Past
4 years ago.I was 15. It was September and I've been a Linkin Park fan for about a year. I decided to join a LP forum so I could share the love for this band with other fans.
It didnt take me a long time to get along with the people and make friends. One of them, Brandon, turned into one of my best friends. We talked a lot, soon started camin and got really good friends.
Apparently I was so cool that he told all his friends of how fun and awesome I was.
Soon I either met some of his friends via webcam or they added me on Facebook/Myspace.
So did Chris. Chris and I never really talked tho. We said happy birthday to each other and that was it.
2 years later. (2 years ago from now)
I had the opportunity to visit my dad's best friend who lived with his family in Canada. Of course, I as a huge fan of the English language, said yes right away!
It was christmas time and I tought I should get myself a new phone (heh present for myself lol) and since I saw people makin groups on Facebook on how their phone broke or they lost it etc and now have a new one I thought it would be fun to do the same.
I invited all friends I had, including Chris.
I didnt expect anything, I mean back than I didnt even know him. I knew he was a friend of Brandon and that they both play in the same band but that's it.
Just a few days later I got a message from him in my inbox. Along with his number he wrote "Jos!! message me as soon as you're back in Europe!!!!!!"
I smiled and the first thing I thought "aaww so cute!" and that's all.
You have to know that back than I didn't care about guys at all. My previous relationship wasn't good at all and the guy I had after that (for whom I really fell for) was first tell me he would like to try it with me and then later I had his best friend tell me that he doesnt want to anymore cause his best friend was only talkin him into it. I was basically done with the male world. And addin to that I basically lost all my friends I had.
To keep myself from harm, I build up a wall inside of me and didnt let anyone in.
I stopped postin on the forum and I didnt talk to anyone but maybe 3-4 people online and I as well didn't want to meet anyone else online (if someone messaged me I ignored it and so on). And when people asked me for advice I just didnt care, usually I wouldve done everything to help them.
But somehow Chris made it through this wall. We first started messaging each other on Facebook and then on Myspace and finally on MSN.
We mostly talked about his relationship. He was datin when I met him and he was with the girl for 3 months. I didnt know her but from what he told me I knew they werent supposed to be together. He's the type who'd do everything for his girl. I remember exactly how he posted a status on valentines day how he loved spending it with Genny (his then gf) and than one of her friends commented and asked what they did so special cause Genny didnt say much about it and than Genny commented and said "He probably just likes spendin time with me." And this made me nuts and it still does just thinkin of it. I know that everyone shows their feelings but he is exactly like me, we'd both rave so much about your girlfriend/boyfriend that people would get sick of it. And that's why it made me mad so much cause I knew he'd deserve better.
I was the shoulder to cry on. I dont remember one conversation of ours back at the very first beginnin where he didn't cry about his relationship.
Most of all his problem was that he would've liked to go a little further than just holdin hands and kissin but Genny wouldnt want to due to bein super christian. As well he had to have the door of his room open whenever she was over, so his parents could make sure there's nothin happenin. And with the time she would want to do less and less. He was really frustrated which I do understand. I mean he was 18 and most of his friends have already had sex and all that jazz and he was the only one who didn't have any of that. Plus high schools was gettin closer to end and I'm not sure if the other americans on here would agree but I do know from stories and Chris and Brandon told me as well that pretty much if you dont get laid the night at prom you will be a looser in college. And Chris couldn't take a lot of pressure, he would always do everything for other to help them and make sure there are happy and therefore he wants other people to accept him as well.
I saw my personality in his but due to experiencing dissapoint and dissapointment only just shortly before gettin to know him, I tried to help him by tellin him what I would do if I was her. And I guess that was what made him fall for me.
After a few weeks of talkin he started tellin me more and more how I am the perfect girl he has always wanted. And with this compliment the flirtin began.
Also we started camin and I still remember seein him for the first times I knew it was somethin special. He was the first guy I wasnt shy to talk to. I got super shy and wouldnt say a word especially if I had to talk english (back than I was as confident about my english as I am now) but I just started rambling and I think it was the first time in ages I have been this open.
We didn't chat anymore, we turned it into camin and talkin and both felt extremly good durin it
He gave me hits all the time that he likes me more than just friends and often said that whenever he sees me he gets butterflies in his tummy.
But I was scared. After all that I have been through the time before I met him and my first LDR I wasnt sure what to do. I wasnt even sure about my feelings. I first was thinkin that I only liked him cause he made me so many compliments and I even thought I was playin with him. But soon the days and nights where I started missing him and just thinkin about him started and I realized this is more than just fun and friendship.
As we were startin to get serious and admittin that we had deeper feelings for each other, he started to back off cause of his girlfriend. He felt like he was cheatin on her and he couldnt deal with it but still he wanted me.
And thats when the craziest and hardest time of my love life started.
We fought and got back together, fought and got back together.
And when he left for college it didnt change. On weekends he was back with her, durin the week he was talkin to me. September last year we even started bein naughty on cam together eventhough he was still datin. The reason why I did it? I loved the power I had over him, with previous dissapointments from men and Chris hurtin me a lot with his "I love you but I'm with Genny" I just loved the feeling that I have basically more power on him than his girlfriend had. (I know this is super evil and maybe even horrible but I was desperate - revenge is sweet was my purpose).
He even talked to me more often than he did with her back than and there wasnt one time they saw each other and didnt fight.
Finally they broke up and I thought it was over, I didnt expect him to be mine but I was glad I wasnt the 3rd wheel.
He was all mine, we talked all the time, he told me everything that happend at college, just like a couple.
Just a month later he was back with Genny and it broke me down. I hated her more than anythin else and I tried to stay away from him but it was impossible. I needed him like the air I breath.
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