Life has been so busy that I haven't written in a long time. Really sat down and written a story. In high school and my first year of college, I would write short stories all the time. I'd like to think I'm not to shabby at it. However, it's been a long time. And when I think of my "love story" I'm a little lost for words. So I doubt this will be very eloquent, but here goes nothing.
I had just come out of another failed relationship. It had lasted a year, but I had ended up in the same situation as all the others; I was being held down. When I was with someone I would no longer be an individual. I was their's, as in a peice of property. I let people take advantage of me because I was made to feel like a dissapointment as a child and young adult. And yet again, I had let myself be taken advantage of. He had been using me as a crutch. He was dealing with a lot of things personally and, in my opinion, had some serious issues he needed to speak with a therapist about but refused to. (And I'm not just saying that as someone who doesn't know what it's like to have depression or anxiety. I've been down the highly medicated therapy road.) He used me as a justification, as a body to use to satify lust, and as a comfort. He had lead me into that state of numb where I believed everything was okay and that I was happy... but I was waking up. I knew it would break his heart, but I had to get myself out.
After a month of being away from him, I could see the relationship clearly. I was happy I had climbed out. As a distraction, I joined a 3D chatting community. I found a small group of people that gathered to chat everyday and made friends quickly. One of the first people I met was Scott. A charming englishman (my Jane Austen loving heart skipped a beat). We would chat nearly everyday within this small group of people. I had a small crush on him, but thought it was silly considering how far away he was. We got to know each other as friends for about two months.
One week in December things changed for us. Another guy had started coming into the chat room and was showing obvious interest in me. I was kind of annoyed by him and kept putting him off. At one point I had to stop and ask myself why. He was a nice guy. When he wasn't flirting with me too strongly, we had a good time. I had to really ask myself why I wasn't allowing myself to flirt with him. My answer came when I found myself wondering if Scott thought I liked this new guy and wondering if he would be upset. I finally pulled the new guy aside and told him that I had no interest in him and found it annoying when he flirted with me. He shrugged it off and I never heard from him again.
That next week talking to Scott felt awkward to me. I didn't know what I thought about these under current feelings towards him I had discovered. As the week passed, I started to acknowledge the flirting that naturally happened between us and I had hope that things were mutual. However... I hadn't forgotten that there were 5000 miles between us. I wasn't sure what I would do if things progressed between us, but I couldn't help myself.
December 16th, 2009 he stayed up all night with me. We talked long after everyone else had gone. We had done this a couple times in the past, but I felt the tension there that night. It felt like we were on the edge, and that night would determine if one of us would have the courage to take the leap or if we would chalk it up to a good frienship that could have been more under different circumstances. He took the leap, and I am forever grateful he did.
Nearly nine months later and we have yet to meet. However, we will be meeting this November. I cannot wait to feel the arms around me that my body has been aching for as if it's been wrapped in them before. The stuggle and the wait is entirely worth it for a relationship where I am finally an equal. I am finally more than a fix for lust or a filter for hatred. I am his, but only because he does not see me as "his".
So, it is because of this man that sees me as an equal, treats me like a goddess, and loves me unconditionally that I am loving from 5000 miles...
I had just come out of another failed relationship. It had lasted a year, but I had ended up in the same situation as all the others; I was being held down. When I was with someone I would no longer be an individual. I was their's, as in a peice of property. I let people take advantage of me because I was made to feel like a dissapointment as a child and young adult. And yet again, I had let myself be taken advantage of. He had been using me as a crutch. He was dealing with a lot of things personally and, in my opinion, had some serious issues he needed to speak with a therapist about but refused to. (And I'm not just saying that as someone who doesn't know what it's like to have depression or anxiety. I've been down the highly medicated therapy road.) He used me as a justification, as a body to use to satify lust, and as a comfort. He had lead me into that state of numb where I believed everything was okay and that I was happy... but I was waking up. I knew it would break his heart, but I had to get myself out.
After a month of being away from him, I could see the relationship clearly. I was happy I had climbed out. As a distraction, I joined a 3D chatting community. I found a small group of people that gathered to chat everyday and made friends quickly. One of the first people I met was Scott. A charming englishman (my Jane Austen loving heart skipped a beat). We would chat nearly everyday within this small group of people. I had a small crush on him, but thought it was silly considering how far away he was. We got to know each other as friends for about two months.
One week in December things changed for us. Another guy had started coming into the chat room and was showing obvious interest in me. I was kind of annoyed by him and kept putting him off. At one point I had to stop and ask myself why. He was a nice guy. When he wasn't flirting with me too strongly, we had a good time. I had to really ask myself why I wasn't allowing myself to flirt with him. My answer came when I found myself wondering if Scott thought I liked this new guy and wondering if he would be upset. I finally pulled the new guy aside and told him that I had no interest in him and found it annoying when he flirted with me. He shrugged it off and I never heard from him again.
That next week talking to Scott felt awkward to me. I didn't know what I thought about these under current feelings towards him I had discovered. As the week passed, I started to acknowledge the flirting that naturally happened between us and I had hope that things were mutual. However... I hadn't forgotten that there were 5000 miles between us. I wasn't sure what I would do if things progressed between us, but I couldn't help myself.
December 16th, 2009 he stayed up all night with me. We talked long after everyone else had gone. We had done this a couple times in the past, but I felt the tension there that night. It felt like we were on the edge, and that night would determine if one of us would have the courage to take the leap or if we would chalk it up to a good frienship that could have been more under different circumstances. He took the leap, and I am forever grateful he did.
Nearly nine months later and we have yet to meet. However, we will be meeting this November. I cannot wait to feel the arms around me that my body has been aching for as if it's been wrapped in them before. The stuggle and the wait is entirely worth it for a relationship where I am finally an equal. I am finally more than a fix for lust or a filter for hatred. I am his, but only because he does not see me as "his".
So, it is because of this man that sees me as an equal, treats me like a goddess, and loves me unconditionally that I am loving from 5000 miles...
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