Monday 14 February 2005. Prime Minister Rafic el Hariri is targeted in an awful car bomb in the heart of the capital, which killed 21 and wounded nearly 100. Former Minister of Economy and Trade Bassel Fleihan later died as well from injuries sustained in the blast.

This was a shock. I remember i was near the city center, and "felt" the explosions. i saw the smoke, heard the sounds. it was like a nightmare. i later learned my SO was part of the Red Cross team that was sent over. Memories of what he faced that day will haunt him for the rest of his life...

People were in shock. How did things get this bad? How long are we going to stand for it? Spontaneously groups were gathering, starting that very night, in martyr's square downtown, stating their disgust and anger.
At the time I lived with my grandmother, about 10 minutes by foot to Martyr's square. During the Lebanese civil war, factional infighting between the groups united in Martyrs' Square had turned the area into an impassable moonscape. the symbolism of this location is very very strong.

The following Monday ,February 21st, one week after the assassination, as more and more people gathered downtown for the evening, i joined the masses. the crowd was mixed. people from very different political parties, different backgrounds, all ages, all gathering to say one thing: THIS IS ENOUGH!
In a country where everything is run by communities, religious and political, the spontaneous alignment of so many people, who like myself, have no political affiliation, means a lot. This flow of people consisted of people like me, "monsieur tout le monde", ordinary citizens who had just had enough f it.

A sit in was started, tents were put. we were not going anywhere until something changed. every day more and more people gathered, Mondays being more active than others.
The main goal of the cedar revolution was the ending of the Syrian military occupation of Lebanon which had lasted about 30 years (since 1976).

February 28th, the government resigned.

fast forward to the 14th of March 2005. more than one million Lebanese gathered in Martyr's Square. one whole million. for a country like Lebanon, that's the quarter of the population. can you imagine that? a sea of Lebanese flags, and Lebanese flags only. a million voices screaming as one for change "Freedom, Sovereignty, Independence". i was there with my sister and my 80 year old grandmother. i still get goosebumps when i think of that day. no words can describe that feeling. i was writing history with my hands and feet, with my lungs!

This was a turning point in modern Lebanese history. Shortly later,April 27 2005, the 14000 Syrian troops withdrew of Lebanon. Chiefs of two parties came back to the local scene. A new government was elected.

shortly after, in June, started a campaign of violence and terror. car bombings and assassinations every Monday. every single Monday! Many people lost their lives for what is now called INDEPENDENCE 05.

Fast forward to today 6 years later. Apart from the Syrian troops not being in Lebanon, things haven't changed.

This has been the biggest disappointment in my adult life. March 14th now stands for a coalition of parties. the spontaneity and true heartfelt cry of the uprise was taken and put under the label of a certain number of political ideals and party.
so you are either 14th march or their opposition. but what about people like me? people who want to see Lebanon as a sovereign country, who wants to see all the current heads of parties tried for all their actions and held responsible, who wants laicity with no religious determinations, who are sick of seeing people walking behind political images without having a political program? how about people like me who see no change when after all this you just vote for the same bunch of people and heve them all play together like in a game of poker?

I was bitter and angry for a very long time. i felt stripped of what i had helped achieve. i felt betrayed. i felt disgusted. i still do. if you look at the history of Lebanon, it all repeats itself. i do NOT want to live like this. i do NOT want to bring children into a world like this. i need to have some hope. i need to feel like i am not alone. things have become so tense, people have come to such extremes it is scary!

A couple of weeks ago, demonstrations have started, every Sunday, asking for a laic state among many other things.

Tomorrow is Sunday 13th of march. there is a call for a big rally of the 14th March public, for a commemoration of that day. but this time it is different. this call is to independents as much as party abiding people, it is a call to fully express that things are NOT ok. that even though some progress has been made, we are still a long way from finding a solution to this country's predicament. it is a call to actively protest to the way things are going.

i am writing this at 1:30 AM, trying to decide if i am going to answer this call.
i no longer live near martyr's square, and will need to leave home in about 5 hours if i want to be able to get there.
i am sure this will be taken under the wings of the 14th of march current, even if there will be thousands of people who don't share their political goals.
i have no one to go with.
i am a bit scared for my security.

this is such a hard decision to make...

i wish my SO was here to go with me...

this was 21st of february. i am wearing red in the middle (not with the beard). sorry for the crappy photo, i took it of a newspaper with my phone.



these are photos of the masses on March 14th