Hey guys,
I'm just looking for some inputs and opinions. My SO and I have been talking about closing the distance a lot here in the past couple weeks. We discussed me starting school here in a few weeks and that I was looking at right under a years worth of schooling. She told me that she expected school to be about a year long for me and that she would stick by my side and support me the whole way through. I have told her that I'm looking at least a year of school, at least 6 months to a year, If not closer to a year and a half or two... Of probation/being the rookie and being at the mercy and beck and call of getting the crap end of the stick as far as when overtime and double shifts pop up. I'm sure I'll be at the top of the list of the first ones that will be called in and expected to work with no "if, and, or but" about it if I want to keep my job. As I see it, I'm kind of figuring I'll have to be "in" for at least a good 2-3 years before I can get any kind of pull as far as vacation and time off requests go. She understands all of this and is being SOOO supportive, optimistic, and understanding about it all. I have a break in between the 2 school semesters, I'm not sure how long that break is... But I would imagine I would at least get a week or two off, although I'm not really positive so don't quote me on that. But I'm hoping that on my break we can arrange a visit.
We pretty much have our plans set. We know that this was meant to be and once I get through school, We really would like to look into closing the distance and getting married. We both agree that due to her circumstances and priorities at home as far as helping take care of her dad... It would be easiest for me to move back to her. Although we haven't come to a firm final decision... We're talking about it very seriously, exploring all options, and feeling each other out as far as what I would think about moving back to Carolina and what she would think of moving to Nebraska. We're both very open to each of us making the move. As I said, As open as we both are... Due to her family circumstances and being a big part in the care of her dad, I will most likely be the one to make the move back to her, and honestly? That's perfectly fine with me...
Getting to my main point and where I would really like everybody's advice and opinion. My mom and dad have been super supportive and understanding about my relationship with Carrie. They think it's awesome and just want me to be happy. My grandma? Ehh, She's old fashion and just now trying to figure out how LDR's work and what they're all about. She's one of those "You gotta be around them all the time.", "You have to be able to actually spend time together and get to know each other.", and "You have to be near one another and actually SEE them for it to work out." people. But back to the original task at hand... The only issue I'm starting to forsee arising... I've told this story on here in my introductory post and hundreds of other times to people on the other various forums I'm a part of who were curious. So I'll just point out the important details... We lived in Carolina under bad circumstances, and we left under horrible circumstances with my uncle, but filled with optimism about coming back here to Nebraska. We had a family falling out and it got ugly. When we got to Carolina and realized we had been lied to and told a bunch of fairy tales... My dad, and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and that he really didn't mean to do it.. But when things were pretty much at the in between point where we were going to milk the situation in Carolina for as long as possible and knowing that we were only prolonging the inevitable because my dad was being such a wuss about moving again, we were falling apart as a family.. We were all yelling and screaming at each other constantly and one of those times my dad and I got into a heated discussion and he pretty much put his finger in my face and said "You're the one who caused all of this to happen! YOU'RE the ONE who WANTED to come here."... I'm feeling slightly worried that if I tell my parents, as supportive as they've been... and I'll give kudos to my old man when kudos are necessary, he definitely deserves them. He's been AWESOME and SO supportive and even interested in my relationship with Carrie, and that alone... Along with of course the never ending support and love I get from my mother... Means the WORLD to me. I'm just worried that even though everything is cool now and my parents are more than happy and cool with the fact that I want to fly and visit Carrie whenever I can and that I want her to fly and visit me whenever she can, I'm worried that when it comes time to tell them "Hey... I really like her. I'm 100% positive that she's the one I'm meant to be with and spend the rest of my life with. I'm planning on moving back to be with her in a few years..." that ALL HELL is going to break loose and I'm going to get another guilt trip... I'll hear how I hated it there the first time, I hated Nebraska the first time, Which we wont get into that... I'm just going to say me hating Nebraska came entirely out of my old man's mouth and that it was an attempt to tear me down and make me feel guilty for his own guilt eating him alive. And finally the big one, I'll hear I hated South Carolina, Hated Florida, I'm happy to be back, but now all of a sudden after they've spent ALL of this MONEY (my dad is freaking money obsessed...), 4 separate times on 4 separate moves... That I'm choosing to move BACK to South Carolina and that had he known this while we were still in Florida, He'll end up telling me that he wouldn't of bothered moving back to Nebraska and just would of stayed in Florida and been content or he'll say something like "Well had you met her sooner, maybe we wouldn't of had to of moved back to Nebraska!! I would of just stayed if I knew you were going to fall in love with somebody there cause I didn't want to move again or work anymore anyway!" Again, we won't get into that any more than I've already gotten into it, because then it becomes a little to over personal for me.
Maybe I'm wrong... Maybe he'll be supportive and cool about the situation. I mean I am only getting ready to turn 20... I've still got my entire life ahead of me. They can't nor should they expect that I'm going to stay in ONE spot for the REST of my life. Maybe they'll be supportive and just like when I finally told them about my relationship with Carrie maybe I'll be lucky enough to get another smooth sailing "As long as your happy, then we're happy and will support you the whole way through." But then there's always the small "if" what if they're not supportive? Or what if at least my dad wasn't supportive? Not that I would really care, I hate to be selfish... But I'm at a point in life where I want to be happy for myself and do things in my own life that make me happy, instead of always a family setting or what everybody else wants me to do because their idea of happiness is different then mine. But again it's that small "if"... What IF it lead to a blow up between my dad and I, like South Carolina originally lead my entire family to? What if he overreacts and tells me "whatever, do what you want!" which honestly, again... I don't care what anybody else thinks or says at this point. I'm happy and I know what I want and that's all that matters to me. I'm just worried that there COULD not saying there will, but there COULD be a nasty blow up and in that case... Not that I have a bunch of stuff. But I could see my dads response being "I helped you take your bedroom set downstairs to your room, you have fun breaking your back and killing yourself while dragging that dresser, mirror, chest of drawers, end table, and bed upstairs, down the steps into the garage and loading it into a truck all by yourself!" Other than my bedroom set and when it came time to empty my dresser, wardrobe, and chest of drawers... I'd have maybe 6-7 boxes at the most. Then when I moved, I would just plan on getting a small furnished apartment as close to her as possible until her and I were ready to venture into getting our own place. I mean it's not like I'm going to be asking my old man to fund my move... I'm not... We've done this moving crap more times in 2 years, than most people do in a freaking life time, at least it seems that way.. But I'm not asking him to fund my move, that would be expensive and it's not his responsibility or problem.. We've dumped thousands upon thousands upon thousands with all the moving around we've done in the past 2 years... But in the same instance, While living in Florida all those months at my brothers house temporarily until we secured our place here in Nebraska. My dad spent thousands upon thousands upon thousands, and I mean this literally... He spent thousands of dollars fixing my brothers house AGAIN for the fourth time when SURPRISE SURPRISE, his P-O-S tenants trashed it for the past year they were living there just like all the other tenants have done that my brother's had... And guess who spent the money to bail him out of trouble because he didn't care? That's right!! Mommy and Daddy!
Just like when I was first deciding on how and when to break the news to my parents about me being in a LDR... I'm HOPING for the best and hoping they'll just continue to see how extremely happy she makes me, and support me in my decision. But, I'm EXPECTING to get torn to pieces and to be yelled at, screamed at, argued with, and guilt tripped just like before.
I'm just looking for some inputs and opinions. My SO and I have been talking about closing the distance a lot here in the past couple weeks. We discussed me starting school here in a few weeks and that I was looking at right under a years worth of schooling. She told me that she expected school to be about a year long for me and that she would stick by my side and support me the whole way through. I have told her that I'm looking at least a year of school, at least 6 months to a year, If not closer to a year and a half or two... Of probation/being the rookie and being at the mercy and beck and call of getting the crap end of the stick as far as when overtime and double shifts pop up. I'm sure I'll be at the top of the list of the first ones that will be called in and expected to work with no "if, and, or but" about it if I want to keep my job. As I see it, I'm kind of figuring I'll have to be "in" for at least a good 2-3 years before I can get any kind of pull as far as vacation and time off requests go. She understands all of this and is being SOOO supportive, optimistic, and understanding about it all. I have a break in between the 2 school semesters, I'm not sure how long that break is... But I would imagine I would at least get a week or two off, although I'm not really positive so don't quote me on that. But I'm hoping that on my break we can arrange a visit.
We pretty much have our plans set. We know that this was meant to be and once I get through school, We really would like to look into closing the distance and getting married. We both agree that due to her circumstances and priorities at home as far as helping take care of her dad... It would be easiest for me to move back to her. Although we haven't come to a firm final decision... We're talking about it very seriously, exploring all options, and feeling each other out as far as what I would think about moving back to Carolina and what she would think of moving to Nebraska. We're both very open to each of us making the move. As I said, As open as we both are... Due to her family circumstances and being a big part in the care of her dad, I will most likely be the one to make the move back to her, and honestly? That's perfectly fine with me...
Getting to my main point and where I would really like everybody's advice and opinion. My mom and dad have been super supportive and understanding about my relationship with Carrie. They think it's awesome and just want me to be happy. My grandma? Ehh, She's old fashion and just now trying to figure out how LDR's work and what they're all about. She's one of those "You gotta be around them all the time.", "You have to be able to actually spend time together and get to know each other.", and "You have to be near one another and actually SEE them for it to work out." people. But back to the original task at hand... The only issue I'm starting to forsee arising... I've told this story on here in my introductory post and hundreds of other times to people on the other various forums I'm a part of who were curious. So I'll just point out the important details... We lived in Carolina under bad circumstances, and we left under horrible circumstances with my uncle, but filled with optimism about coming back here to Nebraska. We had a family falling out and it got ugly. When we got to Carolina and realized we had been lied to and told a bunch of fairy tales... My dad, and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and that he really didn't mean to do it.. But when things were pretty much at the in between point where we were going to milk the situation in Carolina for as long as possible and knowing that we were only prolonging the inevitable because my dad was being such a wuss about moving again, we were falling apart as a family.. We were all yelling and screaming at each other constantly and one of those times my dad and I got into a heated discussion and he pretty much put his finger in my face and said "You're the one who caused all of this to happen! YOU'RE the ONE who WANTED to come here."... I'm feeling slightly worried that if I tell my parents, as supportive as they've been... and I'll give kudos to my old man when kudos are necessary, he definitely deserves them. He's been AWESOME and SO supportive and even interested in my relationship with Carrie, and that alone... Along with of course the never ending support and love I get from my mother... Means the WORLD to me. I'm just worried that even though everything is cool now and my parents are more than happy and cool with the fact that I want to fly and visit Carrie whenever I can and that I want her to fly and visit me whenever she can, I'm worried that when it comes time to tell them "Hey... I really like her. I'm 100% positive that she's the one I'm meant to be with and spend the rest of my life with. I'm planning on moving back to be with her in a few years..." that ALL HELL is going to break loose and I'm going to get another guilt trip... I'll hear how I hated it there the first time, I hated Nebraska the first time, Which we wont get into that... I'm just going to say me hating Nebraska came entirely out of my old man's mouth and that it was an attempt to tear me down and make me feel guilty for his own guilt eating him alive. And finally the big one, I'll hear I hated South Carolina, Hated Florida, I'm happy to be back, but now all of a sudden after they've spent ALL of this MONEY (my dad is freaking money obsessed...), 4 separate times on 4 separate moves... That I'm choosing to move BACK to South Carolina and that had he known this while we were still in Florida, He'll end up telling me that he wouldn't of bothered moving back to Nebraska and just would of stayed in Florida and been content or he'll say something like "Well had you met her sooner, maybe we wouldn't of had to of moved back to Nebraska!! I would of just stayed if I knew you were going to fall in love with somebody there cause I didn't want to move again or work anymore anyway!" Again, we won't get into that any more than I've already gotten into it, because then it becomes a little to over personal for me.
Maybe I'm wrong... Maybe he'll be supportive and cool about the situation. I mean I am only getting ready to turn 20... I've still got my entire life ahead of me. They can't nor should they expect that I'm going to stay in ONE spot for the REST of my life. Maybe they'll be supportive and just like when I finally told them about my relationship with Carrie maybe I'll be lucky enough to get another smooth sailing "As long as your happy, then we're happy and will support you the whole way through." But then there's always the small "if" what if they're not supportive? Or what if at least my dad wasn't supportive? Not that I would really care, I hate to be selfish... But I'm at a point in life where I want to be happy for myself and do things in my own life that make me happy, instead of always a family setting or what everybody else wants me to do because their idea of happiness is different then mine. But again it's that small "if"... What IF it lead to a blow up between my dad and I, like South Carolina originally lead my entire family to? What if he overreacts and tells me "whatever, do what you want!" which honestly, again... I don't care what anybody else thinks or says at this point. I'm happy and I know what I want and that's all that matters to me. I'm just worried that there COULD not saying there will, but there COULD be a nasty blow up and in that case... Not that I have a bunch of stuff. But I could see my dads response being "I helped you take your bedroom set downstairs to your room, you have fun breaking your back and killing yourself while dragging that dresser, mirror, chest of drawers, end table, and bed upstairs, down the steps into the garage and loading it into a truck all by yourself!" Other than my bedroom set and when it came time to empty my dresser, wardrobe, and chest of drawers... I'd have maybe 6-7 boxes at the most. Then when I moved, I would just plan on getting a small furnished apartment as close to her as possible until her and I were ready to venture into getting our own place. I mean it's not like I'm going to be asking my old man to fund my move... I'm not... We've done this moving crap more times in 2 years, than most people do in a freaking life time, at least it seems that way.. But I'm not asking him to fund my move, that would be expensive and it's not his responsibility or problem.. We've dumped thousands upon thousands upon thousands with all the moving around we've done in the past 2 years... But in the same instance, While living in Florida all those months at my brothers house temporarily until we secured our place here in Nebraska. My dad spent thousands upon thousands upon thousands, and I mean this literally... He spent thousands of dollars fixing my brothers house AGAIN for the fourth time when SURPRISE SURPRISE, his P-O-S tenants trashed it for the past year they were living there just like all the other tenants have done that my brother's had... And guess who spent the money to bail him out of trouble because he didn't care? That's right!! Mommy and Daddy!
Just like when I was first deciding on how and when to break the news to my parents about me being in a LDR... I'm HOPING for the best and hoping they'll just continue to see how extremely happy she makes me, and support me in my decision. But, I'm EXPECTING to get torn to pieces and to be yelled at, screamed at, argued with, and guilt tripped just like before.