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    i'm yours...

    Well... it was an autumn evening in 2006 (as a matter of fact - exactly 4 years from today) ... and I remember seating there, in my favorite chatroom, being bored and very angry at life. one of the members called me into another room on the server (I was a chat server admin), where he was with a few friends discussing stuff - like music, and this one guy who was looking for a very beautiful song, which I happened to have i emailed it to him, we started talking, it happens so that both of our nicknames (not chat nicknames) were the same "Chortik" which in Russian means "little devil." he was funny and cute, I looked at his pictures - so~ not my type of a guy!!!! his style was ridiculous, and I made fun of him a lot, but he was getting more and more interesting. I asked for his number - wanted to hear the voice behind the honest words ( he was opening up about his childhood, some traumas, a lot in common with him). and then - it started!!! 8 hours a day on the phone , 12 hour difference did not even stop us, terrible phone bills didn't even worry us - we were in love!!! I've had such things a lot before, but this was different - I was blown away by his honesty - he has a disability , lost an eye as a kid, and that made him very vulnerable and very strong the very same time. This is a guy who quit school at the age of 14 and started working to prove everyone that he's not an invalid, a kid who never excelled in school by knows a little about everything. And me? I'm a bookworm, who learned everything from books, has been a student and a workaholic all her life. I was 21 , he was 24... it was already October 2nd - we were exclusive within weeks!
    I left USA in August of 2007 and moved back to Armenia where he is. got into university, got a job, he had already rented an apartment for us. The moment I landed in Yerevan and saw him in the clothes I've sent him before, it felt like we've know each other forever, like I was coming home from a business trip and this was my husband. We started living together within days - best 11 months of my entire life!!! my friends fell in love with him instantly, his family accepted me with no questions. This was a miracle to come true. I was working nights, going to school in the morning, cooking dinner in the afternoon and he was working 8-6 job. We were forgetting about our tiredness as soon as he was walking in that door. It was all hugs and kisses and smiles and more kisses. The sex was amazing!
    Then in 2008 it was time for me to come back in order for me not to lose my green card. It was a very difficult good-bye. we were so~ sure that i'll get my citizenship in a few months and then I'll be able to call him and we'll never be apart again. In the summr of 2009 my citizenship was rejected - I worked legally in Armenia while being a US resident , interrupting the continuity of my residence... I was mad, I didn't even cry, I had so~ much anger inside me. He was completely crushed! it breaks my heart just remembering how much pain he has in his voice every time I hear it. I can't apply for citizenship untill 2013 again...
    In December of 2009 I went to Armenia again for 3 weeks vocation, my heart fell in it's place as soon as we hugged in the airport, felt like we've never been apart (I can't even write this without crying). Amazing 3 weeks with family, friends, we had a lot of alone time also. We were really trying for a baby - I want to gift him a child that he wants so much. The day before my departure we got our marriage license.
    I came back to US , not pregnant and broke. I couldn't afford a lawyer to start his case w/ my green card - they all set the same price - $3000!!! I've been trying to save for that ever since January - no success! things keep happening where I have to take out my savings and his savings it's just heartbreaking!
    I work full-time, so does he. I also go to school and recently got a 2nd job - part-time. we have decided not to wait for the 3000$s to accumulate and just start the case alone without anyone, and instead of the lawyer money I'm going to go and visit him this winter (the original plans were next summer - but I can't live like this anymore!!!). It's terrible that he can't even come and visit - was denied on the tourist vise twice. I won't keep him here - we just want to get away - go see NY, visit Disneyland, go to the beach... and when I think how many illegal and unlawful people this country allows inside, i just want to go and scream at the INS building downtown Sacramento!
    Today is 4 years since we started talking to each other. we have another 4 years to go without living together (although I hope his visa will be approved sooner than that, but he has 0 hope).
    LDR is difficult , very hard, I don't know how other couples do it, I don't know how we do it, but it's being done and it's going to have a positive result no matter what!!! I've already given up my dreams of becoming a doctor, because I don't want to spent nights away from him during internships, anymore! We're giving up our young lives by just living so~ unsocialized lives - it's just work, school and phone/skype. I want to wake up and see him next to me every morning ... that's not so much to ask, is it?
    I wear his handmade jewelry around my neck and on my wrist. The pendant on my necklace has our pet-names for each other on it, it's in a shape of a spear pointing to my heart. My marriage/engagement rings are hanging from it and I always have it one besides when I sleep. My bracelet never comes of!!! he's always with me and he always will be!
    Thanks for reading! it meant a lot for me personally, since I know nobody else will understand this, besides YOU!

    #2
    I don't even know you and yet I have tears streaming down my cheeks. I think I have it soo hard...yet i read stories like this and my heart breaks. I look forward to hearing more from you...and yes...we all do understand...
    NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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