Confused! Is he emotionally available or?
Hi,
So I initially met this man online two years ago. It was not on a dating app, but an app to "meet friends." He reached out to me, we ended up having a good conversation, and continued to speak here and there. We eventually moved to KiK. We started to have in-depth conversations about our lives, families, etc. We eventually set up a meeting, but this did not end up happening as if he had gotten sick. Of course I had my initial suspicions, but I continued to speak with him. He thanked me for not giving up on him and apologized sincerely. Time really flew by and before I knew it, it had been two years and we were still talking pretty regularly.
I eventually decided to just come right out and ask him what he really wanted with me. He had expressed liking with before, but I did not know if he really wanted to do something about it. I was honestly shocked by his response. He was very direct and said that he was not only romantically interested in me, but was open to pursuing a long distance relationship with me. I was more than happy. I was still a bit confused about him though, only because he did not really show the "normal" signs of someone who is romantically interested in another.
We started to talk on the phone and I eventually asked him why he doesn't come off like someone who is romantically interested. He told me that his last girlfriend (they were long distance) had cheated on him, actually ended up living with someone else and lied for some time about it to him. He had been single for three years. He did not really go into great detail about it. I decided not to push for more information, assuming that it must be a very sensitive topic. We continued on, texting a bit throughout the days, talking on the phone once a week.
We had the "Are you talking to anyone else?" conversation. He made it clear that he was only focused on me and I made it clear that it was the same on my end. Although we were not officially in a relationship, we were certainly acting like boyfriend/girlfriend. I eventually decided to ask for a little bit more of his time. I realized that he was busy with college and had his routines and all, but I thought that this would make emotional bonding more of a possibility. He was agreeable the first time I brought it up, but nothing really changed. I brought it up a few times after that, not always in the best of ways, and this is when our problems started. I expressed that I did not feel like a priority to him, and he essentially just told me that I was being "illogical." He once told me "I don't mean to be blunt, but I have a life." He showed no concern for my feeling this way, did not ask me why I was feeling this way. It always seemed like he just wanted to tell me that I'm wrong and move on. I could not have an open conversation with him on the issue. It would turn into an argument.
I was so confused by his responses to my asking for a bit more of his time. I would get upset by his responses and tell him that he is being unreceptive to my feelings. It just seemed that I could not get through to him. It's not that he had to agree with me, but was totally unwilling to even try to see things from my perspective. I always felt very dismissed. He even suggested that I was jealous of his friends and family once, which was nowhere near being true. I told him this, but he still held onto the idea. It just seemed like I would put my feelings out there and he would interpret them in the worst possible way. We had our last argument on the Sunday before Christmas. I finally said that I give up on the issue and don't know why I bother trying to express my feelings when he always shuts them down.
What are your thoughts on all of this?
So I initially met this man online two years ago. It was not on a dating app, but an app to "meet friends." He reached out to me, we ended up having a good conversation, and continued to speak here and there. We eventually moved to KiK. We started to have in-depth conversations about our lives, families, etc. We eventually set up a meeting, but this did not end up happening as if he had gotten sick. Of course I had my initial suspicions, but I continued to speak with him. He thanked me for not giving up on him and apologized sincerely. Time really flew by and before I knew it, it had been two years and we were still talking pretty regularly.
I eventually decided to just come right out and ask him what he really wanted with me. He had expressed liking with before, but I did not know if he really wanted to do something about it. I was honestly shocked by his response. He was very direct and said that he was not only romantically interested in me, but was open to pursuing a long distance relationship with me. I was more than happy. I was still a bit confused about him though, only because he did not really show the "normal" signs of someone who is romantically interested in another.
We started to talk on the phone and I eventually asked him why he doesn't come off like someone who is romantically interested. He told me that his last girlfriend (they were long distance) had cheated on him, actually ended up living with someone else and lied for some time about it to him. He had been single for three years. He did not really go into great detail about it. I decided not to push for more information, assuming that it must be a very sensitive topic. We continued on, texting a bit throughout the days, talking on the phone once a week.
We had the "Are you talking to anyone else?" conversation. He made it clear that he was only focused on me and I made it clear that it was the same on my end. Although we were not officially in a relationship, we were certainly acting like boyfriend/girlfriend. I eventually decided to ask for a little bit more of his time. I realized that he was busy with college and had his routines and all, but I thought that this would make emotional bonding more of a possibility. He was agreeable the first time I brought it up, but nothing really changed. I brought it up a few times after that, not always in the best of ways, and this is when our problems started. I expressed that I did not feel like a priority to him, and he essentially just told me that I was being "illogical." He once told me "I don't mean to be blunt, but I have a life." He showed no concern for my feeling this way, did not ask me why I was feeling this way. It always seemed like he just wanted to tell me that I'm wrong and move on. I could not have an open conversation with him on the issue. It would turn into an argument.
I was so confused by his responses to my asking for a bit more of his time. I would get upset by his responses and tell him that he is being unreceptive to my feelings. It just seemed that I could not get through to him. It's not that he had to agree with me, but was totally unwilling to even try to see things from my perspective. I always felt very dismissed. He even suggested that I was jealous of his friends and family once, which was nowhere near being true. I told him this, but he still held onto the idea. It just seemed like I would put my feelings out there and he would interpret them in the worst possible way. We had our last argument on the Sunday before Christmas. I finally said that I give up on the issue and don't know why I bother trying to express my feelings when he always shuts them down.
What are your thoughts on all of this?