How to ease the mind of a jealous partner - advice?

[silvermoonfairy3]

This isn't a question about wheather you should be going or not, because you obviously plan on going.

I think it's valid to be discussing/thinking about, especially for next time.

While the jealousy is absolutely an emotion that he needs to work on and come to terms with, sometimes "how to ease the mind of a jealous partner" isn't really the applicable question, and it's more of a situation where both people need to understand what their joint boundaries are to not make the partner jealous in the first place.

I realize the OP says she can't cancel.. is it too late to invite another person along? Make it a group thing? That might help as well.

[snow]

This isn't a question about wheather you should be going or not, because you obviously plan on going.

I think Mims and Rugger's first post gave you the best tips: Make him part of the trip! Send him messages, pictures and let him know he's on your mind. That's all you can really do.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Hmmm.. I'm kinda torn on this one, too. I see Moon's point for sure, and tend to agree with it.. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of trips with one other guy who isn't your boyfriend. It would be different if it was a group of friends, or if you were single. Are you sharing a hotel room?

Is your boyfriend jealous in other ways, or is this the first time it's really come up? There are some things that, as Moon says, are kind of the common 'sacrifices' that get made as compromises for both parties being comfortable with the relationship, boundaries, partners' actions, etc. and it sounds like this is one of the ones your boyfriend expects to be different.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Being carless in Kansas myself, I need to rely on other people - sometimes males ( gasp!) - to get places. I disagree that jealousy is natural. Wishing you could be there to be with the other person, sure, but jealousy... not so much. In addition to what has already been said, I would suggest reminding him that, since you don't have a car, you have to go with other people. Would he rather you stay home on your own and missing out on things, or would he rather you have fun?

You are telling me it is unnatural to be away and be jealous of experiences your SO is doing without you?
If you look up jealousy, it isn't a negative word. It is feeling envious of someones advantages, and I think it would be unnatural to not feel that way at times in an LDR. Heck, my SO is off in some beautiful city experiencing amazing things with people who I have no idea who they are... it makes me jealous. I don't think that is unhealthy, jealousy can BECOME unhealthy 100%, that doesn't mean it automatically IS though.

If it was me, I would have asked a girlfriend, or a relative, or someone else, not some guy who my SO had never met or was not accustomed to. Besides, it isn't as if she is relying on him and using him... he is going too, they are doing this thing together, and I get her boyfriend feeling upset about it.

If she thinks it is worth it then by all means she should go. I just know I wouldn't think it was worth it, and I know I wouldn't like it if roles were reversed.

Without knowing more information, I don't think that you should go on this trip.

[Hollandia]

I don't know, I'm not a jealous person at all, but I wouldn't be happy about this either. I think that there are some boundaries when it comes to male/female friendships that you just shouldn't cross, when you're in a relationship, and that's one of them, sorry. If you were going as a big group, it would be different. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there are just some sacrifices to be made to keep our partners comfortable, at least in my opinion. I don't mean extreme sacrifices, or dealing with someone who's extreme in their jealousy or controlling in nature, but at least understanding our partner's boundaries, and respecting them.

I agree. I would not be liking this either.

[Moon]

I don't know, I'm not a jealous person at all, but I wouldn't be happy about this either. I think that there are some boundaries when it comes to male/female friendships that you just shouldn't cross, when you're in a relationship, and that's one of them, sorry. If you were going as a big group, it would be different. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there are just some sacrifices to be made to keep our partners comfortable, at least in my opinion. I don't mean extreme sacrifices, or dealing with someone who's extreme in their jealousy or controlling in nature, but at least understanding our partner's boundaries, and respecting them.

[Ejoriah]

Being carless in Kansas myself, I need to rely on other people - sometimes males ( gasp!) - to get places. I disagree that jealousy is natural. Wishing you could be there to be with the other person, sure, but jealousy... not so much. In addition to what has already been said, I would suggest reminding him that, since you don't have a car, you have to go with other people. Would he rather you stay home on your own and missing out on things, or would he rather you have fun?

[Mims27]

I say try to make him part of this trip. Texts, pictures anything. I know that helps me a lot when my GF is out doing fun stuff and I can't be there with her.

[Rugger]

Trust is earned by acting trustworthy. The OP said she would feel the same if he went away with another woman. What she's planning to do isn't technically wrong but she's doing something she wouldn't like him to do. I think this isn't just his problem, they both need to re-establish the boundaries and stick to them.

Otherwise, I think the advice on how to act during this trip is good, keep in touch with him, share pics etc. Then when you come back have a chat with him about what the trust boundaries are in your relationship and how you can stick to them more consistently.

Than they both need to work on their jealousy. What I meant was no one can fix his jealousy but him. She could do everything "right" ( which is controlling and wrong) and he would still be jealous. That is NOT healthy in a relationship.

[Malaga]

This excuse is bullshit. It shouldn't matter if he trusts the guy or not, as long as he trusts you because no matter if he tries something, you won't take the bait. He doesn't trust you.

Trust is earned by acting trustworthy. The OP said she would feel the same if he went away with another woman. What she's planning to do isn't technically wrong but she's doing something she wouldn't like him to do. I think this isn't just his problem, they both need to re-establish the boundaries and stick to them.

Otherwise, I think the advice on how to act during this trip is good, keep in touch with him, share pics etc. Then when you come back have a chat with him about what the trust boundaries are in your relationship and how you can stick to them more consistently.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Jealousy is natural. Let him be jealous.
Go if you want to go, keep him updated involved and do whatever else you feel would ease his mind.


I personally wouldn't go. Course, I am a jealous person too and don't believe in double standards. We have our relationshio boundaries, and we keep to them.
Is he a goos friend? I know if my boyfriend told me he was going to some big event with a woman from school who he had never told me about before... well, I would be super uncomfortable with that.

[Rugger]

This trip was something that I discovered and wanted to do, but I don't drive so I needed someone to go with me that had a vehicle. I asked a male friend of mine at school because he is into this kind of thing (it's a Renaissance Festival on Friday and a Zombie Walk on Saturday). I asked him to invite his girlfriend, because I had a feeling my boyfriend would be less jealous if another person came along. She couldn't make it though. My boyfriend says that he trusts me, but he's never met this other guy, so he doesn't trust him I kind of get his feelings. I know I would feel jealous if he was traveling alone with another woman. Unfortunately, the only way I'll be able to go is if I ride with this guy from school. Also, the trip is already paid for (registration for the zombie walk and tickets to the renaissance festival are non-refundable), so I couldn't cancel even if I wanted to (which I don't).

This excuse is bullshit. It shouldn't matter if he trusts the guy or not, as long as he trusts you because no matter if he tries something, you won't take the bait. He doesn't trust you.

My advice is go but text him when you can during the day. Take pictures and send them to him so he knows he is on your mind. Other than that, there is nothing you can do. His jealousy isn't your problem, it's his. He is the only one who can fix it. I used to be a jealous person until I met my SO. While I was single, I worked so hard on loving myself and building my self- confidence. It really helped and I've never been jealous after that. I trust my partner, we both have friends of the opposite sex and it doesn't effect us one bit.

[ginnydragon54]

This trip was something that I discovered and wanted to do, but I don't drive so I needed someone to go with me that had a vehicle. I asked a male friend of mine at school because he is into this kind of thing (it's a Renaissance Festival on Friday and a Zombie Walk on Saturday). I asked him to invite his girlfriend, because I had a feeling my boyfriend would be less jealous if another person came along. She couldn't make it though. My boyfriend says that he trusts me, but he's never met this other guy, so he doesn't trust him. I kind of get his feelings. I know I would feel jealous if he was traveling alone with another woman. Unfortunately, the only way I'll be able to go is if I ride with this guy from school. Also, the trip is already paid for (registration for the zombie walk and tickets to the renaissance festival are non-refundable), so I couldn't cancel even if I wanted to (which I don't).

[snow_girl]

What is the purpose of the trip? Did you plan it to go with him or were you asked when his gf couldn't come?