A Shanghai Love Story 上海爱情故事！

[Xiaosha801]

I apologize for length in advance...

No one could have predicted how I found love in Shanghai. No one knows how or why it happened, but everyone say it forming and encouraged us along the way. I, for one, could not be any more overjoyed. This is my story.

June 21st, 2013. It was in Shanghai where Minghao (Michael S.) and I first met. I remember my very first day laying eyes upon him. Out of everyone there, he stood out to me. I never knew why but he did. But I always kept my distance, even after I realized a week later that I have developed a crush on him although we have never formally met or spoken to each other aside from the occasional "Nihao" to one another.

When we finally did formally meet each other, it was through a friend, Yvonne. From then on, we all began to hang out with each other, all six of us: Yvonne, Joseph, Christopher, Simon, Michael and I. We were out own little family. After we begun to hang out, my crush on Michael grew stronger. I thought that it would go away but it never did. I found myself doing small things to be near him at the beginning. I would pick the closest seat to him, I'd shoot him glances every so often, I paid special attention to him whenever he spoke and played guitar. I found his voice and manner of speaking to be very soothing. but I always kept my distance because I never thought, for even a second, that a guy like him would ever fall for me, someone incredibly short and petite, who likes to spend all day reading and studying, who loves animals and spending time outside doing various activities, and so on. I was always bullied as a child growing up and because I'm so unique, I have a hard time believing that anyone would ever want to be with me until now.

It was when I tried to ignore my extreme like for Michael that I began to notice a chance in his behavior. I always wrote it off as him just being a nice person. I began to catch him staring at me very often. I only thought 'perhaps there is something on my face' but nevertheless, whenever I caught him, I quickly looked away, completely embarrassed. My heart rate would speed up and my breathing would quicken. He also payed special attention to me, especially as everyone else were talking, he would lean over on the couch and engage with me in conversation. I was always very quiet and rarely spoke but he always spoke to me. He would always sit next to me on the couch or at any restaurant we all went to. As we walked around Shanghai, going to Wujiaochang, out to eat, or even for a walk, he always walked next to me. He even begun to volunteer himself accompanying me on my midnight stroll to Lianhua to buy orange juice. Again, I only thought he was being nice.

I remember my first night out in Shanghai with Yvonne, her roommate, Anqi and her two friends, visiting a club in Shanghai. As we were all dancing together, suddenly Joseph, Simon, Christopher and Michael all showed up! I thought 'perhaps I could dance with him' but I didn't think he would want to so I continued to dance alone as he danced with out other friends. For sure, I thought he liked someone else in the program. I never thought I stood a chance.

Later on in the evening, I well shortly after my previous thought, the dance floor started to become more crowded and I somehow found myself dancing next to Michael. I didn't even realize he was near me. Soon afterwards, however, someone pushed me back into Michael. I was horrified and completely embarrassed. As I started to turn around to apologize to him, I felt him gently place his hands on my wait. I was stunned. I looked up at him, as he is a good foot taller than my 4'8'' self, and he smiled down at me and began to dance the rest of the night away with me, only me. I couldn't have been any more happier than I was that night.

Eventually, Michael and the rest of the guys called it a night and soon afterwords, so did Yvonne, Anqi and myself. But the smile on my face was bigger than I every thought possible. I think it was that point where I found myself completely smitten by him.

Despite my observations and because of my naivety, I continued to believe that Michael held no feelings for me, none at all past friendship. But despite my belief, my friends apparently all saw how Michael was completely infatuated with me, just from their observance alone. One afternoon, we decided to have lunch at a restaurant of one of Michael's friends. As the guys all left, Michael, Jo, and Christopher to find an ATM, Yvonne and I were left alone. It was at that moment she questioned me about Michael. I believe her exact words were "Do you think Michael likes you? Because you know he does right?" I denied it immediately, telling her that he was only being nice and that I didn't think he liked me at all. She asked me, what would you do if he kissed you, and I said, I don't think that will ever happen, he's too nice. And then she said, "Well he does like you, he told me himself." Yvonne isn't one to lie, she's very open with her opinions so I had to believe her, I was just stunned. Michael actually did like me.

I suppose I should have picked up on the signs myself, especially when he would only ever dance wit me at clubs, how he protected me from perverts, and took special attention to see if I was alright. Yet, each and every day that passed, my feelings for him grew deeper and stronger. But I never hinted any of that to him.

When we all went to Qingdao for out study vacation, he chose to sit next to me on the bus, no matter where we went. He would even politely ask to wrap his arm around my body so that he could rest against me and I against him. At first I was scared, but eventually I was able to rest against him freely. He accompanied me everywhere, always walking by my side, always talking to me. I was overjoyed.

The day that Michael and I got separated from out group of friends at the Buddhist Temple's will forever be burned into my memory. I don't think he seemed to mind being left alone with me, in fact, we explored the temple of Kuan Yin together and I took many pictures. I even had him do a small prayer but that isn't the big event that took place. That happened later on when we climbed many, many stairs to the top of a temple at the top of a hill.

As we entered the temple, suddenly a monk came out of nowhere and led us in Buddhist Ritual together. I still think he thought I was Michael's girlfriend. Nevertheless, we both prayed, had a prayer blessed upon us, banged a bell 9 times, and a drum 9 times together, all for the entire sanctuary to hear. Afterwards, we told our friends of what took place and it was then, at that moment, that everyone started calling us Mr. and Mrs. South. They were convinced that we had just gotten married. I'm sure we didn't but secretly, every time they called me Mrs South or his wife, even as I was embarrassed, I was still completely happy and overjoyed on the inside. But Michael never hinted any discomfort towards it, he would just smile and went along with it, but he never hinted that he actually wanted to be with me.

A week later, after our Qingdao trip, Michael may have had a bit of liquid courage before we all went out to another club that night. As we were dancing together, I noticed that Michael's face was actually very close to my neck that night, more so than usual, but I shrugged it off, thought nothing of it and kept dancing. Then, I felt him gently move my hair aside and gently place small kisses along against my neck. Immediately I felt small butterfly;s in my stomach but it passed as I thought 'he's only feeling a bit of the effects of liquid courage' or 'perhaps he's doing it by accident.'

It was only when he took his hand and gently placed it against my cheek that I began to think otherwise. Soon afterwards, he gently led my face to the side, up to his, where he kissed me for the first time. Yes, it was in Shanghai where Michael and I shared our first kiss together. I remember exactly how I felt. My stomach was fluttering like never before, my heart was beating so very fast, I was completely embarrassed but as we pulled back for air, I could only smile and wish that he would do it, again and again. And to my desire, he did, the same method of leading my face to his, gently placing a kiss upon my lips. Eventually we decided to leave together but as I was waiting for him to return from the men's room, I started to become scared and have second doubts, what if he was only kissing me because of the liquid courage. I gathered my nerves and asked him before he and I left the club. He said no, that he he has been wanting to kiss me for a long time. And that he really likes me. I was overjoyed!

When we returned to his apartment, Michael and I went to his room so that we could talk. He kissed me again many times that night and we revealed to each other how much we liked each other. I ended up staying there all night into morning just stalking to him before I left to my own quarters and thought about him for the rest of the morning. That's when things really chanced for us. He began to hold my hand everywhere, placing a small kiss upon it. He always said "I want to kiss you right now" but was always under the scrutiny of our friends. He took me on lunch dates and dinner dates (late) often, always liked spending time with me. Eventually, everyone assumed we were together. But the truth is, I didn't know what we were were. We never labeled it. I never asked either. I was too afraid to honestly.

[Xiaosha801]

Shortly after we shared our first kiss together, Michael and I began to sleep in the same bed together. I have insomnia and frequently have night terrors. Before Michael began to sleep with me, I hadn't slept at all for quite a long while. I voiced to our group that the only way for me to sleep is if someone were sleeping with me. That's when Michael and I began to share a bed together. The first time Michael and I slept together, I was shocked. For the first time in months, I slept peacefully throughout the whole night. I didn't experience a single night terror, I had never slept so contently before, not even when I shared a bed with friends from back him. I'd still have a hard time sleeping but with Michael, I experienced none of that. From that moment on, Michael would come to my room, take off his shoes by the front door, turn off my light, and join me under the covers, especially as I always had the air conditioner turned on so that he would not sweat. Before we would finally succumb to sleep, we talked about anything and everything, every night. It was moments like that in which I never wanted to end.

As my feelings for Michael deepened with each day, I had only hoped that he felt the same way about me. I got the chance to talk to Yvonne about our blossoming relationship. She asked me if I thought this was just a China thing and when we returned home, would it all stop. I told her that I honestly didn't want it to stop, that I wanted to be with him even after we all separated. And she said "Oh damn." I think it was at this moment she realized just how much I liked him. But we never talked about it. I didn't think he felt the same way, I'd only ever bring it up if he did. I was much too shy to do it first.

We began to go on more dates together, always left the club together, and accompanied each other almost everywhere. I remember the first time I sat on his lap in front of the entire group. We were watching a Korean or other ethnic genre movie and I asked could I share the big chair with him as there were no more seats available on the couch and he said "Of course, Xiaosha." I felt very content being in his arms.

I had always denied that everyone knew about us when discussing if we thought our friends knew about us. He always said they do, all of them do. They all know that we sleep together, that we go on dates, etc... But for some reason, I always denied it. One night as I returned to my apartment from Michael's and Jo's room, three girls were sitting in my apartment with my roommate talking about guys in the program. When I walked in, they immediately asked who I would marry in the program. I didn't want to answer. I was speechless so they answered for me, "You would marry Michael South!" I denied it immediately and quickly escaped to my room. But I couldn't help but remember an earlier conversation I had with Yvonne about our top three guys in the program. I said Michael, Thomas, and Simon. Even then, Michael had been a frequent subject on my mind.

As the last days in Shanghai quickly approached, the more nervous I was. I didn't want to end what Michael and I had. I became scared and anxious. I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to do. But the last day came all too quickly. It was the last day form me, as I was leaving the next day. I didn't want to part so soon however. Yvonne, her boyfriend, Christopher, and Michael were all leaving to Beijing the evening of graduation. I wanted to cry then. Our goodbye, Michael and I's were too short, the last kiss not long enough, and my feelings grew with each step that he took away from me. I didn't feel whole any longer. I felt out of place, disconnected. In fact that night I did cry, because I realized now that all of my friends that I met in Shanghai left a special place in my heart, but it was Michael who I realized that I fell in love with. No one could have predicted how I found love in Shanghai. No one knows how or why it happened, but everyone saw it forming and encouraged us along the way. This is my story and luckily for me it didn't end there.

When I arrived home, my father met me at the gate. He could tell something was wrong amiss but he never voiced it. I was sad, heartbroken, and lost. My last days in Shanghai came and went by too quickly. The first thing I did upon returning home was give Michael my phone number and Wechat Id. When they returned from Beijing to Shanghai, I was ecstatic because he was finally able to message me. Once again I was able to talk to Michael. Overjoyed as I was, I was still sad. He then began to bring up our relationship and asked me what I wanted to become of us. The question I was dreading to ask was finally brought up bu him. I never hesitated for a moment to tell him.

I expressed that I wanted something more from this. He countered with his own apprehensions about long distance relationships but I told him I'd be more than willing to work on that with him. But he asked if we could talk about it on a later day. I didn't want to push him so I agreed. He brought it up again the next day and we discussed it more. I told him that I very much wanted to be his and only his, formally. But again he asked to talk about it when he got back to the states. I complied. When he finally arrived the next day, it was late at night in which he brought it up again. He said well we are already in kind of a relationship and everyone thinks we are together so why not make it official.

So happy..so overjoyed..so ecstatic...so..soo...no words could describe how I felt at the moment! As late as it was, my body couldn't have held any more energy. It was finally official. As of August 21st, 2013 Michael and I were finally together at long last. All this time I was scared, nervous, apprehensive, and heartbroken because I thought that was the end for us. Yet it wasn't. The man that I fell in love with in Shanghai was finally someone I could call mine and I his. Nothing could have made me happier.

Since then we tried to message each other whenever we could, we would have rare skype dates and we have never argued. We often send pictures to each other and our topics are endless. We were always talking about something and learned more and more about one another. I believed we had become closer even in our long distance. I was never upset or angry when he had to cancel a skype date or couldn't talk to me for an entire day. Those things happen, so whenever he tried to apologize, I would reassure him it was no problem, no need to apologize. We talked of visiting each other and spending time together doing things with each visit. I had planned on seeing him every other month and perhaps he could visit me in between those months. I thought the idea was perfect but I was never able to express that wit him beyond December visits.

October 21st, 2013. It was only when Michael expressed that he didn't know how to maintain a long distance relationship with me in a way that was fair to me that my fear of our relationship being over finally came about. His statement came out of nowhere. I didn't know what to do. At first, I was confident I could help alleviate his fear and think of solutions so this was not the case but soon afterwards, about twenty minutes or so I began to cry. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I finally sought friendly advice from a friend, Jo, in which I finally confessed that I was in love with Michael and that I love him. He told me to just talk to him as communication is key.

Since then I have looked up ideas, advice, activities, and brainstormed many possible idea's to resolve Michael's worry but I'm afraid it's not enough. When I presented my ideas he told me that although the list was beautiful and great, he couldn't do any of those things. But it's not that he can't, it's just that he doesn't want to and I don't know why. It's as if he always had a negative outlook on our relationship because of the distance and I'm constantly being compared to his ex's who felt neglected because of the lack of communication. At this point, I'm scared because I don't want to lose him for good. I only ask for a second chance to prove that this can work between us. To at least try my ideas and go from there. I had already planned on moving to his state after graduating in 8 months, not only just for him but also because the career opportunities there are great in number for my interests along with grad school.

I don't want to lose him, not like this. I only wish for him to give us a second chance and to see me for me and not for his past relationships. But I don't know how to get him back. He had so many people that helped him "woo" me in China, now I only ask for the same support in return in getting him back, to easing his mind and laying his worry to rest. Too soon would our relationship be over and no one, none of our friends want to see that truly happen, especially as they watched it blossom before their very eyes. This is my story, but I don't want it to end so suddenly, especially after it only just now began.

[dglynn77]

你好！welcome to LFAD!
(我的普通话是不好）

[7806miles]

Hi! I read your story and I could understand your fear of losing him. I can tell you like him a lot of course and he seems to like you too! Honestly this would be enough to help you make it through the beginning of the distance if you both try to maintain communication and do little things to give love surprises as simple as sharing a love poem. If he is just as serious as you about starting the long distance relationship and making it work, it definitely can happen! I come from Hong Kong, China and my online boyfriend then comes from America. There was a time I thought I would let him go because he failed to make his plan to meet me in person after talking online for 3 years. Then, here we are now, being married for 4 years My blessing to you Michael will work with you together on this. Good luck!

[Xiaosha801]

I think I have to give up, I want to..but I can't. I don't know how to convince him or anyone of anything. I think he's scared of taking that risk with me.

[mellif]

Your story is so sweet! I understand you and your SO's fears though-- talk to him directly about the risk. What are you each afraid of? Why do you think it will be worth it? Maybe it seems like rather big and intimidating questions, but saying something as simple as "I really love you babe-- I don't want to lose you just because we're far away" can strike up this kind of conversation. I hope you guys can work it out; just remember to work it out together!

[Xiaosha801]

Thank you, everyone, who has helped me throughout this. Unfortunately my efforts were a waste because he left me for someone else, that lives in the same vicinity as him. I appreciate everyone's advice however, it was of great help and comfort to me.

[rufuz]

Thank you, everyone, who has helped me throughout this. Unfortunately my efforts were a waste because he left me for someone else, that lives in the same vicinity as him. I appreciate everyone's advice however, it was of great help and comfort to me.

Oh, I feel so sorry for you Your story was really really cute... I have no idea how he can act so cruel When I read your story I really believed that he loved you, but in my opinion if you love someone you don't give up... especially not in such a short time.. I'm really sorry for you! I wish you all the best for the future...

[lovefrom2800milesaway]

Ahhh, I read the title (and actually understood the Chinese!!) and knew I had to read this story.
This was undoubtedly the longest post I've read on LFAD but I loved every minute of it.
Your story is so sweet and I wish Michael would see your relationship for what it is: a lot of love, commitment, and dedication.
Jo is right in that communication is always the key to any relationship.
Keep your mind and eyes open, but guard what is in your heart and hold on to it very tightly.
I wish you guys the best of luck!!