My Superhero
For 6 years, I battled with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and PTSD which goes hand in hand with the anxiety since its an anxiety disorder. And I battled alone. I never let anyone in; I never let anyone see my struggle.
I suffered from abuse for most of my childhood. And it wasn't easy for me to handle. But what pushed me over the edge I had been standing on for so long, was something that happened at school. In march of 2013, I was attacked at school, and I didn't talk about it much. And this simply made all my issues worse. I wanted to fall off the face of the earth. It was my breaking point.
Nine times I attempted suicide. By April 2013, I was a shell of a person. But no one saw it. No one cared.
That was until I met my superman. I used to make YouTube videos on an old account that has since been deleted. In one video I talked abut how I overcame bullying. And so many people were proud of me. Except one. Except my superman.
One day, I received a message from a guy I had never spoken with before. And the fact we had never spoken before fascinated me so much because his message read, "I watched your YouTube video about bullying, it doesn't really seem like you got over it." A complete stranger was the first person to notice I wasn't ok.
Of course that started a conversation. And we talked about a lot of things. It was the night of April 14, 2013 when he messaged me, two days before my birthday. We talked for hours that night. When I finally laid down to sleep that night, I knew that boy was going to mean a lot to me.
Our friendship bloomed quickly. I found myself talking to him everyday for hours on end, and for the first time in a long time, I admitted I wasn't ok. School wasn't pleasant for me, so I would constantly check to see if he was online so I could talk to him. And we learned we had a decent amount of common interest.
It didn't surprise me when I started having feelings for this guy. He was an amazing friend and he didn't mind talking to me about my pain. Though I didn't truly know it at the time, I needed a guy like him in my life.
The night we met, I was on edge. I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor, my knife beside me, my antidepressants beside me, and I had already written the letter to my father. But talking to him gave me a kind of hope I had never had before.
So as I said, my feelings for him simply grew everyday. I started to think I'd have to stop talking to him because not being with him sucked so much. But then, May 1, 2013, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was stunned. There had been mild flirtation, but I knew he had a flirtatious personality, and so I didn't truly think anything of it. Never in my life would I have believed a guy like him would be interested in me. If someone else had told me he was, I wouldn't have believed it.
And the fact that he asked me to be his girlfriend instead of asking if I would "go out with him" meant a lot to me.
Our bond continued to grow. He's 3 years older than me and lives 3,800 miles away. But none of that bothers me.
We have been together 1 year now. Its been tough. The distance combined with my mother hacking my accounts and having relationships pretending to be me (I had evidence it wasn't me), have made it pretty difficult. People are always telling me I am too young to know what love is and that I shouldn't be so serious about a relationship with someone so far away. But I disagree, because I know I love him, even if it doesn't last. And I know I can't give up on something so special as what I have with him.
I suffered from abuse for most of my childhood. And it wasn't easy for me to handle. But what pushed me over the edge I had been standing on for so long, was something that happened at school. In march of 2013, I was attacked at school, and I didn't talk about it much. And this simply made all my issues worse. I wanted to fall off the face of the earth. It was my breaking point.
Nine times I attempted suicide. By April 2013, I was a shell of a person. But no one saw it. No one cared.
That was until I met my superman. I used to make YouTube videos on an old account that has since been deleted. In one video I talked abut how I overcame bullying. And so many people were proud of me. Except one. Except my superman.
One day, I received a message from a guy I had never spoken with before. And the fact we had never spoken before fascinated me so much because his message read, "I watched your YouTube video about bullying, it doesn't really seem like you got over it." A complete stranger was the first person to notice I wasn't ok.
Of course that started a conversation. And we talked about a lot of things. It was the night of April 14, 2013 when he messaged me, two days before my birthday. We talked for hours that night. When I finally laid down to sleep that night, I knew that boy was going to mean a lot to me.
Our friendship bloomed quickly. I found myself talking to him everyday for hours on end, and for the first time in a long time, I admitted I wasn't ok. School wasn't pleasant for me, so I would constantly check to see if he was online so I could talk to him. And we learned we had a decent amount of common interest.
It didn't surprise me when I started having feelings for this guy. He was an amazing friend and he didn't mind talking to me about my pain. Though I didn't truly know it at the time, I needed a guy like him in my life.
The night we met, I was on edge. I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor, my knife beside me, my antidepressants beside me, and I had already written the letter to my father. But talking to him gave me a kind of hope I had never had before.
So as I said, my feelings for him simply grew everyday. I started to think I'd have to stop talking to him because not being with him sucked so much. But then, May 1, 2013, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was stunned. There had been mild flirtation, but I knew he had a flirtatious personality, and so I didn't truly think anything of it. Never in my life would I have believed a guy like him would be interested in me. If someone else had told me he was, I wouldn't have believed it.
And the fact that he asked me to be his girlfriend instead of asking if I would "go out with him" meant a lot to me.
Our bond continued to grow. He's 3 years older than me and lives 3,800 miles away. But none of that bothers me.
We have been together 1 year now. Its been tough. The distance combined with my mother hacking my accounts and having relationships pretending to be me (I had evidence it wasn't me), have made it pretty difficult. People are always telling me I am too young to know what love is and that I shouldn't be so serious about a relationship with someone so far away. But I disagree, because I know I love him, even if it doesn't last. And I know I can't give up on something so special as what I have with him.
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