jealousy and trust issues

[differentcountries]

Oh, I see I was not clear. I meant unconcious rebellion. I don't neccesarily mean he will stray, just that over time he will resent you treating him like a child/your father.

[ethelynn]

Oh, I see I was not clear. I meant unconcious rebellion. I don't neccesarily mean he will stray, just that over time he will resent you treating him like a child/your father.

Like ThePiedPiper said, then it's up to him to say so and so far he is fine with it.

[differentcountries]

I am often amazed how people interpret the word unconcious as to mean... concious.

[CynicalQuixotic]

I am often amazed how people interpret the word unconcious as to mean... concious.

No, you're using the word 'unconscious' wrong. "Unconscious" means that the person isn't aware. People are aware of resentment.

[chateau]

Thank you to those who noticed what my point was of the post

AFter reading through everything I noticed I may have left out some talks weve already had and maybe some details.

When he WANTED to have a "fling" with a girl we were not in an official relationship and he even said not only to her but to the few he told he was a bit interested that he wanted nothing serious because he didnt want to hurt me. It never got anywhere though and it sort of died off. It still gets to me though that it was only a few weeks before we got together.

I have talked to him about everything quite a few times. Ive asked him if hes sure he wants a relationship and so many times that he actually kind of got annoyed because I sounded like I didnt believe him. He said though that the reason it took so long for him to get into a relationship was because he wanted to be sure he was ready and once that whole thing with that girl died off and he told another girl he did have something with (before we started talking again) that they cant really meet up anymore, he was sure he wanted it. So Im sure now also he wants it.

To Ethelyn: I did ask him why he deleted the messages and it was because of that but I found it hard to believe but then again It takes a long time for me to trust people and once I think theyre a bit unworthy of my trust it takes a long time to believe the person again so im actually really observant i dont always check on him and spy on him it was just that one time and hes actually really open with everything so I see i dont have anything to worry about but i sometimes if its all just a game. Now that you said it could be that I see that hes not the only one that thinks like that and ill be able to believe what he said, so thank you

I wont get into details as to why he said im not the same as his ex but I knew from the beginning that it would not be the same. I dont think hes a serial cheater because he technically never cheated on me. I guess he was really only making sure he didnt have an urge while we were officially together and tried to see what would happen with that girl before starting anything.
Now that hes gone he said hed be willing to do anything to make it work. Hes talked to the girl and told her they cant meet up anymore only in lectures ( which still has me going crazy ), he keeps me updated, he does a lot to try and make me feel comfortable but maybe it will just come with time. Having him gone and not fully trusting him is getting me frustrated i really want to trust him but its not that easy :P

Actually now, writing everything down I've noticed a bit more that I dont have much to worry about, despite what some may think here. I think what I dont trust the most is what girls would do over there or what his friends would push him to do, etc..

I think slowly but surely it will all come into place.

Thanks all for your advice!

[differentcountries]

No, you're using the word 'unconscious' wrong. "Unconscious" means that the person isn't aware. People are aware of resentment.

If they were aware of it, they would be doing something instead of feeling resentment. The very feeling of resentment comes from doing something of which you do not see the consequenses of. Like the mental prosess of getting tricked into saying yes to something which you maybe should not, but you felt preassure from yourself or another person. My point is that you set up a dangerous game by controlling your bf, even if he lets you.

If you truly feel he has an issue with cheating and is worried he might hurt you, it is ok to leave the relationship. His whole history with the other girl is dodgy, not just because he cheeted but because there seemed to be little communication about real stuff in the other relationship. And that means he has to do things another way with you. At least you are bringing it to him straight. Your dad is not his problem, but your feelings are his concern so he tries to accomodate to you. Those are good signs. Controlling and letting oneself be controlled do not breed trust. It seems you have a lot of other tecnics as well. I hope it all works out for you.

[chateau]

Yes, his last relationship lacked communication and he thanks me now every time that I tell him something is bothering me because he knows better how to make me happy, in his last relationship none of them were happy and they were only together because they really wanted it to work out after having invested so much in it. Which he knows now was wrong.

I think it will all be fine. Once I calm my nerves of having him gone after having had him for more than a month everyday it will get better. Thats really what I want to do is just calm my nerves :P

Thank you and all the best to you as well.