Talking about anxiety for the first time

Irina_Linn started a blog post Talking about anxiety for the first time
April 16, 2015, 12:34 PM
Talking about anxiety for the first time

So I finally decided to speak about what bothers me a lot.And this is anxiety (I guess?).Because I don't know how else to name it.
Good news is that now its a bit easier for me to get over my minor panick attacks.Bad news is that they are still present and that seriously pisses me off.
I mean we may be having a lovely time together with my SO and then all of a sudden I start analyzing "ohmygod.do i really love him? am i a good girlfriend? i broke up with my last partners.maybe i will do the same who knows.how do i know i will not do the same? how do i know he is my match? maybe i am with him out of habit?"
I feel really scared and insecure in such moments.I start getting sweaty,cold and I feel an urge to puke.
I understand completely that first of all,there is not a single thing I don't like about him.I seriously mean that.If you ask me "what would you change in him?" I would answer "Nothing". He is my first boyfrind in many years about whom I like everything.The way he thinks,speaks,acts,even dresses.I like spending time with him and we talk like 8 times per day and I never want to hang up the phone.Plus we have sex and he attracts me physically.So everything is really okay.
But what really annoys me is this ugly unpleasant panicky feeling I am getting.I know it is because I feel,well,useless.I am still looking for a decent job and for now I am simpy a waitress so this doesn't add any confidence for me.In addition my job is 2 days work and 2 days off,I am not getting very tired so again plenty of time to think and analyze made-up problems.My mother hates my SO as she thinks I should look for someone so much better and all together,it makes me panick.This is why my mood swings are horrible each day.
We don't have money now to rent an apartment and both of us are working on leaving the country.But I am really tired of myself and of how my mood changes.Its better than it used to be but still it didn't go away yet.I just feel I am lying to him or being dishonest because I have these thoughts in my head and loving people should not even think about such things in my perception.
But anyhow I feel better now that I've finally written everything I was thinking of for a long time.I will be keeping on fighting with my panick because I know the only thing that can ever ruin my happiness is my anxiety
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2 comments
- #1
  
  snow commented
  
  April 19, 2015, 12:44 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Don't go by what you should do or should feel, you feel what you feel. Anxiety is a real thing and it will make you question things that you know you shouldn't question. Don't worry, that's alright, I do it too. All you can really do is acknowledge it and address it when it happens.
  I had to battle these questions when I had an eating disorder and it helped me to ask myself if this question is really me asking or if my eating disorder is speaking for me, so instead of worrying if you are a good girlfriend, ask yourself "is this my anxiety speaking again?" and if it is, give it a big "nah, guess I'm alright" try and push it aside.
- #2
  
  Irina_Linn commented
  
  April 20, 2015, 02:03 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Originally posted by snow;bt37300
  
  Don't go by what you should do or should feel, you feel what you feel. Anxiety is a real thing and it will make you question things that you know you shouldn't question. Don't worry, that's alright, I do it too. All you can really do is acknowledge it and address it when it happens.
  I had to battle these questions when I had an eating disorder and it helped me to ask myself if this question is really me asking or if my eating disorder is speaking for me, so instead of worrying if you are a good girlfriend, ask yourself "is this my anxiety speaking again?" and if it is, give it a big "nah, guess I'm alright" try and push it aside.
  
  i understand that perfectly and actually that's what helps me to stress less,but i just get frustrated with this constant anxiety.this is why i worry,it never happened before.so i start wondering whether it is really anxiety or whether it is some real kind of problem
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Talking about anxiety for the first time