For me to possibly explain everything that lead up to today, it would be a 700 page book. As much as I promise that the story line is full of suspense, antagonists, cliff hangers and drama all of which are New York Best Seller worthy, I'm sure that the majority of you don't have the time to read the story of my relationship. If you do, well I guess you'll have to pm me. So since at the time, I don't feel like writing a 700 page book, and I'm sure you don't feel like reading it, I'm going to skip forward to chapter 17
... and they lived happily ever after.
I had just packed up the last of my suitcase and walked over to join Andrew on his bamboo bed. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world; just a flat bamboo woven mat on top of a bed frame and some pieces of ply wood to hold it up. I sat there for a second and listened to the absence of silence. For the past 4 months, I had gotten used to this. Even Hangzhou, which was roughly 14 million people smaller than Shanghai, was full of sounds; cars honking, bikes driving by, the voice of the lady telling the people on the bus that they were approaching their stop. But right now, all I wanted was silence, I wanted to lay beside Andrew and cherish this moment with him, yet I couldn't get comfortable. Maybe if the room wasn't so hot, maybe if the bed wasn't so hard, maybe if the city outside wasn't so loud I could get comfortable; but I knew in all reality that even if those distractions didn't exist, there would still be the one, the biggest distraction of all... the conversation.
The conversation hadn't exactly gone as I had wished it would. Instead of knowing that I would no longer be ten thousand miles away from my heart, I now was plagued with serious doubt. What had started out being a long distance relationship that would only last for 6-9 month had already turned into a year and and four months, and now Andrew had told me that he was almost positive that he would sign another contract with the school that he worked for. That meant that it wouldn't just be a year and four months, it would be two years and four months. I wasn't even sure if I would have been able to get through this past year if it hadn't been for a temporary close in the distance. But a whole year apart? After a whole year minus 4 months apart? I simply wasn't sure how much longer I could take this. The whole idea of him staying another year had plagued me ever since i got off the train from Shanghai. Was this it? Could our relationship really withstand another year of this? Of not seeing each other? I just didn't know anymore.
I convinced myself to be strong. In my head I told myself, you've done this already, everything has been fine, and you can get through another year.
"We've already done one year." I said finally though the noise from the street outside.
"I know, it'll be hard, but I think we can do it, I'm willing to try," he said and as he did, he reached over and put his arm around me. We sat there for a while holding each other. It would only be two months before we saw each other again, but the idea that the month of September may possibly be the last time we saw each other for an entire year scared both of us. So there we sat with our arms around each other. Eventually, we fell asleep, still holding each other.
The next morning, we woke up at 6:30. Andrew carried my suitcases down the 5 flights of stairs and we walked out to the busy road to catch a taxi. As we waited for a taxi to stop, I turned around and looked at ban dan hao, Andrew's home; it was the last time I would see this place. Eventually, a taxi driver stopped, "qu na li?" he said.
"Hua chu zhan" I said back to him. He nodded, and opened the trunk of the cab for us to put my luggage into. Andrew opened the door of the taxi and I got in and he followed. On the way to the train station, I leaned my head on Andrew's shoulder, trying hard to fight back the tears.
Finally, after a fender bender and switching taxis, we arrived at the Hangzhou Train Station and I was one step closer to saying goodbye to China and to Andrew. As we rode on the train towards Shanghai, Andrew and I played Phase 10 on my iphone, it was distracting and for a few minutes I was able to forget about the conversation that had happened several nights before, but as soon as the train slowed down and enter the Shanghai Hongqiao Railway station, the conversation crept back to the front of my memory. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to get off the train, it was too hard to say goodbye again, but I tried to be strong and as we got off the terminal and hailed a taxi, we hugged each other. I didn't want to let go of him, I wished that handcuffs and could hand cuff him to me and throw away the key. I hated saying goodbye, especially to him. But finally, I had to let go and as I did, I looked in his eyes, "Bye." I said to him.
"I love you," he said back, "I'll talk to you on skype when you get home."
There it was again, Skype, I hated Skype, I still do. Skype is for people who can't actually talk to each other in person, as a friend once told me, Skype is a list of all the friends who no longer live near you...
"I'll talk to you later, I love you too," I said back to him and got into the taxi, alone once again.
As I rode to the Shanghai PuDong International Airport, I looked out the window of the taxi, taking in the last view of the place that i had learned to call "wo de jia" for the last four months. I didn't cry, although I wanted to. Aside from missing Andrew, I was also going to miss Shanghai. It was only when I had finally started getting used to the city that I had to return to boring Youngstown, Ohio. I didn't want to, everything that I loved was here, including Andrew.
Eventually, I was on the plane and flying back to the United States. At first, I watched a few movies, finished watching the last episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and listened to some songs but eventually, I changed my personal television to the screen that showed the flight progress. As I looked at it, I realized that it was starting to get dark back in Shanghai and Hangzhou, I had already been gone for 8 hours. I stared at the screen and my mind started dwelling on those 8 hours... what was Andrew doing now? Was he just getting off work? Soon it was 9 hours, and then 10, and then it was the middle of the night in China. As I started to think about it, I realized just how far away he actually was; how far away Shanghai was. And then i realized it; I can't call him anymore, I'm not in the same time zone, when he goes to sleep, I'm not going to sleep. The whole thing was just too much to handle, and I couldn't, I didn't want to, I wanted to be close to him again, even if it was still 320 kilometers, it was better than 7500 miles. I could no longer hold it in, my emotions had got the best of me. I stared at the little television, and through my tears I watched the little plane move across Russia and the Bearing Straight.
Sixteen hours and what seemed like a gallon of tears later, the plane landed in Newark, New Jersey. It would be a whole 2 months before I saw the love of my life again. The reality that I had avoided for the past 4 months had come crashing back into me like a hard wave during high tide. Sure, I was happy to see my friends and family, but half of my heart was still 7500 miles away in Hangzhou, China.
Over the next few weeks, I busied myself with finding a job and an apartment. Among other things, I wasn't experiencing the "culture shock" that everyone had warned me about. Luckily, a week after I had returned home, Andrew's best friend Aaron also returned home from a 6 week visit to Hangzhou. Aaron and I shared stories and practiced our Chinese with each other in hopes of helping each other avoid the culture shock that we were sure we would face. The first week of August I spent at my parents house recovering from having my wisdom teeth out. Because of the surgery, I had no motivation to even get up and get my computer until the fourth day after. As I checked my facebook, I saw a status that made my heart jump. Andrew had gotten his plane ticket, and it was for August 23rd. It was two weeks before I had thought he would have come home, and I was excited to see him earlier.
... and they lived happily ever after.
I had just packed up the last of my suitcase and walked over to join Andrew on his bamboo bed. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world; just a flat bamboo woven mat on top of a bed frame and some pieces of ply wood to hold it up. I sat there for a second and listened to the absence of silence. For the past 4 months, I had gotten used to this. Even Hangzhou, which was roughly 14 million people smaller than Shanghai, was full of sounds; cars honking, bikes driving by, the voice of the lady telling the people on the bus that they were approaching their stop. But right now, all I wanted was silence, I wanted to lay beside Andrew and cherish this moment with him, yet I couldn't get comfortable. Maybe if the room wasn't so hot, maybe if the bed wasn't so hard, maybe if the city outside wasn't so loud I could get comfortable; but I knew in all reality that even if those distractions didn't exist, there would still be the one, the biggest distraction of all... the conversation.
The conversation hadn't exactly gone as I had wished it would. Instead of knowing that I would no longer be ten thousand miles away from my heart, I now was plagued with serious doubt. What had started out being a long distance relationship that would only last for 6-9 month had already turned into a year and and four months, and now Andrew had told me that he was almost positive that he would sign another contract with the school that he worked for. That meant that it wouldn't just be a year and four months, it would be two years and four months. I wasn't even sure if I would have been able to get through this past year if it hadn't been for a temporary close in the distance. But a whole year apart? After a whole year minus 4 months apart? I simply wasn't sure how much longer I could take this. The whole idea of him staying another year had plagued me ever since i got off the train from Shanghai. Was this it? Could our relationship really withstand another year of this? Of not seeing each other? I just didn't know anymore.
I convinced myself to be strong. In my head I told myself, you've done this already, everything has been fine, and you can get through another year.
"We've already done one year." I said finally though the noise from the street outside.
"I know, it'll be hard, but I think we can do it, I'm willing to try," he said and as he did, he reached over and put his arm around me. We sat there for a while holding each other. It would only be two months before we saw each other again, but the idea that the month of September may possibly be the last time we saw each other for an entire year scared both of us. So there we sat with our arms around each other. Eventually, we fell asleep, still holding each other.
The next morning, we woke up at 6:30. Andrew carried my suitcases down the 5 flights of stairs and we walked out to the busy road to catch a taxi. As we waited for a taxi to stop, I turned around and looked at ban dan hao, Andrew's home; it was the last time I would see this place. Eventually, a taxi driver stopped, "qu na li?" he said.
"Hua chu zhan" I said back to him. He nodded, and opened the trunk of the cab for us to put my luggage into. Andrew opened the door of the taxi and I got in and he followed. On the way to the train station, I leaned my head on Andrew's shoulder, trying hard to fight back the tears.
Finally, after a fender bender and switching taxis, we arrived at the Hangzhou Train Station and I was one step closer to saying goodbye to China and to Andrew. As we rode on the train towards Shanghai, Andrew and I played Phase 10 on my iphone, it was distracting and for a few minutes I was able to forget about the conversation that had happened several nights before, but as soon as the train slowed down and enter the Shanghai Hongqiao Railway station, the conversation crept back to the front of my memory. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to get off the train, it was too hard to say goodbye again, but I tried to be strong and as we got off the terminal and hailed a taxi, we hugged each other. I didn't want to let go of him, I wished that handcuffs and could hand cuff him to me and throw away the key. I hated saying goodbye, especially to him. But finally, I had to let go and as I did, I looked in his eyes, "Bye." I said to him.
"I love you," he said back, "I'll talk to you on skype when you get home."
There it was again, Skype, I hated Skype, I still do. Skype is for people who can't actually talk to each other in person, as a friend once told me, Skype is a list of all the friends who no longer live near you...
"I'll talk to you later, I love you too," I said back to him and got into the taxi, alone once again.
As I rode to the Shanghai PuDong International Airport, I looked out the window of the taxi, taking in the last view of the place that i had learned to call "wo de jia" for the last four months. I didn't cry, although I wanted to. Aside from missing Andrew, I was also going to miss Shanghai. It was only when I had finally started getting used to the city that I had to return to boring Youngstown, Ohio. I didn't want to, everything that I loved was here, including Andrew.
Eventually, I was on the plane and flying back to the United States. At first, I watched a few movies, finished watching the last episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and listened to some songs but eventually, I changed my personal television to the screen that showed the flight progress. As I looked at it, I realized that it was starting to get dark back in Shanghai and Hangzhou, I had already been gone for 8 hours. I stared at the screen and my mind started dwelling on those 8 hours... what was Andrew doing now? Was he just getting off work? Soon it was 9 hours, and then 10, and then it was the middle of the night in China. As I started to think about it, I realized just how far away he actually was; how far away Shanghai was. And then i realized it; I can't call him anymore, I'm not in the same time zone, when he goes to sleep, I'm not going to sleep. The whole thing was just too much to handle, and I couldn't, I didn't want to, I wanted to be close to him again, even if it was still 320 kilometers, it was better than 7500 miles. I could no longer hold it in, my emotions had got the best of me. I stared at the little television, and through my tears I watched the little plane move across Russia and the Bearing Straight.
Sixteen hours and what seemed like a gallon of tears later, the plane landed in Newark, New Jersey. It would be a whole 2 months before I saw the love of my life again. The reality that I had avoided for the past 4 months had come crashing back into me like a hard wave during high tide. Sure, I was happy to see my friends and family, but half of my heart was still 7500 miles away in Hangzhou, China.
Over the next few weeks, I busied myself with finding a job and an apartment. Among other things, I wasn't experiencing the "culture shock" that everyone had warned me about. Luckily, a week after I had returned home, Andrew's best friend Aaron also returned home from a 6 week visit to Hangzhou. Aaron and I shared stories and practiced our Chinese with each other in hopes of helping each other avoid the culture shock that we were sure we would face. The first week of August I spent at my parents house recovering from having my wisdom teeth out. Because of the surgery, I had no motivation to even get up and get my computer until the fourth day after. As I checked my facebook, I saw a status that made my heart jump. Andrew had gotten his plane ticket, and it was for August 23rd. It was two weeks before I had thought he would have come home, and I was excited to see him earlier.
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