Ups and downs
Hi everyone,
I am writing to you with the same disarray I discovered this forum while googling: "LDR ending signs".
I met my BF two years ago while we were both expatriating. We had amazing months together but at some point, we both had to fly back to our respective European countries. We decided to do LDR. It's been amazing so far. Lately, he has even announced me that he would join me in my home country and he started to look for a job. It has not been an easy decision for him to make as he can't speak the language. I know he would rather have us in a new country for both of us.
But lately, I am quite depressed. The LDR is one thing but I am also under huge pressure because of work and family issues. I know I am not offering him the best of my personality at the moment and I am feeling extremely guilty about it. He told me that we were a couple and that he didn't care about my mood but I visited him few days ago and something was off, as if we were not comfortable with each other as we used to be. Or rather: I was not comfortable and at some point, he changed too. But I was feeling terrible. I was feeling him more distant.
And when I think about it, he actually took the decision to join me shortly after a big breakdown of mine while I was about to break up. And to take financial responsability for it, he's been working heavily which causes him exhaustion.
My heart is broken at the mere idea he's fed up with our relationship because of me or that I am responsible for having relied on him too much. It's the first time it happens to us and here, I can really feel how distance can make feel powerless. I can't stop crying as if I realized something but I am unable to judge the situation rationnally. Also, and this is the worst, I CAN, I am actually able to picture him breaking up with me, thing that never crossed my mind before. I am extremely emotional about him, I can't explain it to myself but I cry very easily. I guess it's because LDR is so demanding than when you consent to engage in one, you really think you match with 1 in a billion.
In such critical moments, I feel like I am abusing his kindness but in the same time, he makes me so vulnerable. I can imagin him missing to be single and having less to handle because sometimes, myself, I am thinking this.
Sorry for such a dramatic entrance in the community. It's 3am where I live. Hope my english is ok.
Cheers!
Gelm
I am writing to you with the same disarray I discovered this forum while googling: "LDR ending signs".
I met my BF two years ago while we were both expatriating. We had amazing months together but at some point, we both had to fly back to our respective European countries. We decided to do LDR. It's been amazing so far. Lately, he has even announced me that he would join me in my home country and he started to look for a job. It has not been an easy decision for him to make as he can't speak the language. I know he would rather have us in a new country for both of us.
But lately, I am quite depressed. The LDR is one thing but I am also under huge pressure because of work and family issues. I know I am not offering him the best of my personality at the moment and I am feeling extremely guilty about it. He told me that we were a couple and that he didn't care about my mood but I visited him few days ago and something was off, as if we were not comfortable with each other as we used to be. Or rather: I was not comfortable and at some point, he changed too. But I was feeling terrible. I was feeling him more distant.
And when I think about it, he actually took the decision to join me shortly after a big breakdown of mine while I was about to break up. And to take financial responsability for it, he's been working heavily which causes him exhaustion.
My heart is broken at the mere idea he's fed up with our relationship because of me or that I am responsible for having relied on him too much. It's the first time it happens to us and here, I can really feel how distance can make feel powerless. I can't stop crying as if I realized something but I am unable to judge the situation rationnally. Also, and this is the worst, I CAN, I am actually able to picture him breaking up with me, thing that never crossed my mind before. I am extremely emotional about him, I can't explain it to myself but I cry very easily. I guess it's because LDR is so demanding than when you consent to engage in one, you really think you match with 1 in a billion.
In such critical moments, I feel like I am abusing his kindness but in the same time, he makes me so vulnerable. I can imagin him missing to be single and having less to handle because sometimes, myself, I am thinking this.
Sorry for such a dramatic entrance in the community. It's 3am where I live. Hope my english is ok.
Cheers!
Gelm