From NY to Australia + an inevitable 5 years apart

[moohoo]

Hi everyone,

I've been feeling pretty down about my LDR the past few days and I stumbled upon this forum. Reading all these stories has really given me some hope and it's always so comforting to know that there are others out there experiencing the same things I am.

Anyway, so here's my story: My SO and I met in Tokyo when we were both studying abroad with the same program. We clicked immediately and began going out about 3 weeks into the program, and our time in Japan was probably some of the happiest of my life. He lives in Hong Kong, but went to college in Vermont while I went to college in upstate New York. The distance was completely manageable as it was only about a 1:40 drive apart.

But now, we've both graduated and he has just moved to Sydney, Australia for veterinary studies and I work in NYC. We are 9935 miles apart and have a 14 hour time difference. I visited him just last week on a one week trip to Australia, but before that, we hadn't seen each other for an entire year. Unfortunately, on the very last day of the trip I broke down crying from frustration/impending loneliness/the impossibility of managing an extreme LDR. A flight from NY to Australia is about 21 hours and it's also extremely pricey... in addition, the vet program is 5 years long and he just began this February. And one more critical detail: his parents don't know about me. They are extremely strict people and my SO is afraid that if they knew about us, they would try to break us apart.

So the above is basically all the reasons I am a little depressed and little lost right now. We've discussed our relationship and agreed that 5 years is a very long wait and we are just beginning our careers and shouldn't let our relationship with each other affect our professional pursuits - we're both on very different paths right now, and nothing is for certain. Maybe I won't stay in NYC and he is most likely not staying in Australia after graduation. In 5 years, we'll both already be 28 and with his schedule it's extremely hard to pinpoint when we'll see each other again - it could be another whole year.

We love each other immensely but have decided not to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for the time being to relieve the pressure a little. We still talk to each other all the time and say 'I love yous.' Yeah, it's a bit complicated... but I really, really do not want to be beaten by this long distance!!!

Thanks in advance, everyone, for hearing me out I welcome any words of advice/hope/reality checks

[Jonesonaboat]

Just take each day as it comes. All that's between the two of you is a little thing called time. Just try not to think of the long term, just take one day at a time.

[jenny_ell]

i am always sad to hear about people from us/to Australia. i feel for you, a lot. my SO is in england which i thought is hard and i only see him every 3 months or so but i can't imagine Australia. if you love each other a lot then you shouldn't let distance keep you apart. if there is any possible way you could make the move to Australia then maybe you can give in and make the move. its hard but nothing good in life comes easy right if you do feel like it is too much pressure on your careers then maybe you can consider taking things like you already seem like you are which is good. skyping a lot helps and keeping in touch everyday and having a mutual agreement on things as well.

good luck!

[BlueCat]

Hey, I can understand your pain/feelings of loneliness etc. I'm in Adelaide, Australia, and my SO is located in Florida. So there's a bit of distance there. We originally met online and met in person from there, so our situation is slightly different but there's still a lot of similarities. I've found, that if you can't visit often, it's best to try and make your visits as long as possible. With the prices of flights etc, you need to make the most out of the money, and it's easier to spend quality time together if you have some time to settle in before you have to leave again. I can't imagine a visit only a week long, our shortest one was about 2 months. I'm not sure what your work/study situation is at the moment, but it may be worth saving up for longer in order to have a longer visit. From what I've read, it seems it might be a little early to think about moving, but make the most of your current situation and work through it as it comes.

I've been with mine for almost 5 years (since we first met) and in my upcoming visit (end of July) we're planning on figuring out what our next step is, because neither of us wants to be doing the distance anymore as it's just too great and too infrequent that we get to visit and it's not reflecting well on either of us. If you're prepared for what you may have to go through in the future and can accept that, then that's a great step forward and if you're both committed to the situation then there's nothing more you can ask for. Just do your best, support each other and make the most of your visits. Where there is a will, there's a way.

[Lina]

Just take each day as it comes. All that's between the two of you is a little thing called time. Just try not to think of the long term, just take one day at a time.

Your words really made me think less about the long time I have to wait until meeting my SO. Wise advice