So I met my boyfriend back in August, who is from my hometown but we met online. I was immediately attracted to him because he was artistic and had a love for travelling, while also appearing grounded in terms of morals and experience. Most importantly, as I got to know him I realized he actually was interested in me as a person, something despite being 23 I hadn't really experienced with guys yet.
When we initially met, he had told me he was into sailing (something I had never thought into at first, I just enjoyed his ship's wheel tattoo and the fact we could bond over our love of the sea/seaside etc). It was only later on when he mentioned his earlier trips as crew on boats that it began to sink in. Sailing is his life's passion.
A year or so ago he told me, he had found the thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life.
In the meantime, we dated for a couple of months, and come November as promised weeks before, he left for a six week sailing trip to Spain. I had only recently finished dating a guy because he left for South Africa for six months, so I almost had to laugh that I had found myself in the same predicament again.
Running up to and the day/week after he left was pretty upsetting. I couldn't stop crying all the time, and once I started crying irrational thoughts and worrying would increase significantly. He was much calmer about the whole thing because due to his past he had learnt to live in the moment and try to stay positive. Over the six week period although there were tough times and I missed him, we found ways to make it work.
It was in fact whilst he was away that we became a couple, so I guess you could say that being apart brought us closer together. When he returned in December I got sick, so he looked after me and we bonded more that way. We spent the next few months together, visiting each other every weekend in order to fit in with my new permanent job in London. By this point we had obviously grown to really like each other; but this kind of lifestyle couldn't be sustained due to his unemployment. Three weeks ago he revealed he was going to Sydney for four months to sail, yesterday he left.
I would say the most irritating/frustrating/upsetting aspect of this particular relationship is the unpredictability. Unlike typical LDR's there aren't always easy and regular ways to communicate: depending on location/timezones/signal at sea it could mean we go without speaking for a week at a time, and it isn't always easy to do things like film/dinner dates because of his schedule manning the ship. Unlike typical LDR's I feel like there is no real end-goal. I would really like there to be, but there is no certainty with his lifestyle, because his way of earning money means we have to be apart. I've had friends say '4 months will fly by', but then a few months later they'll be followed by more months, so effectively we are looking at spending more than half of the year apart.
He seems to think we can make this work, and because I've become so close to him in the months he has been at home, I believe it too. He believes that intimacy can be found in ways that aren't necessarily physical, and I believe this too, but just am not sure if this is sustainable long term. I think the onus is more on me for this, but I start to feel down every time I don't hear from him in a while (despite knowing he's probably busy), and am scared we'll drift for lack of communication.
Without wanting to in any way, he has made me resent my first real job (which is not the job of a lifetime but is pretty cool) because its office based and sometimes monotonous and he's out meeting new people in Australia on a boat. There's still a huge part of me that wants to and will continue to travel at some point, and he is always telling me to come away sailing with him, but I think in fairness its a radical change of life plan and ultimately not the career for me.
When I have the thought that it's not going to work, when I sit and think about the scale of four months, when I imagine how many thousands of miles away he is, I start to panic and feel down, and if anyone tells me it's not practical it makes me want to continue even more.
If anyone has any tips and general advice that would be great, I'm also thinking that it might be relevant to hear from anyone with military partners, because there are definitely similarities there. I've found it really helpful watching other couples in LDR's on Youtube, so any support would be gratefully appreciated as this is a fairly new and painful thing for me!
Thanks,
Beth.
When we initially met, he had told me he was into sailing (something I had never thought into at first, I just enjoyed his ship's wheel tattoo and the fact we could bond over our love of the sea/seaside etc). It was only later on when he mentioned his earlier trips as crew on boats that it began to sink in. Sailing is his life's passion.
A year or so ago he told me, he had found the thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life.
In the meantime, we dated for a couple of months, and come November as promised weeks before, he left for a six week sailing trip to Spain. I had only recently finished dating a guy because he left for South Africa for six months, so I almost had to laugh that I had found myself in the same predicament again.
Running up to and the day/week after he left was pretty upsetting. I couldn't stop crying all the time, and once I started crying irrational thoughts and worrying would increase significantly. He was much calmer about the whole thing because due to his past he had learnt to live in the moment and try to stay positive. Over the six week period although there were tough times and I missed him, we found ways to make it work.
It was in fact whilst he was away that we became a couple, so I guess you could say that being apart brought us closer together. When he returned in December I got sick, so he looked after me and we bonded more that way. We spent the next few months together, visiting each other every weekend in order to fit in with my new permanent job in London. By this point we had obviously grown to really like each other; but this kind of lifestyle couldn't be sustained due to his unemployment. Three weeks ago he revealed he was going to Sydney for four months to sail, yesterday he left.
I would say the most irritating/frustrating/upsetting aspect of this particular relationship is the unpredictability. Unlike typical LDR's there aren't always easy and regular ways to communicate: depending on location/timezones/signal at sea it could mean we go without speaking for a week at a time, and it isn't always easy to do things like film/dinner dates because of his schedule manning the ship. Unlike typical LDR's I feel like there is no real end-goal. I would really like there to be, but there is no certainty with his lifestyle, because his way of earning money means we have to be apart. I've had friends say '4 months will fly by', but then a few months later they'll be followed by more months, so effectively we are looking at spending more than half of the year apart.
He seems to think we can make this work, and because I've become so close to him in the months he has been at home, I believe it too. He believes that intimacy can be found in ways that aren't necessarily physical, and I believe this too, but just am not sure if this is sustainable long term. I think the onus is more on me for this, but I start to feel down every time I don't hear from him in a while (despite knowing he's probably busy), and am scared we'll drift for lack of communication.
Without wanting to in any way, he has made me resent my first real job (which is not the job of a lifetime but is pretty cool) because its office based and sometimes monotonous and he's out meeting new people in Australia on a boat. There's still a huge part of me that wants to and will continue to travel at some point, and he is always telling me to come away sailing with him, but I think in fairness its a radical change of life plan and ultimately not the career for me.
When I have the thought that it's not going to work, when I sit and think about the scale of four months, when I imagine how many thousands of miles away he is, I start to panic and feel down, and if anyone tells me it's not practical it makes me want to continue even more.
If anyone has any tips and general advice that would be great, I'm also thinking that it might be relevant to hear from anyone with military partners, because there are definitely similarities there. I've found it really helpful watching other couples in LDR's on Youtube, so any support would be gratefully appreciated as this is a fairly new and painful thing for me!
Thanks,
Beth.