I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping a smile on my face without the help of the man I love. Usually writing helps me, so I thought I might go about typing up how we met, and became what we are. I’ve read a few other LDR stories that were written for the sake of making the writer feel better, so I thought I might try it. I hope it worked for them, just as I hope it works for me. This is going to be long, as I write for the full story, not to get it off my chest. (After note: I typed this up originally in Microsoft Word, and it’s about 3 pages long. I warned you it’d be lengthy!)
There’s a long chain of events that led me to meeting my SO, and several things that could have happened for us to meet earlier that didn’t. Whether it be a long chain of coincidences or not, it doesn’t matter. Everything started happening about 2 years ago, when I thought I was in love with my best friend. After he told me he was gay, I didn’t know if I could trust him because he didn’t trust me, and it broke my heart. I was a wreck for months. In order to get my act together, I decided to visit an old RP forum that I used to frequent a few years before that. The place was pretty much abandoned except for two people. I hung around, and grew close to the two of them. After the three of us had a huge falling out with the owner and moved sites, the three of us were invited to work on a large scale project. All three of us were writers and artisans, and could help in various ways with this project.
I’d been on the team for about six months or so, and had known my two friends from the RP site for about a year, when there was a new member introduced to the team. This didn’t happen often, so it was a bit of an event. The man that was introduced to us was 23 and happened to be a friend of one of the directors, and was very good with computers. Not only that, he was witty. Seeing a chance for some fun, we started chatting and pulling pranks on one another. I was the one who started the pranks him, but he was the one who started keeping track. Within a couple days, the score was Him:2 Me:1. It was quite a challenge trying to one-up him, and I spent a lot of my time trying to do so. Within a couple days, the score got around to Him:3 Me:7, and by that time we were already spending almost every free minute we had talking. A week or so more, and we started doing audio chats with Skype. Not too long after that, a friend of mine (who was also working on the project) inadvertently showed him a picture of me from about a year prior. He admitted to me that he thought I was really cute. That was the first time anyone, excluding family or close female friends, had ever said something like that. So… I blushed. Not that I admitted that to him. The picture he saw was one I wasn’t exactly proud of (I let one of my friends do my makeup, and she turned me emo for the day) so I sent him one of my Senior pictures from the previous September, a picture I actually liked. He told me that he believed in a mutual exchange, so he sent me a picture of him and his cat. I was expecting the stereotypical unemployed guy who lives with his parents but he wasn’t… he was ADORABLE. I told him so, and he said it was the cuteness of the cat giving that impression, but after he sent me a second picture without the cat, my verdict was the same. He wasn’t “OMG HOTT!!!” but he was oh so cute, in a handsome way.
Within a week or two of that day, he admitted that he liked me. Having gone through the whole “like or like like?” fiasco in Junior High and High School, I didn’t think much of it. On the first or second day after we had met, I told him that the only guys I become friends with always end up gay, and he said he’ll swear on any holy book I want him to that he isn’t. Well, a few days after he said he liked me, while we were on audio he said he had a confession to make, and that he was gay. I went dead silent, my mind flashing back to my best friend that I thought I had fallen in love with. After about 30 seconds of silence from my end, I heard him say “I was kidding.” I don’t remember what I said after that, but he asked if gays bothered me, or if it was just the fact that it ruined any hope of a relationship. Frantic, I answered quickly that it was neither, and quickly changed the subject. It was a Saturday, and usually he spends his Saturday evenings with a couple of his online buddies playing StarCraft. Right before I went to bed, I sent him a lengthy text from my phone to his AIM account how his “prank” earlier in the day really hurt. He took some of his game time to talk to me, and make sure I was alright, then asked if I wanted to stay up a little bit longer to talk to him after he was done with another round or two with his buddies. I really needed to get something off of my chest, so I agreed, and went about typing up everything that had happened to me with my best friend. He was the only one I ever told the entire story to, from start to end and everything after, and he felt really bad about his prank after he read it. He apologized, but my reason for telling him wasn’t to make him feel bad, but so that he would know. I also explained that my hasty answer earlier in the day wasn’t because I was uncomfortable, but because I was frantic and couldn’t think. I admitted to him then that it had bothered me so much because it did mean that there was no hope for a relationship. It was going on 1am at this point, but we talked a little bit more before he sent me off to bed. He said he liked me again, and this time I said it back with the same feeling because, truly, I did.
Over the next two months or so, we pursued the thought of having a relationship, but we would have to consider the fact that he was in Washington state, and I in Wisconsin. That, and the fact that he was 23, and I was only 18, that he’d most likely end up dying some years before I would, and that I’d have to think about that before diving in. I did think about it, and I knew what I wanted: Him. Most of this was discussed via text, but we did have the occasional Skype audio chat, and even ever once and a while we would do video. (The only images I have of him, save for the rare few he has sent me, are screenshots from our video chats. They can usually keep me smiling when he’s not around).
We continued like this, chatting, playing games, the occasional “I like you” or “I really like you” and things such as that. I knew I was falling in love with him, but for years I had always told myself that I would never say “I love you” first, and I held onto that. I’d never admit it before he did. On December 2, 2010, my wish came true. I was having a bad night, and went to bed in a terrible mood. He was the only thing that made me feel better, but even that wasn’t working. I had been texting his AIM account for about 10 minutes when it went silent for over 5. I thought he was out of the room, or that he was hoping I’d go to bed because it was getting late and he was keeping me up, but it wasn’t that. When my phone vibrated again, I opened the text to see “I love you” staring me in the face. He told me that he had felt that way for quite some time, but that he didn’t want to say it prematurely and get us both into a bad situation, but he was saying it then because he believe we could both move forward responsibly. I was in awe and shock for a good several minutes before I could shake myself out of a dream and say it back with more feeling than I thought I ever would have.
Ever since that day, we’ve told each other “I love you” every night before bed, just about every time I leave to go to class, and several times in between. I thought I was in love with my best friend those few years ago, but now I realize I was in love with the thought of loving him. Now I really am in love, and I never thought it could feel so good.
We’ve got so much going against us. We met online, there’s a 5 year age difference, my parents would never trust him because we met online, and we’re about 2,000 miles apart with no means of getting to each other (even for just a short visit). It’s painful knowing I can’t have him here, to hug him and hold him whenever one or both of us needs it, but I keep reminding myself that it’ll be worth it one day. One day. That’s what I keep telling myself. One day.
There’s a long chain of events that led me to meeting my SO, and several things that could have happened for us to meet earlier that didn’t. Whether it be a long chain of coincidences or not, it doesn’t matter. Everything started happening about 2 years ago, when I thought I was in love with my best friend. After he told me he was gay, I didn’t know if I could trust him because he didn’t trust me, and it broke my heart. I was a wreck for months. In order to get my act together, I decided to visit an old RP forum that I used to frequent a few years before that. The place was pretty much abandoned except for two people. I hung around, and grew close to the two of them. After the three of us had a huge falling out with the owner and moved sites, the three of us were invited to work on a large scale project. All three of us were writers and artisans, and could help in various ways with this project.
I’d been on the team for about six months or so, and had known my two friends from the RP site for about a year, when there was a new member introduced to the team. This didn’t happen often, so it was a bit of an event. The man that was introduced to us was 23 and happened to be a friend of one of the directors, and was very good with computers. Not only that, he was witty. Seeing a chance for some fun, we started chatting and pulling pranks on one another. I was the one who started the pranks him, but he was the one who started keeping track. Within a couple days, the score was Him:2 Me:1. It was quite a challenge trying to one-up him, and I spent a lot of my time trying to do so. Within a couple days, the score got around to Him:3 Me:7, and by that time we were already spending almost every free minute we had talking. A week or so more, and we started doing audio chats with Skype. Not too long after that, a friend of mine (who was also working on the project) inadvertently showed him a picture of me from about a year prior. He admitted to me that he thought I was really cute. That was the first time anyone, excluding family or close female friends, had ever said something like that. So… I blushed. Not that I admitted that to him. The picture he saw was one I wasn’t exactly proud of (I let one of my friends do my makeup, and she turned me emo for the day) so I sent him one of my Senior pictures from the previous September, a picture I actually liked. He told me that he believed in a mutual exchange, so he sent me a picture of him and his cat. I was expecting the stereotypical unemployed guy who lives with his parents but he wasn’t… he was ADORABLE. I told him so, and he said it was the cuteness of the cat giving that impression, but after he sent me a second picture without the cat, my verdict was the same. He wasn’t “OMG HOTT!!!” but he was oh so cute, in a handsome way.
Within a week or two of that day, he admitted that he liked me. Having gone through the whole “like or like like?” fiasco in Junior High and High School, I didn’t think much of it. On the first or second day after we had met, I told him that the only guys I become friends with always end up gay, and he said he’ll swear on any holy book I want him to that he isn’t. Well, a few days after he said he liked me, while we were on audio he said he had a confession to make, and that he was gay. I went dead silent, my mind flashing back to my best friend that I thought I had fallen in love with. After about 30 seconds of silence from my end, I heard him say “I was kidding.” I don’t remember what I said after that, but he asked if gays bothered me, or if it was just the fact that it ruined any hope of a relationship. Frantic, I answered quickly that it was neither, and quickly changed the subject. It was a Saturday, and usually he spends his Saturday evenings with a couple of his online buddies playing StarCraft. Right before I went to bed, I sent him a lengthy text from my phone to his AIM account how his “prank” earlier in the day really hurt. He took some of his game time to talk to me, and make sure I was alright, then asked if I wanted to stay up a little bit longer to talk to him after he was done with another round or two with his buddies. I really needed to get something off of my chest, so I agreed, and went about typing up everything that had happened to me with my best friend. He was the only one I ever told the entire story to, from start to end and everything after, and he felt really bad about his prank after he read it. He apologized, but my reason for telling him wasn’t to make him feel bad, but so that he would know. I also explained that my hasty answer earlier in the day wasn’t because I was uncomfortable, but because I was frantic and couldn’t think. I admitted to him then that it had bothered me so much because it did mean that there was no hope for a relationship. It was going on 1am at this point, but we talked a little bit more before he sent me off to bed. He said he liked me again, and this time I said it back with the same feeling because, truly, I did.
Over the next two months or so, we pursued the thought of having a relationship, but we would have to consider the fact that he was in Washington state, and I in Wisconsin. That, and the fact that he was 23, and I was only 18, that he’d most likely end up dying some years before I would, and that I’d have to think about that before diving in. I did think about it, and I knew what I wanted: Him. Most of this was discussed via text, but we did have the occasional Skype audio chat, and even ever once and a while we would do video. (The only images I have of him, save for the rare few he has sent me, are screenshots from our video chats. They can usually keep me smiling when he’s not around).
We continued like this, chatting, playing games, the occasional “I like you” or “I really like you” and things such as that. I knew I was falling in love with him, but for years I had always told myself that I would never say “I love you” first, and I held onto that. I’d never admit it before he did. On December 2, 2010, my wish came true. I was having a bad night, and went to bed in a terrible mood. He was the only thing that made me feel better, but even that wasn’t working. I had been texting his AIM account for about 10 minutes when it went silent for over 5. I thought he was out of the room, or that he was hoping I’d go to bed because it was getting late and he was keeping me up, but it wasn’t that. When my phone vibrated again, I opened the text to see “I love you” staring me in the face. He told me that he had felt that way for quite some time, but that he didn’t want to say it prematurely and get us both into a bad situation, but he was saying it then because he believe we could both move forward responsibly. I was in awe and shock for a good several minutes before I could shake myself out of a dream and say it back with more feeling than I thought I ever would have.
Ever since that day, we’ve told each other “I love you” every night before bed, just about every time I leave to go to class, and several times in between. I thought I was in love with my best friend those few years ago, but now I realize I was in love with the thought of loving him. Now I really am in love, and I never thought it could feel so good.
We’ve got so much going against us. We met online, there’s a 5 year age difference, my parents would never trust him because we met online, and we’re about 2,000 miles apart with no means of getting to each other (even for just a short visit). It’s painful knowing I can’t have him here, to hug him and hold him whenever one or both of us needs it, but I keep reminding myself that it’ll be worth it one day. One day. That’s what I keep telling myself. One day.
sometimes, that's all you need
Like you, I'm also 19 and my SO is 5 years older than me. We also met online. I know how people react when they know that you met your SO online. It could be harsh at times, but at least there are people who would understand and are happy for you. 
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