Okay, so my SO and I met back in early 2010 on a deviantart chat (we both have deviantart account since we're artists). We were in a group chat, talking to everyone when he asks if he could draw my OC (original character) to which I replied "of course". Days after he got it done for me and I loved the drawing a lot with the promise that I would draw his original character in the future as well. There were some Role-playings between our characters and then I saw how our characters would look nice together and told him about it. We agreed on making them as a couple and around the same time we started talking through MSN.
From then on we talked a lot on MSN. Sam was a little awkward at first since he's shy and he wasn't easy to talk to, not to mention his English wasn't very good. Yet we talked quite frequently and he kept spoiling me with drawings for me. At some point I realized he had a crush on me but I ignored it and pretended it wasn't there since I didn't want to ruin our friendship. However, months later he confessed how he felt towards me... I felt terrible but I had to refuse him. I didn't feel the same way towards him and I didn't want to start a LDR as my last one had turned into a disaster. I clearly told him I wasn't interested in a LDR and that it wasn't possible between us. After that moment things got more awkward and I would avoid talking to him. Surprisingly though, we never really stopped talking and after a while things went back to how they were, even though I knew he still had a crush on me.
A year passed. Without realizing, I kept depending on him more. He was a great listener so I voiced a lot of my problems to him and he made it feel better for me. From time to time he mentioned his crush on me and I was in a way surprised how he kept liking me for such a long time even though I made it clear that I didn't see him that way, that he was just a dear friend. In early 2011 I also met a great friend in deviantart who I got along very well and was easy to talk to, and I now know that my SO felt jealous towards him since he knew I was close to him. In mid 2011 I got a boyfriend. When I first started it, I felt that I couldn't talk about him to Sam. For some reason I felt... guilty. So I talked with my other friend about it since he knew about Sam's crush on me and I got opinions from his side too since no one in real-life knew about Sam except my mom. My relationship with my boyfriend lasted for a week and I felt terrible that I really didn't feel the same way the boy had towards me; I was the one who broke the relation. After that I felt relief and told myself I didn't want to get into another romantic relationship for a WHILE and I made use of my life as single. Be aware that I kept talking to Sam and my other close friend.
Apparently around the end of 2011 Sam talked to my other friend about how he felt towards me and how troubled he felt that he knew I wasn't interested. Yet, coming into 2012 he continued to try his best to stay as a friend. Us three frequently entered OCTs (original character tournaments) in deviantart and my other close friend as I got along even better, with us supporting each other and staying until the last minute of the deadline cheering each other on. He was also the one who encouraged me to try Skype and then to try calls. I was shy at first but that only lasted for what? Five minutes? XD We then moved on to video calls and I consider him to be one of my best friends. Sam was aware of how close we were and it didn't help him feel any better. He also created an account in Skype and we would talk there. But everything changed in June 2012. Something felt different... All this time he always came talk to me whenever I came online, he talked to me, made me feel better, and I... was slowly falling for him. But those feelings were constrained by my idea that I just DID NOT WANT a LDR. I completely lost one day however, when we were talking and we once again voiced his feelings towards me. This time however I told him "Ok, that made my heart skip a beat... in a good way". He was more than surprised but nothing more went on that day except we talked about issues of distance and travels. For the rest of the week I kept thinking about what happened and what I was getting myself into. But try as I might, I was falling for him... hard this time. And one day, 21 of June, I casually confessed to him that I had fallen for him. His reaction was priceless but I told him about my worries and that I wanted to be sure about our relationship.
We talked for much longer everyday, we did more video calls as well, I even lost hours of sleep but there was still a wall between us, a wall created by me. I was still worried. I made plans to visit him in Chile meanwhile and in September someone told me what I needed to hear. I was overly cautious in every romantic relationship, I think about the possibilities ahead, I worry, and I don't let anyone easily inside my heart. It's like I create a wall/shield to protect myself and that I needed someone who was patient and didn't try to force their way in. Sam was really patient and I was touched that his feelings for me never faded. I thought that maybe he was the one that would make me open myself. This Autumn our conversations were more lovely between us. We talked about random and daily stuff a lot but our conversations also got more intimate until I noticed that my wall had become much smaller than before. I would talk to him about everything as he would with me.
Now I can't wait to see him in Chile in March 2013! Maybe thing will be a little awkward in our first meeting, but he's the first person that I really am serious about. I will only be staying for a week and I can't stay in his house but I sure hope to make use of my time there!
From then on we talked a lot on MSN. Sam was a little awkward at first since he's shy and he wasn't easy to talk to, not to mention his English wasn't very good. Yet we talked quite frequently and he kept spoiling me with drawings for me. At some point I realized he had a crush on me but I ignored it and pretended it wasn't there since I didn't want to ruin our friendship. However, months later he confessed how he felt towards me... I felt terrible but I had to refuse him. I didn't feel the same way towards him and I didn't want to start a LDR as my last one had turned into a disaster. I clearly told him I wasn't interested in a LDR and that it wasn't possible between us. After that moment things got more awkward and I would avoid talking to him. Surprisingly though, we never really stopped talking and after a while things went back to how they were, even though I knew he still had a crush on me.
A year passed. Without realizing, I kept depending on him more. He was a great listener so I voiced a lot of my problems to him and he made it feel better for me. From time to time he mentioned his crush on me and I was in a way surprised how he kept liking me for such a long time even though I made it clear that I didn't see him that way, that he was just a dear friend. In early 2011 I also met a great friend in deviantart who I got along very well and was easy to talk to, and I now know that my SO felt jealous towards him since he knew I was close to him. In mid 2011 I got a boyfriend. When I first started it, I felt that I couldn't talk about him to Sam. For some reason I felt... guilty. So I talked with my other friend about it since he knew about Sam's crush on me and I got opinions from his side too since no one in real-life knew about Sam except my mom. My relationship with my boyfriend lasted for a week and I felt terrible that I really didn't feel the same way the boy had towards me; I was the one who broke the relation. After that I felt relief and told myself I didn't want to get into another romantic relationship for a WHILE and I made use of my life as single. Be aware that I kept talking to Sam and my other close friend.
Apparently around the end of 2011 Sam talked to my other friend about how he felt towards me and how troubled he felt that he knew I wasn't interested. Yet, coming into 2012 he continued to try his best to stay as a friend. Us three frequently entered OCTs (original character tournaments) in deviantart and my other close friend as I got along even better, with us supporting each other and staying until the last minute of the deadline cheering each other on. He was also the one who encouraged me to try Skype and then to try calls. I was shy at first but that only lasted for what? Five minutes? XD We then moved on to video calls and I consider him to be one of my best friends. Sam was aware of how close we were and it didn't help him feel any better. He also created an account in Skype and we would talk there. But everything changed in June 2012. Something felt different... All this time he always came talk to me whenever I came online, he talked to me, made me feel better, and I... was slowly falling for him. But those feelings were constrained by my idea that I just DID NOT WANT a LDR. I completely lost one day however, when we were talking and we once again voiced his feelings towards me. This time however I told him "Ok, that made my heart skip a beat... in a good way". He was more than surprised but nothing more went on that day except we talked about issues of distance and travels. For the rest of the week I kept thinking about what happened and what I was getting myself into. But try as I might, I was falling for him... hard this time. And one day, 21 of June, I casually confessed to him that I had fallen for him. His reaction was priceless but I told him about my worries and that I wanted to be sure about our relationship.
We talked for much longer everyday, we did more video calls as well, I even lost hours of sleep but there was still a wall between us, a wall created by me. I was still worried. I made plans to visit him in Chile meanwhile and in September someone told me what I needed to hear. I was overly cautious in every romantic relationship, I think about the possibilities ahead, I worry, and I don't let anyone easily inside my heart. It's like I create a wall/shield to protect myself and that I needed someone who was patient and didn't try to force their way in. Sam was really patient and I was touched that his feelings for me never faded. I thought that maybe he was the one that would make me open myself. This Autumn our conversations were more lovely between us. We talked about random and daily stuff a lot but our conversations also got more intimate until I noticed that my wall had become much smaller than before. I would talk to him about everything as he would with me.
Now I can't wait to see him in Chile in March 2013! Maybe thing will be a little awkward in our first meeting, but he's the first person that I really am serious about. I will only be staying for a week and I can't stay in his house but I sure hope to make use of my time there!
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