Armenian Love to a Persian Guy

[Efox]

Hey there everyone, so here is my first post, and i want to share my story of love, and i would like to hear your advice and opinion on it, i also made my dear boyfriend register here too so he can comment on here after Im done, and ill make him check this if we get advice on what to do, and how to hold on.... P.S sorry for my English it isn't my main language so i might be bad at it....

So heres a little about us, it was February when my close friend told me she had a crush on a guy, i was experienced in guys and i tried to help her get him, but even after valentines she came to me and told me that he have rejected her, and i think 1 more girl before her, he was in love with his ex, and didn't move on for 2 years, he said he didnt want a gf and stuff like that, but as soon as i saw his photo, i knew his my type....That amazing hair n those mysterious eyes that he had...so i told my friend never to meet me with him, because i might fall if i do get to know him, anywhayz after few months in august same year 2012....me n my friend went to movie, n there he was...I saw him...he said hi 2 my friend n i kept staring at him, the following night i kept thinking off him, n i re added him on fb .....i didnt talk to him because i didn't want to be like others girls who r pushy, but than he commented on something i had kept as status n i started talking about the movie he went to see , we saw Brave with my friend, so we talked about it, and than we kept talking till soon enough i told him about my feelings, but he kept saying that "am to old" and he doesnt like to date older girls, i am 3 years older, but after a while i told him that i wanted to watch movies with him every night we would watch movies online, as if we were couple, than at times he would say "hun" to me, and it would totally make me stop my heart..... Later one day my friend told me that i should give up on him, n that he is a kid(he really was at that time with only ever dating 1 girl in his whole life) but i told her "i like him n i will get him, n i know his worth it" after few weeks, on 8-th september i was out n i got skype from that friend saying "congratz u got what u wanted" i didnt know what she meant till she told me that he started liking me n after 2 years of refusing to date he wants to date me.....i was in heaven that day n we were going to see each other on 9-th.....so all night i was nervous .....next day i kept cool and we met, he was nervous based by the way he looked around n couldn't even look in my eyes, but than after we went movie with him n his best friend(he was 2 scared to come alone XD) i put my head on his shoulder and held his hand.....from that day on we started dating...we had ups n down, but it was always out choice to be together no matter what, till one day i told my mum about him, things have gotten off hands.....now this is where sad part starts

....SO I'm 23 but i am armenian....and families here have traditions n rules and stuff that girls cant marry other nations and especially relegion(and his muslim while Im christian - tho i dont believe in relegion) anywhayz i cant have freedoom with family, my papers n pasport n everything is with my parents....I dont work atm because we came here in armenia(we used to live in bahrain) and ever since we came here its been now 2 month, my mum has been giving me hell, telling me that i wont be going back and that i should start living n dating armenian guys.....And its hard....its really hard when its not just distance but also preassure from parents......n now i dont know what to do, i cant give up on him even if it takes years...but distance is not what im worried of, im worried that even after he comes here(he should be comming in2 years) even than my parents can do something like lock me in house.... n i was thinking to run away but its also problematic because my parents have alot of money and here in armenia they can buy anyone....they can make police find us in no time, and than it will be really hard they have connections and stuff....Idk what to do, should we keep going n have distance and 1038922 more problems and have faith? or give up? i love him with all my heart i do, n tho its hard we both are holding on ...i never had this kind of love ...never had guy kiss me on forehead and tell me Im most beautiful girl in his life, never had guy be so loyal, and spend every single minute with me when he coulda go out with friends....hes sitting every day at home jst to talk 2 me online, and we talk non stop, but still its hard.........Please help?

[AxelOnFire]

[Efox]

Please give us advice on what to do about parents situation.....should i tell dad(knowing he wont ever accept he will probably lock me in n take all contacts ) or shall i try n wait till my bf comes, than just run away, marry him n live as if i never had family?(with fact they never ever gave me freedoom i bet i could do that eassy enough without feeling guilty) :/

[Efox]

so i just found out, that if i run away, parents can get me back by going to police n since everyone in armenia hate arabs, they will most likely be against him and might put him in jail for "stealing" me ....even if i say its not true they wont hear, n i wont be abble 2 get my passport coz i have no idea where it is.....Im loosing hope please help

[always2far]

Family does matter, so maybe you should just try telling them!!!

[Efox]

if i tell them, they will take away my phone and laptop and lock me in house......they can do that n in armenia, its normal, i mean girls CANT leave house unless they marry n if they run away n marry its fine but not in my case coz, mine they can make as if he made me run away coz hes muslim n my mum knows that why she doesnt let me go back bahrain......n i fear my dad tho am PRETTY sure he knows but i fear it....... Im totally lost, and no i reached the point where i honestly dont care about parents, thats why need ANY solution even if it will hurt them, coz they been hurting me my whole life, they kept asking me to sacrifice things n people i LOVED ALL my life......n i just cant forgive them that

[Verojoon]

first off, try to relax.

When I fell in love with my guy, everything seemed impossible for us. Like you, culture played (still plays) a big part. His mother still hates me and wants to arrange his marriage to one of his cousins that still live in Iran. But things are better than they used to be a few years ago... because eventually people get used to things... and even if your parents might never be happy about your love, they may eventually learn to accept it... But these things take time... Like my boyfriend and I, you two have a lot of obstacles in your relationship, so you have to decide if it's worth it to wait for something that might not happen in the end... You are 23, if you wait for years and it doesn't happen, will you regret it, or would you regret never giving it a chance? This is a question only you can answer for yourself.

As for telling your family, I think that depending on your situation, it can wait... Until you two figure out things a little more, it may be easier not to tell them... sometimes I wish my boyfriend hadn't told his mother... then, she wouldn't be yelling at him each time he's on Skype with me (and he's 28!)... of course, when we do manage to be together, I would want his family to know, and not just have him run away... but in the meantime, sometimes it's easiest to keep negativity to a minimum... Especially in Middle Eastern cultures where many parents often expect nothing to happen (even having feelings) until married!

Good luck with your situation! Let me know if you ever want to chat.. we have a few things in common (even dating a younger man!)

[Efox]

Thank you so much for your reply, it really means alot.....Thank god that my bf's mum doesn't seem that against me, her only rule is for him to marry AFTER finishing uni, and she lets him talk 2 me but complains that hes always at home....and well i met his dad, which is great man i think i could go along with them, but my parents.....well my mum knows and bro...and thats why am in this situation, am sure my dad knows coz mum never keeps secrets.....but he acts as if he doesn't know, so idk if i can handle telling him.....n i have no freedoom at all which KILLS me

[AxelOnFire]

The problem is, due to some problems with the visa as well along with some other issues, she's been forced to go away for several months now, and it's depressing since she was promised to only be away for about a week when she took off

[Verojoon]

My boyfriend has never been able to come see me in Canada yet due to passport issues. At first we were waiting for him to get his green card because his refuge status didn't allow him to leave the US, then when he finally got his green card, we realized his Iranian passport was expired, and since Iran holds no diplomatic ties with the US, he has had to go through the embassy of Pakistan to do it, and so everything takes longer... after waiting for MONTHS, he was told that his Iranian birth certificate is old and he needs to renew it first and then get his passport renewed, but to renew his birth certificate he had to send some US Ii.d. and obviously he didn't want to send them his green card, so he had to get another i.d. first... and now we are at the waiting stage and hopefully everything goes well and he can come visit me and maybe we can start making plans for the future... I have been visiting him 2 times a year, which is really not often enough.. and I really don't know when I see him next.

So I know the frustration of waiting for months! But sometimes the wait can be used in a good way... like in talking so much you know each other so much better than if you could spend all that time in person.. or even just giving her father more time to get used to the idea of you two being together.

Efox - If your father probably knows and is saying nothing about it, I think it is promising... if there was no way he would ever agree, then he probably would have made that 100% clear, no? Try to be optimistic? I know things are difficult with your freedom in your country but even if the government is not on your side, if your parents are reasonable and you manage to communicate your feelings in a mature manner, then maybe things can work out well... The funny thing is I'm sure I would have felt exactly the way you do if I was in your situation when I was 23... and yet, maybe if I had had less freedom and had to convince my family I was doing the right thing, I would have fought only for the things that are worth it and not made as many mistakes...

I know it's not easy!

[Efox]

he is totally worth it.........but your case is much diffrent, you see having no freedoom at ALL kills not only feelings to my bf but to my life, i stoped being happy, i dont see happiness in anything,all i can think of is overdozing myself but i am holding on.........your bf atleast can go n do stuff to see papers n all, my papers are in bahrain..in mums room locked, and my passport is god knows where... and no my dad only acts as ok coz hes smart person, but if i myself tell him bout bf am sure he will shout n scream

[Verojoon]

you're right. Not being in your situation, I can't know what it's like. But please, even if you are not happy today, have some hope for tomorrow. You are a beautiful girl who seems very nice and intelligent, I think with patience and hard work you have the chance at a bright future! (but yes, it is sad that because of your situation where you live, you have to work so much harder at finding your happiness!)

We have very different challenges... but I know a little something about having no freedom... but for me it was mostly in my head... I was married before. I didn't have a passport, I didn't even have my own bank card. I had to ask him whenever I wanted money. When I tried to leave him he did everything he could to control me to stay. He made me think I could never survive on my own... He made me think he would be able to take my children from me and that I would lose everything... It was very hard for me to learn that I did have freedom... I know what it's like to feel you are trapped and you have nowhere to go... but hopefully you will find a solution just like I was able to learn to be strong enough to be on my own!!

Please try to focus on happiness. You have a man who loves you. And the future is still open. It seems hopeless right now, but have hope, anyways!

I'm in the chat room right now, if you want to chat!

[Efox]

that is why i dont want to marry armenian....because 99% of them are guys that says "man rule world, you have no rights" n i want freedoom more than anything in life and yes im lucky really lucky that my bf is still fighting for me, despate the problems and sorry i dont know where chat is here, i think i cant enter it unless i get more posts o,o

[ioanna]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Transitioning from close distance to long distance is pretty hard without any other factors already.
You have a lot of things on your plate, take time to deal with each on its own. It will take time adjusting to a new life, give it a chance though. I can understand that you're frustrated by your current situation, but you need to deal with the fact that you're living there for now and make the best of what you can.
I don't know you, nor your family, but if you were my sister I'd try to get you to calm down and behave like a responsible adult. Take a deep breath, write your frustration out, be thankful you and your SO can communicate, find a way to enjoy yiur day to day life.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I truly can relate to your issue as a lot of people I know have gone through similar situations. I'm Lebanese and have only been in the US for two months; so the whole family v/s interfaith relationship is very common.
If you feel like talking about transitioning into LD life feel free to inbox me.
Hang in there!

[Jade_Crystal]

Hey! And congrats on your first post.

I think I have a couple pieces of advice to offer you from my perspective.

First, try to tackle one problem at a time and while they're coming at you, instead of worrying your head with extended versions of possible stories that may never actually happen.
Two years is a lot of time and a lot of things can happen until then - I mean, not even my relationship is currently 2 years long, so think about it that way.
You should worry about your parents not allowing you to be with him IRL only after he's come in your country and met them in person. If he's the wonderful guy you fell in love with, I don't think your parents will be able to hate him straight off because solely his religion.
Also, if religion doesn't matter to you - does it matter to him? I'm not very knowledgeable regarding his religion, but couldn't he convert for your sake to grant your parents permission, if worse comes to worse in two years from now? Just as an idea. Love should come before any religion, even Christianity that preaches it, but when your parents don't give you a choice and you're fully dependent and caged by them due to their financial power over your life, maybe there's not very much that you can do right away.

Second would be trying to attain independence until then. I have no idea what it's like where you live and I'm fully aware as an example that in my country there's no way in seven hells that a 20 year old person like me could gain financial independence, when adult married couples struggle through living together. But if you plan it through (and you really have a lot of time to do so) you can gain at least some independence and perhaps enough respect from your parents regarding you being an adult now... that they will at least allow you to make your own decisions regarding your spouse.
As far as I'm aware of, nobody can legally force you to do anything once you're no longer a minor - they can only not sustain you financially anymore. I understand they have money and power through that, but if you and your boyfriend have clean records, maybe I just don't have a wider enough imagination to think what could happen. Regardless, try to finish your studies, try to find a job, try to move out, if not by then then maybe eventually once he's moved in your country, you in his, or, who knows, maybe you'll find your freedom by moving together in a different country. The options are a lot of them... You can only choose whatever is in the best interest of the relationship and take just one step at a time.