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Honestly, this is a new thing for me.

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    #1

    Honestly, this is a new thing for me.

    Hi, I'm a newbie with a big problem.
    My SO lost his mother years back, I'm assuming to some disease and it was on Mothers Day, the anniversary of her death. Mothers Day is celebrated in different countries other than the USA all over the world.
    I just got word that his father passed, on the anniversary of his mother's passing.
    His dad was a great fella. He would visit my SO in Japan from the UK every holiday season and seemed like a right chap and a wonderful person. My SO would post pics of them in a pub having the time of their lives. I can only assume that it was a very sudden death because not a word was spoken by him about any illness. This is all I know so far and I guess he is making travel arrangements to go back to England for the services. He is an only child, just like I am and I put myself in his shoes. Being in a country far away, no brothers or sisters, it would make me feel like an orphan even though I am 40. My parents are still alive and I don't know what its like to lose a parent. Especially so suddenly and on a day such as that.
    Selfish me, I'm having doubts for the first time in two years about us. I cannot be there as I am food stamps poor and don't even have an updated passport. Also, I'm sure his wife will come to pay her respects. This is when the trust has to kick in and say "He loves you as much as you love him and you made a pact last April when we were together that we would wait as long as it takes to be together again and never cheat on one another. Is it silly of me to think that he would seek comfort in another woman's arms other than mine because I cannot be there physically?
    I am being overreactionary, arent I?
    Plus, I feel so sorry for him.
    Tags: death, fear, sad post, saddened
    #2
    I'm sorry to read of his loss. I hope it was a typo and you meant his ex-wife?
    LDR are difficult and that's why you should communicate with him and offer support (talking/listening, etc) as you are able to.
    Knowing that my SO is there to answer my phone call when I need him means the world to me.

    Comment

      #3
      I am sorry he has to go through that.

      My SO lost his father when he was 16, and he lost his only sister a few months before he met me. I know the grief is something he carries within him. I have lost all my grandparents, but my parents and siblings are still alive, I have lost a close friend though so I can in part relate to the pain. I try to strike a balance between letting him be and raising the issue to show that I care. I find that sometimes it is easier for him when I bring up his family history, and then he can decide if he wants to use the uppertunity to bring up his father or sister.

      When it comes to his wife, or ex-wife, I wouldn't worry about things happening in the funeral. Funerals are not sexy events.

      I hope you can arrange a visit soon. Even if you are poor, perhaps you can write his family a letter to show your support, I am sure it will be appreciated.
      Last edited by differentcountries; March 7, 2016, 09:47 AM.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        Yes, do you mean ex-wife? Also, I agree with everyone else. Funerals aren't really where you go to seek that type of comfort. I think he'd be too grief stricken to even think about that.

        My former SO lost his Dad, his Mom, his Uncle, and his Aunt (who was more like his mom than his actual mom) within 3 years of him coming home from Iraq after his deployment. My former SO's father was his superhero. He never got over it, even to this day. So, I understand that you're worried about your SO. My SO has/had 3 brothers (1 younger, 2 older) and a little sister, his oldest brother committed suicide when my SO was like 16 or so. But, because of all these tragedies, and how he grew up away from his family (his dad and mom separated when my SO was like 7 or 8), he's not close with his siblings at all. I was pretty much all he had when it came to support and love.

        I think maybe you are worried about nothing. If he's never given you a reason to doubt him before, why start now? As I said before, being with someone else is going to be the last thing on his mind, and I bet you'd be the one he's going to call to talk to and lean on. No one else.

        Comment

          #5
          Wife. Not ex-wife. I am not sure if they live or travel together. It's posted on her profile.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by sasad View Post
            Wife. Not ex-wife. I am not sure if they live or travel together. It's posted on her profile.
            Then...Uhhh. I don't know?

            Comment

              #7
              You "think" he is making plans? Has he spoken about anything like going back when and for how long? A lot of us go to different places and countries alone and feel like normal alone tourist. I don't think I have felt like an orphan... Also don't be fooled... Some of us with siblings feel like only children.
              I am surprised you don't know his plans. And does his wife know about you too?
              Last edited by sasad; March 8, 2016, 07:32 AM.

              Comment

                #8
                How are you worried about him cheating when you're literally the other woman? Also, a pact doesn't mean shit unless he has the divorce papers to back it up.

                He's going to a funeral for his father, so he's most likely going to only have the capacity to grieve and at least make amicable with everyone who goes to the funeral. He might only want to talk to people who actually knew his father and therefore understand the situation better, he might want to talk to anyone willing to listen, or he might not want to talk about it at all. The best thing you can do for him is to be there as an open line of communication; don't push him to talk about it if he doesn't want to, and don't try to act like you can relate more than you do. Basically, it's about him, so keep it about him and how he feels.

                Comment

                  #9
                  He remains married to keep his Japanese citizenship for living and working there. And I totally understand because he is attending the finest of professional schools in the world. It's his dream to become successful in the business, whereas my career of 20 years is at an end. He is on his way to settle his affairs and it sounds to me like his family descended upon his fathers house like a bunch of locusts to try and get at his fathers things, even his wallet. He called the local police and they are holding his dads wallet at the police station. It seems to me that he is more concentrating on settling his dads affairs than anything else. He's been in Japan for over three years teaching English and training. As it happens, he mentioned that his dad has money and he may be coming here before August if the funds allow. He's got a booking on the east coast, the Carolinas I think, and is making plans to come up to see me after his match. We shall have to wait and see what happens. I plan to bring up the whole wifey thing when he visits and again, I totally support him in his pro wrestling training and he turns to me for advice about the sport here in the USA. I was classically trained at Killer Kowalskis Institute of Professional Wrestling starting in 1992. I had quite a successful career in that and also an international theatrical rock band as a dancer and stuntwoman. I dont know how long he will be able to stay with
                  me in my house but we take what we can get. I hope that answers some of the weirdness of my LDR. If my life wasn't full of drama, then it wouldn't be my life.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    He's taking care of his dads affairs and catching up with friends. Went to the pub with a buddy, sent a pic. I think we're all good. He is shooting me short messages thinking of me and Ive been keeping up with all of my support. Frankly, I'm a bit nervous because of the weeks events involving bombing airports and a massive threat level raised in London. He's in Manchester, but obviously is flying out of London. He landed in Russia for the first leg of his trip on the way to London's Heathrow and I'm trying not to let some asinine people with bombs strapped to themselves freak me out too much. Not watching CNN or getting too involved with watching the news.
                    m

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