First: Three words. We met online. It was going to be my senior year in high school. Actually, it WAS my senior year in high school hahaha. We met on an online dating site, and after a while of messaging back and forth (I can't remember what was said since it was back in September of 2012. Over two years ago!) we added each other on facebook, and began chatting there instead. Ours is a unique story, once I take a step back and look at it. Really, all we discussed at first (after the initial "hi how are you?s") was politics; that's right. POLITICS. I won't state our views, but imagine what those kinds of debates (because that's what they were; debates) would have been like if that happened to be and your partner, pre-relationship. The point is, neither of us made a romantic move, or showed any romantic interest. There may have been a few flirations involved, but it never lead to anything serious. However, we talked on a regularge basis, and we both enjoyed talking with each other. Back at that time in my life, I was like a tigress on the prowl. (Romantically speaking.) I was looking for my first serious relationship, and I didn't care whether or not it was online. That being said, I was talking to multiple guys. I was trying to get to know all of them, in hopes of clicking with one on a serious level. Ironically, it wasn't who I'm with now. I wish it was. But we were both different people back then. He was a partier, and I was the opposite. If we got together back then, it simply would not have worked in our favor. One day, I cut off all communications with all the guys I was talking to. Including my SO. Because I finally thought I had found "the one." The connection I had with that ex (my last ex) was a very deep connection. But it was terrible for my health. He had PTSD and a bipolar disorder, and this began to effect me in very negative ways, though I didn't realize it at the time. (I had met him online as well.) I talked with him so much, that I began losing sleep. And a lot of it. So much so that it through me into a state of severe psychosis, and I was hospitalized for roughly 17 days. It was a very low point in my life. Yet, even when I was discharged, I was still with him. We still tried making it work, because at that time, we still felt like we were in love. That relationship lasted for a little over two months, but we went through enough ups and downs to last for a lifetime. We began dating in March, and it finally ended in June. I don't want this story to revolve around my past, but I feel like this piece is important, because if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have reconnected with my current SO. All I can say is that goodbye was the most painful moment of my life. I had really thought I had found the other half of me. One night he sent a very long message detailing how he never deseved me, and that I needed better. My aunts, who I had just recently moved in with for a time, knew about him, and how bad the relationship was for me. They cut down our talking time by about 90 percent. Anyways, shortly after I moved in with them was when he sent that message. I didn't even read it all the way through. I just couldn't. It was a complete and utter feeling of fight or flight. And as I listened to my aunts talking to my mother on the phone about how I was busy texting my that ex of mine, I chose flight. I didn't know what to say to that message. What could I say? I didn't want us to end. But I didn't want to have the fight of a lifetime with my family either. Family was more important to me than a man who couldn't make up his mind about us. (Granted I had my moments as well.) But it happened too often between us, and that should have been a deal breaker for me from the start. But I was immersed in what Hollywood portrays as "true love." I was sold on the notion that we had to have met in a previous life. I was sold on the whole "karmic connection = eternal love." Needless to say, the only words I reresponded with were these; "I really did love you. I still do." And it was true. I did. But I had made the decision to let him go. It was a pivotal decision. The biggest decision I had ever made. The kind that, if I would have chosen differently, would have turned my life into an alternate universe. And those were the last words I ever said to him. After sending that message, eyes spilling with tears, throat constricted, I logged off of skype, powered my phone off, and handed it to my aunt who kept it away from me for a long time so that I could recover from all that had transpired. I cried myself to sleep that night like a child, hugging my teddy bear to my chest as if it could somehow fill the void in my aching heart. Fast forward over a year later. I live in a different state with my mother, and I bring up the past with him to her for the first time. The topic had always seemed taboo. Once I began to feel a little less uptight talking to her about him, she told me something that gave me another scar. After they had taken my phone, he had tried to contact me. More than once. Asking if we could talk about it. (He most likely said much more than that, but my mother wanted to save the painful details.) There was a time that I dug up his number, and nearly called him after all that time. But I chose not to. There was a time that I almost messaged him on facebook...but I chose to block him instead. And I just left it at that. But there was still that hole in my heart. The kind you get when you permanently lose someone. I was dead to him, he was dead to me, and it left me feeling hopeless to ever find love again. Or if I did, that it just wouldn't be the same. And now, FINALLY, I get to my favorite part. The happy beginning. 
one day I saw my SO online again. Out of nowhere. I didn't even remember who he was until I scrolled through some of our old messages. In one message, I was talking to him about the ring on my finger. It was a beautiful ring, and I wear it to this day. It is a rosy garnett ring, the band is in the design of a bow, which has little chips of diamond on it that dazzle in the sun. It obviously was anything but a wedding ring, but he asked me if I was married. LOL. After reading that, I remembered him, and all the politics hahaha. Well, when we talked this time around (just a few months ago) it wasn't about politics. It was just small, regular talk. We talked about music, about the changes in my life, and many other things. At first, I messaged him because I think a part of me was desperate to find someone again. Someone who could ease the pain, and prove me wrong. Someone that could prove to me that there IS always someone in the world to love you. After a while of messaging on facebook, he asked me if it was too soon to ask for my skype account (a different skype from the old one. I had completely removed everything from my past relationship.) And I said no, we can skype. 
and so he called me for the very first time. We talked for hours. I opened up a little to him about my ex (now he knows the whole story.) And about how my ex and I would bond over watching movies together. And he told me that he would watch movies with me if I wanted. XD I told him I didn't really watch movies. I was into K-drama at the time. (Korean romance shows) and he said he would watch them with me, but I told him he wouldn't like to because they were too sappy. So instead we decided to watch a movie. It was Shanghai Noon, with Jackie Chan. Okay, so maybe it wasn't the most memorable movie ever. What was memorable was the way he asked me, and the way he sounded. He was very soft and tender. He had that sound to his voice that when a girl hears it, and when she knows it's meant for her, it makes her melt on the inside, and shiver on the out. That was the moment I started liking him. After a few more days of skyping, we finally admitted that we liked each other, but we didn't start being together just yet. Our love happy beginning was happy, but not perfect. There were so many doubts and insecurities that I had over the past relationship. So many wounds that to this day still bleed from time to time. Anyways, our happy beginning began on September 12th, on a Friday night. I was the one that initiare everything, and he told me it was my decision what the next step was. I said I wanted to be more than just friends. And in a heart-melting, spine tingling voice that only lovers share, he asked me "Katie... would you be my girlfriend?" I laid there in my bed, on my back, in the dark, and whispered "yes." From that point on we've had our ups and downs. He has never once caused a problem. It was the complete opposite compared to the last relationship. Whereas my ex was causing all the ups and downs, I was now the one that became that way with my SO. I had feelings for him, enough to want to be with him, and yet I still could not ignore the deep emotional damage that had been done to me. (That I had caused myself.) Everything about that past relationship was simply not meant to be. There's the kinds of connections that are karmic; instantanious and intense. It may sound cliche, but I'm going to quote the notebook: "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they all have one thing in common; they are shooting stars- a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone." And then there are the other kinds of connections built between two souls. The ones that happen slowly, sweetly, and innocently. The kind of connection that you want to build instead of the kind that hits you in the face. And it's those relationships, the kind that you're dedicated to building, and maintaining, I believe, that can stand the test of time and last forever. <3
one day I saw my SO online again. Out of nowhere. I didn't even remember who he was until I scrolled through some of our old messages. In one message, I was talking to him about the ring on my finger. It was a beautiful ring, and I wear it to this day. It is a rosy garnett ring, the band is in the design of a bow, which has little chips of diamond on it that dazzle in the sun. It obviously was anything but a wedding ring, but he asked me if I was married. LOL. After reading that, I remembered him, and all the politics hahaha. Well, when we talked this time around (just a few months ago) it wasn't about politics. It was just small, regular talk. We talked about music, about the changes in my life, and many other things. At first, I messaged him because I think a part of me was desperate to find someone again. Someone who could ease the pain, and prove me wrong. Someone that could prove to me that there IS always someone in the world to love you. After a while of messaging on facebook, he asked me if it was too soon to ask for my skype account (a different skype from the old one. I had completely removed everything from my past relationship.) And I said no, we can skype. and so he called me for the very first time. We talked for hours. I opened up a little to him about my ex (now he knows the whole story.) And about how my ex and I would bond over watching movies together. And he told me that he would watch movies with me if I wanted. XD I told him I didn't really watch movies. I was into K-drama at the time. (Korean romance shows) and he said he would watch them with me, but I told him he wouldn't like to because they were too sappy. So instead we decided to watch a movie. It was Shanghai Noon, with Jackie Chan. Okay, so maybe it wasn't the most memorable movie ever. What was memorable was the way he asked me, and the way he sounded. He was very soft and tender. He had that sound to his voice that when a girl hears it, and when she knows it's meant for her, it makes her melt on the inside, and shiver on the out. That was the moment I started liking him. After a few more days of skyping, we finally admitted that we liked each other, but we didn't start being together just yet. Our love happy beginning was happy, but not perfect. There were so many doubts and insecurities that I had over the past relationship. So many wounds that to this day still bleed from time to time. Anyways, our happy beginning began on September 12th, on a Friday night. I was the one that initiare everything, and he told me it was my decision what the next step was. I said I wanted to be more than just friends. And in a heart-melting, spine tingling voice that only lovers share, he asked me "Katie... would you be my girlfriend?" I laid there in my bed, on my back, in the dark, and whispered "yes." From that point on we've had our ups and downs. He has never once caused a problem. It was the complete opposite compared to the last relationship. Whereas my ex was causing all the ups and downs, I was now the one that became that way with my SO. I had feelings for him, enough to want to be with him, and yet I still could not ignore the deep emotional damage that had been done to me. (That I had caused myself.) Everything about that past relationship was simply not meant to be. There's the kinds of connections that are karmic; instantanious and intense. It may sound cliche, but I'm going to quote the notebook: "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they all have one thing in common; they are shooting stars- a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone." And then there are the other kinds of connections built between two souls. The ones that happen slowly, sweetly, and innocently. The kind of connection that you want to build instead of the kind that hits you in the face. And it's those relationships, the kind that you're dedicated to building, and maintaining, I believe, that can stand the test of time and last forever. <3
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