I've been thinking about writing this for the past two weeks now. This Is very hard for me to admit but it needs to come out.

Things have been very difficult for me. Recently I've been having a much harder time coping with everything. I'm feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, completely drained. Its as if every drop of energy is sucked out of me..
I'm in a strange country, with strange people, lucky to have my SO by my side, and yet it is so hard for me to just get out of bed and do something everyday. The list of things I need to do is immense, the list of things I could do that would make me happy in a city like this is even larger and yet I'm just sitting here doing nothing; feeling no ounce of remorse... I feel empty and just want to sleep all the time... I used to love reading and yet the last book I started was last July and never made past page 25... I used to love cooking and yet its been so long since I made myself something I craved... My friends and family are all a Skype call away and yet i don't feel like talking to them much, and when i do i put on a happy face and cheer up my grandma but as soon as i close that call I'm back to the same thing... I used to enjoy intelligent discussions, scientific debates and philosophical queries and now I just don't want to think anymore, not about anything..
It all amplifies when I'm close to having my period; these last two months it has been terrible! I'm writing this in the middle of the current PMS sequence so I should probably reread this later and see what applies but its good to let it out.

My SO and I have talked about this in the past few weeks, not in all this depth though In all the years I've known him I've seen him cry 5 times; two of them were in the past 6 weeks. I hate this. It hurts so much to see him cry because of me. It breaks my heart to see him try and try so hard and put so much into making me feel better only to have me go back to that same point a few hours after... I love him so much and appreciate everything he's doing, only wish I could relieve him from all the responsibilities piling up on him...

This can't go on.. I can't do this, I don't want to be a vegetable anymore. I'm working up my courage and asking my advisor for help finding a counselor tomorrow. I've decided this all ends here.