Neither of us realized what we figured out almost two and a half years later. But more about that later. After two months of talking on the phone and working through problems, things got worse. I found out that Jess started seeing my old roommate which threw me totally overboard. Did she already see him while we were still together? Was it something serious? Questions I couldn't find answers for. I didn't even want to find out for sure. As a result, I collapsed at work with a nervous breakdown. Since Helen was friends with Jess as well, she wanted to spare me the news. I found out anyways. Helen was there for me even though she still dealt with her relationship.
From that point I was not able to develop feelings for anybody in any kind of way. At the same time, I tried to kick off my career, but wasn't sure what to do. I have a degree and thought that I have to find a job in my major, but then I watched a documentary on TV. For the first time in my life, I was totally sure about how my life had to look like: NO Family at all, but travelling the world. In June 2010, I started applying for jobs on cruise ships! After almost a year, in April 2011, my 30th birthday came around. And even though I didn't want to, friends of mine pretty much forced me into a relationship that I wasn't ready for. 3 months later I broke up with her. We are better friends than ever before. So, at least I didn't ruin and waste a friendship.
September 2011, Helen and I were still talking regularly. Still haven't found a job that I really liked - don't get me wrong, I wasn't unemployed at all, just didn't find something that makes me happy - I decided to go for one last job application round with the cruise lines. And it worked! Breaking up with my unhappy relationship was the best thing I could have done and gave me the perfect motivation. From the moment my new employer (sorry, can't tell who it is) hired me, I became a brand new person. Even though I had to wait until April 2012 until I would start working on the ship, I had one thing in mind: "My ship starts their itineraries from Florida and I am about to make a shit load of money. How can I use that to my advantage" I couldn't find a solution for that thought until I got on the ship in April. Somewhere in the Caribbean, I was on the phone with Helen again. I don't know what came over me, but I spontaneously invited her for a week vacation at Disney World. She immediately said yes. That's when I got really nervous. At the beginning I couldn't believe that I will actually see her again. It has been exactly 3 years since I saw her the last time.
So, this was the plan: Getting off the ship on the Saturday morning, run to the airport, pick up Helen, and check in to our hotel. I waited at the tram exit at Orlando International airport. When she finally showed up, she took my breath away. I finally realized that there are more feelings for her in my heart than I was willing to admit. So, what to do? Am I willing to risk a friendship that lastet already almost 8 years or am I going to go all in? I decided to hold back and see what the week brings... We had a lot of fun during the week, but we both felt the tension. On our last night together, we had a couple drinks too many and played a round of "Truth or Dare", supported by an app on my iPad. After we were dared to kiss, we finally gave in. All the tension was gone. We didn't go to sleep the last night. We discovered that we both had feelings for each other for a very long time... years! We both manipulated our minds in ignoring the signals, but the feelings are so strong. When I dropped her off at the airport, we both said we can make this work. Since we had feelings for each other for so long, we could last another cruise ship contract of 5 months plus my immediate 6 weeks of vacation time before the next contract starts until we see each other again. This will be our "probation" period to see if we can actually make it. Our week at Disney World was just magical and special. It made a "Dream come True".
This is my story... if my way of telling our journey was too confusing, I apologize.
I have been a LFAD member since mid 2009. The old forum and chat were still in order before Michelle and Frank installed this convenient forum, which makes things a lot easier and comfortable. Back then I dated Jess. At some point we were engaged and had a wedding planned until she decided to leave me at the altar in the beginning of 2009. We talked things out and got back together with a brand new and fresh start in mind. In September of 2009, I had to leave the US and went back to Germany only with a temporary LDR in mind. 6 months the most since she wanted to finish her studies with me in Germany. On New Years Eve, she broke up with me by email. Much pain was suffered, many hopes were kept up and destroyed again. At that point I decided to leave LFAD behind because I couldn't deal with all the happy couples. On top of that, I was diagnosed with a tumor, which was considered benign. At least in the beginning... Things turned bad, so yeah... I had to deal with that as well.
So, meet Helen. Helen was my best friend when I still lived in Michigan, so she helped me through my problems. She couldn't be here with me in Germany, but that didn't matter. We spent night after night on the phone or skype and listened to me no matter how often I started over telling her the same stuff again. She was in a more or less shitty relationship as well. As much of a mess I was, I was still there for her as well. Listening to her problems. Neither of us realized what we figured out almost two and a half years later. But more about that later. After two months of talking on the phone and working through problems, things got worse. I found out that Jess started seeing my old roommate which threw me totally overboard. Did she already see him while we were still together? Was it something serious? Questions I couldn't find answers for. I didn't even want to find out for sure. As a result, I collapsed at work with a nervous breakdown. Since Helen was friends with Jess as well, she wanted to spare me the news. I found out anyways. Helen was there for me even though she still dealt with her relationship.
From that point I was not able to develop feelings for anybody in any kind of way. At the same time, I tried to kick off my career, but wasn't sure what to do. I have a degree and thought that I have to find a job in my major, but then I watched a documentary on TV. For the first time in my life, I was totally sure about how my life had to look like: NO Family at all, but travelling the world. In June 2010, I started applying for jobs on cruise ships! After almost a year, in April 2011, my 30th birthday came around. And even though I didn't want to, friends of mine pretty much forced me into a relationship that I wasn't ready for. 3 months later I broke up with her. We are better friends than ever before. So, at least I didn't ruin and waste a friendship.
September 2011, Helen and I were still talking regularly. Still haven't found a job that I really liked - don't get me wrong, I wasn't unemployed at all, just didn't find something that makes me happy - I decided to go for one last job application round with the cruise lines. And it worked! Breaking up with my unhappy relationship was the best thing I could have done and gave me the perfect motivation. From the moment my new employer (sorry, can't tell who it is) hired me, I became a brand new person. Even though I had to wait until April 2012 until I would start working on the ship, I had one thing in mind: "My ship starts their itineraries from Florida and I am about to make a shit load of money. How can I use that to my advantage" I couldn't find a solution for that thought until I got on the ship in April. Somewhere in the Caribbean, I was on the phone with Helen again. I don't know what came over me, but I spontaneously invited her for a week vacation at Disney World. She immediately said yes. That's when I got really nervous. At the beginning I couldn't believe that I will actually see her again. It has been exactly 3 years since I saw her the last time.
So, this was the plan: Getting off the ship on the Saturday morning, run to the airport, pick up Helen, and check in to our hotel. I waited at the tram exit at Orlando International airport. When she finally showed up, she took my breath away. I finally realized that there are more feelings for her in my heart than I was willing to admit. So, what to do? Am I willing to risk a friendship that lastet already almost 8 years or am I going to go all in? I decided to hold back and see what the week brings... We had a lot of fun during the week, but we both felt the tension. On our last night together, we had a couple drinks too many and played a round of "Truth or Dare", supported by an app on my iPad. After we were dared to kiss, we finally gave in. All the tension was gone. We didn't go to sleep the last night. We discovered that we both had feelings for each other for a very long time... years! We both manipulated our minds in ignoring the signals, but the feelings are so strong. When I dropped her off at the airport, we both said we can make this work. Since we had feelings for each other for so long, we could last another cruise ship contract of 5 months plus my immediate 6 weeks of vacation time before the next contract starts until we see each other again. This will be our "probation" period to see if we can actually make it. Our week at Disney World was just magical and special. It made a "Dream come True".
This is my story... if my way of telling our journey was too confusing, I apologize.
very funny how people sensed your connection years before you admitted to it. Your story is very sweet. I hope this new begining will be that of a wonderful adventure hand in hand! 
).
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