I was in one of those mushy, needy codependent relationships that enabled me to be oblivious to everything happening around me. It was long distance, and it was back in 2013. I was here, always posting about her, whether I had heard from her, and sharing about how what she said affected how I felt. I basically handed her all of my power, and I had none. I let her define my self worth. A friend told me that I prostituted my self worth.
That relationship ended less than a year from when it began, and when it was over, I was exhausted. I was exhausted from the months of hanging on her every word, defending my actions, stroking her ego, validating my opinions, and not really being respected as a person. I didn't feel like a whole person either. I gave her that much power.
Years later, I am reminded of just how much control I gave her and just how much power I gave her.
How was I reminded? I called a motorcycle shop for a part. I have a very old motorcycle. It was my dad's and the parts are getting hard and harder to come by. The guy on the other end of the phone said, "we sold all of our old stock 3 years ago in an auction. We used to have old parts here, but we don't anymore."
I began to wonder how I missed that the shop sold all of the old parts in an auction. How did I not know? Then suddenly I remembered, "oh yeah, it was 2013, and I was all up her ass all of the time, so much so that I wasn't really living my own life." I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime, going to an auction where there were tons of 1970s motorcycles for sale (many of them that looked just like they did in the '70s, unmolested, all original), and tons of parts for my own bike that the parts are becoming harder and harder to find.
In so many of my posts, I encourage people to keep up with their own hobbies, interests, education, work, and to network with coworkers, family, and friends. Missing this huge auction is evidence that I had not done that when I was in the relationship in 2013. If I stayed in contact with the network of folks who ride motorcycles, or even made one visit to that shop, I would have known everything was going to be auctioned off.
That shop has been a very important resource for me to find parts to keep my dad's old bike running, but it is no longer. They completely cleared their inventory of old parts and bikes and I missed it because I was whisked away by one of those mushy, needy codependent relationships that resulted in complete oblivion to the rest of the world.
I was too busy waiting on a text from my gf to notice what was going on in the world around me. I was too busy wondering what she was doing, where she was, who she was with, and how her day was going for me to actively participate in my own life.
I want to take the time to encourage people that if something is important to you, to not lose sight of that important thing when you are in a relationship. The opportunity cost of waiting on a text can be your own 'in real life' life. Get out into the world, live your life, and don't sit at home wondering what the other person is up to.
This post is about so much more than motorcycle parts, and the dwindling availability of those parts. It's about living life and not getting caught up in staying at home wondering where the other person is, and waiting for a text. There is so much more to life than waiting on texts.
I took that entire relationship as a learning opportunity, and make sure not to repeat those same behaviors. I live life today.
I have a healthy detachment and keep up with my hobbies, interests, and make sure that I socialize with friends and family.
It is possible to have a relationship without abandoning the rest of my life. It was definitely a learning experience. Will there be reminders along the way? Sure there will be. Will I beat myself up for my past behaviors? No. Those reminders will enable me to remember that I don't want to repeat those same behaviors.
I can't undo the past, but I can learn from it.
That relationship ended less than a year from when it began, and when it was over, I was exhausted. I was exhausted from the months of hanging on her every word, defending my actions, stroking her ego, validating my opinions, and not really being respected as a person. I didn't feel like a whole person either. I gave her that much power.
Years later, I am reminded of just how much control I gave her and just how much power I gave her.
How was I reminded? I called a motorcycle shop for a part. I have a very old motorcycle. It was my dad's and the parts are getting hard and harder to come by. The guy on the other end of the phone said, "we sold all of our old stock 3 years ago in an auction. We used to have old parts here, but we don't anymore."
I began to wonder how I missed that the shop sold all of the old parts in an auction. How did I not know? Then suddenly I remembered, "oh yeah, it was 2013, and I was all up her ass all of the time, so much so that I wasn't really living my own life." I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime, going to an auction where there were tons of 1970s motorcycles for sale (many of them that looked just like they did in the '70s, unmolested, all original), and tons of parts for my own bike that the parts are becoming harder and harder to find.
In so many of my posts, I encourage people to keep up with their own hobbies, interests, education, work, and to network with coworkers, family, and friends. Missing this huge auction is evidence that I had not done that when I was in the relationship in 2013. If I stayed in contact with the network of folks who ride motorcycles, or even made one visit to that shop, I would have known everything was going to be auctioned off.
That shop has been a very important resource for me to find parts to keep my dad's old bike running, but it is no longer. They completely cleared their inventory of old parts and bikes and I missed it because I was whisked away by one of those mushy, needy codependent relationships that resulted in complete oblivion to the rest of the world.
I was too busy waiting on a text from my gf to notice what was going on in the world around me. I was too busy wondering what she was doing, where she was, who she was with, and how her day was going for me to actively participate in my own life.
I want to take the time to encourage people that if something is important to you, to not lose sight of that important thing when you are in a relationship. The opportunity cost of waiting on a text can be your own 'in real life' life. Get out into the world, live your life, and don't sit at home wondering what the other person is up to.
This post is about so much more than motorcycle parts, and the dwindling availability of those parts. It's about living life and not getting caught up in staying at home wondering where the other person is, and waiting for a text. There is so much more to life than waiting on texts.
I took that entire relationship as a learning opportunity, and make sure not to repeat those same behaviors. I live life today.
I have a healthy detachment and keep up with my hobbies, interests, and make sure that I socialize with friends and family.It is possible to have a relationship without abandoning the rest of my life. It was definitely a learning experience. Will there be reminders along the way? Sure there will be. Will I beat myself up for my past behaviors? No. Those reminders will enable me to remember that I don't want to repeat those same behaviors.
I can't undo the past, but I can learn from it.